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Neville
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Spain
1590 Posts |
 Posted - 03/13/2007 : 06:04:31 AM
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Quoting AICN:
quote:
”Hot off the socko bow of "300" this past weekend, star Gerard Butler is at the center of a package that CAA began shopping Monday for a remake of John Carpenter's 1981 actioner "Escape From New York."
Neal Moritz is attached to produce, with "Black Hawk Down" scribe Ken Nolan penning the screenplay.
Several studios are battling for the pic, mostly because the $70 million launch of "300" signaled the arrival of an emerging action star in Butler…
And boy, this is wrong in so many ways... I can't see why anybody would want to remake a) a film that worked mainly because of John Carpenter's talent. unless they get a hell of a director this won't work at all. and b) a film whose late sequel, Escape from L.A. was a flop. |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2007 : 9:48:30 PM
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Nah, this will be a hoot.
Imagine having to re-project the collapse of society another 20 years into the future.
Predictions...
1. The opening explanation of why the world turns out the way it does [for they will assume audiences can't fill in that stuff on their own] will start with a film montage of Bush/War on Terror/Patriot Act-type stuff showing us where all this stuff gets us. NYC as a PRISON!!
2. They'll find some way to work "climate change" into the explanation of the future.
3. And corporations. Evil ones. Not Proctor and Gamble or Pepsi-Cola, but really bad ones like Big Oil. No, no, NO.
Scratch that! Scratch that completely off the script!
The prisons will be privatized and run by some Halliburton-esque entity! And the prison will have some big dome over it to keep the convicts in AND to protect them from solar radiation because the ozone layer is gone!
And there will be terrorists there! Like Guantanomo detainees! Only they're like...good...just misunderstood. They actually help the hero at some point and audiences will "get it". They'll know we should close Gitmo now!
That's how it will go down, baby! That's the ticket!
And actors! We NEED actors! [starts pacing around the room manically like Max Bialystock in "The Producers"]
Ronny Cox!
[img]http://www.enmu.edu/aboutenmu/development/nimages/RonnyCox.jpg[/img]
Hell, the guy LOOKS like Dick Cheney. Probably the most Republican-looking actor out there today. He'll run the prison instead of Lee Van Cleef. It'll be totally badass!
What about the President? Can't have a movie without a McGuffin! Donald Pleasance was terrific, but why did we elect a British guy? Let's get an American this time. Kris Kristopherson! Cleaned up a little. He'd love playing some straight-laced neocon. Alan Alda does it all the time.
Snake Pliskin? Ben Affleck, of course! What were you thinking? "The Rock"? Eh. I don't think so. Affleck is more convincing as a tough guy. Tough, yet vulnerable.
A villain...a villain. Let's see...
No! I won't hear of it, dammit! I said the convicted terrorist Jihadi muslim guys were going to be sympathetic characters! Like that Sayeed guy on the "Lost" tv show. Everybody likes Sayeed. He looks good. You forgive him for torturing people.
I want it in the script they bust Pliskin out after the fight scene in the arena! Make it happen! And they'll be "cool". Using all that al Qaeda knife fighting training and stuff.
No, Isaac Hayes is too old. And he's...too African-American. We need to get with the times. Is there anybody in the books who looks like Scooter Libby? Or would that be over the top? He'd be pardoned by then anyway and probably responsible for the world turning out so horrible.
Ah, shelve that. We'll come back to it.
"Brain". We need that character. Now THAT character should be black! I mean, African-American. Like that computer whiz in the first "Die Hard" or the engineer in "Terminator 2" who was working on the Terminator chip....
Do you sometimes get the feeling when watching a particularly awful and politically offensive movie that they probably planned it in a session that went a lot like I just satirized? |
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Danitsu
Minister of the Sacraments of Jabootu
40 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2007 : 10:30:52 PM
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Kurtwood Smith for the Warden, given his experience playing a Warden in Fortress
Ronny Cox is the Vice President, he's been playing that long enough on Stargate SG-1.
"If you get served and serve them back...Then IT'S ON!!!" |
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Citizen Carrier
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
322 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2007 : 11:04:49 PM
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I remember somebody serving up a "pick the cast" thread about "Aliens" a little while back. Might be fun to do with "Escape from New York".
I consider Affleck to be the Patron Saint of Mediocrity [Does Jabootuism have patron saints? It needs them...], hence my pick for him as Snake Pliskin.
Him or that John Cena wrestler guy from the excremental "The Marine". "The Rock" might actually make a good Snake Pliskin that people would pay to see, which would ruin the whole Jabootu-esque script we're working on here. So we'll stop talking about him now before somebody sees it.
Hey! How about Wesley Snipes as The Duke of New York? He could be in for tax evasion.
[Actually, I think Snipes would probably make a pretty good Duke if he worked at it. He'd have to really not be Simon Phoenix from "Demolition Man".]
So...no Wesley Snipes. We have to go with John Leguizamo. He seems like he could run a whole city.
Cabby? I'm thinking Ed Asner. Just because I'd like seeing Ed Asner run over a landmine and die. But that's just me thinking out loud. He could drive around NYC listening to an old recording of the Leningrad Men's Choir singing "The Internationale" while dispensing useful advice to Affleck about how to stay alive in the city.
My earlier ideas about the "Brain" character were about as mediocre as I think Hollywood is capable of going. John Malkovich would make a good Brain.
But he'd steal every scene he was in and just make the film more bizarre and awful because of his good acting contrasting with everybody else's bad acting. So he's definitly in!
The absolute best pick for Warden? No kidding. Cameo appearance by Clint Eastwood. That would absolutely rock. The connection with him and Van Cleef and all...
So, no Eastwood. Besides, he'd just remind you that he's too old to be going into NYC instead of Affleck and that would be depressing. Couldn't we just CGI a young Eastwood? Dammit, somebody clone him so we can have some more Dirty Harry movies!
Maggie? How about Ann Coulter? Wouldn't that be dreadful? We could probably get Paris Hilton to do the part. Somebody vapid.
And Tom Green should be written into the script somehow. He could play that skinny character with the Campbell's Soup cans around his biceps that Brain stabs later in the film.
I'd pay to see that.
There, I think we've come up with something truly appalling and yet strangely satisfying all at once. |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 12:34:05 AM
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Not bad... John Lithgow needs to be in there though. I think he's a good candidate for Brain. And Snake should be played by someone who is cheesy but has charisma, so I'm going with The Rock. Ed Asner though- that's genius. How about Michael Clarke Duncan as Duke of New York??
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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Neville
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Spain
1590 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2007 : 06:28:30 AM
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My vote is Tom Green as Brain. I'm possitive he can look nerdy if he wants to, and the original Brain was too cool anyway. Ronny Cox would make a perfect warden, I agree on that.
The President, the President... Edward James Olmos? He plays a great leader in Battlestar Galactica, I'd like to see what he does with a goofy one. And I've never seen doing comedy.
As for Snake... Clive Owen. He can look tough and he can act.
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Asta Kask
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Sweden
263 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2007 : 02:40:30 AM
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Why do they have to remake good movies? Can't they remake bad movies that could have worked and get it right?
- Who is John Galt? - |
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Neville
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Spain
1590 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2007 : 05:47:06 AM
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I have a perfect candidate for Snake! Kiefer Sutherland. He is old enough to look convincing but not too old, has done action before and can act. Plus the role would be the perfect opportunity to spoof Jack Bauer and escape from his long shadow.
To Citizen Carrier: I understand your quips about Sayeed's character in Lost, but there are worse. Take Jack Bauer, for instance. We're never asked to approve Sayeed's torturing, and even his feelings of remorse play a pivotal part on his character's development, but we are suppossed to approve Jack's behaviour because, you know, he is one of the good guys and the script always justifies his actions. |
Edited by - Neville on 03/17/2007 07:36:31 AM |
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Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2007 : 09:18:48 AM
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Hmmm, Kiefer...
"Snake Plisken! I thought you were taller!!"
It would work.
"Meeting you makes me want to be a real noodle cook"
--Tampopo |
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