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RVHorror
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
532 Posts |
 Posted - 06/02/2006 : 09:16:21 AM
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I reread the first Jabootu review I ever encountered (Wizards of the Lost Kingdom) and there weren't any phrases that jumped out at me. I just liked (like) the tone-- a sort of bemused, somewhat good-natured sarcasm.
I think Ken's made up quote for the teaser for "On Deadly Ground" is the perfect illustration of how Hollywood views itself: "Sure, the kids will see some action and have a good time, but they’ll also learn something." That's just perfect, and I imagine every producer for the last twenty years has said those exact words. |
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Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2006 : 10:34:25 AM
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One that sticks with me (And I stole for my reader review) goes like this:
"Then the hero (blanks) to the (blank) to get the (blank)." audible sigh "No he doesn't, because that would make sence and then the movie would be over."
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
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John Nowak
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1017 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2006 : 3:42:47 PM
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I was writing to my friends about the film "Santo vs. the Martian Invasion", and ended my letter by saying it was "Possibly the greatest film ever made." Later, I read Ken's review of the same film (written prior to my letter) which ends with "Summary: Probably the Greatest Movie Ever Made."
I like to think that Ken is within all of us.
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We've always been united in stupidity. That's why there is no hope. But, then again, when has that ever stopped us?
-- hbrennan |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2006 : 3:48:42 PM
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"Hey, who ordered the medium Cheese and Pepperoni with Extra Death?!"
I want to write a screenplay just to use that line.
Hey, maybe we should have a Create-a-quip thread.
Coming soon-
Eraserhead: The Musical!! |
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Pip
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
333 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2006 : 5:53:09 PM
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I like how he puts into perspective the cosmic badness of the films that flicker on the walls of the Hall of Great Jabootu. One can almost see Ken wandering around alone in some kind of horrifying extra-dimensional world, like in Silent Hill, before stumbling into a empty, cobwebbed theatre wherein, to his shock and dismay...The Promise starts to play upon the screen...
"How, I wondered, could anyone like this film? It seemed to defy all the laws of God and man. It was like something out of Lovecraft."
...and moments later...
"Yes, I somehow lived through it. But I was never the same. I had stared into the abyss, and the abyss had stared back."
I can envision a group of wide-eyed kids around the campfire listening to Ken's tale of survival and then being sent to bed with that on their minds...the horror...the horror...The Promise...
***shivers***
Pip
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jackspencerjr
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
262 Posts |
Posted - 06/04/2006 : 6:41:13 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ken HPoJ
Man, I didn't remember that irony stuff at all. (In fact, I thought one of the other guys must have wrote, until I googled it and reread the Candy intro.) You know you've been writing a while when you don't even recognize your own stuff.
that happens to a lot of us, Ken. When Titanic was running in theaters the wife and I saw it many times. I didn't mind. But then she wanted to go see the Horse Whisperer and I said I had no intetion of seeing a three hour movie about a stupid horse. She pointed out that I did see Titanic numerous times even though it was three hours. I retorted "Yeah, but somehow I doubt that halfway through the movie the horse will hit an iceberg and kill fifteen hundred people." Much to the amusement of a friend we were talking with. Weeks later, he quotes that back to me and I did not recall saying it.
quote:
"Yes, I somehow lived through it. But I was never the same. I had stared into the abyss, and the abyss had stared back."
Not a Kenism, but something I saw on another site;
"Darren; You gazed far, far, far too deep into the abyss when you wrote that review. Cause it didn't just look back, it sucked out your eyeballs, climbed in, and started driving you around like a car."
- Patrick Y.
The review Mr. Y. mentioned is for an RPG and is found here:
http://atrocities.primaryerror.net/fatal.html
The site is at least partially inspired by this one, but be warned, there is what Spock called "colorful metaphores" in the reviews and do NOT under any circumstances click the Tubgirl link. You'll wish you hadn't until the day you died and that will seem like a very, very long time. |
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Juniper
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
616 Posts |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 12:03:40 PM
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"Suddenly, [blank] finds him/herself face to face with death!" gets a surprising amount of use.
"The Devil Made this Movie for You!" |
Edited by - Juniper on 06/13/2006 12:06:16 PM |
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John Nowak
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1017 Posts |
Posted - 06/13/2006 : 8:28:53 PM
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I really, really like "Ken's Rule of Guns." It's incredible how many evil people would win if they would just understand that simple principle.
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We've always been united in stupidity. That's why there is no hope. But, then again, when has that ever stopped us?
-- hbrennan |
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Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2006 : 7:56:45 PM
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As much as I like Ken's reviews, I'm partial to Eva "Pip" Vandergeld's:
"The Plot-O-Matic 3000™ spawns more stupid villains than the Middle East."
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
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