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Tork_110
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
360 Posts |
 Posted - 12/04/2005 : 10:32:16 PM
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I know it's been almost half a year since I wrote the last one of these. I got into programming for both the Atari 2600 and the GBA and haven't gotten back to this till recently.
All Steamed Up (Original Airdate 9-6-89)
We start this episode with a look at the Steam-o-Matic, a portable sauna. Mario and Luigi walk up to it and pretend to fiddle with a few pipes. Luigi announces that they're done tightening the pipes, which Mario responds to by saying that he thought they were loosening them. If they were going to tell a joke that lame, could the actors at least mime *different* movements with their wrenches?
The phone rings, and Mario tells Luigi to get it while Mario finishes work on the Steam-O-matic. The phone is a rotary phone lying on top of a gross looking pizza. Mario wants the speaker phone to be on, so he tells Luigi to push the pepperoni on top of a pizza that's on top of a speaker.
"Mario Bros. Plumbing! You block em, we clear em." Luigi, you two have to work on a better slogan. "Merio Bros, TEN HUT!" yells our guest star, Sgt. Slaughter. Maybe they brought him in too boost ratings by having him and Captain Albano body slam the actor who plays Luigi. But then Luigi will defeat them both by throwing Mario out of the ring and tossing Slaughter onto a breakable table! Luigi immediately salutes for no reason, while Mario calls the Sgt. a bully. The Sarge takes umbrage to this, and orders them give him 10. Luigi reacts by sarcastically saying that he will, while giving exaggerated faces to the speaker box. Did I mention that the speaker box is covered in pizza? Luigi quietly insults the speakerphone while pretending to do jumping jacks with his arms.
The Slaughter informs us that the Steam-O-Matic is his, and he's stuck on the Brooklyn Bridge on his way to pick it up, but he's taking a short cut. Mario asks how he can take a short cut on a bridge. "It helps if you have a Sherman tank, bozo!" Ok, that's kind of funny. Luigi turns off the speaker phone when he gets tired of hearing a loop sound effect of the "destruction". Mario says that the Steam-O-Matic is as ready as it will ever be, even though he hasn't done anything yet. Luigi says he'll go check on a pizza, but if I were them I wouldn't touch a pizza if that disgusting looking pizza phone was on the kitchen table.
Mario is worried about how tough the Sgt. can be at being a customer, so he decides to test the Steam-O-Matic. Not just by turning it on, or using it the way people usually use those kind of exercise machines, but he actually climbs into it and closes the door. (Yeah, I'm sure those things are always that big. No need for people to sit down, and locking a person inside completely won't present any problems.)
We cut to some prop stairs that look like they're being bent while a stomping sound effect is played a few times. Enter Sergeant Slaughter. He bullies Luigi who was just doing whatever somewhere else while Mario was setting up some wackiness. Sgt. Slaughter throws a switch on the Steam-O-Matic. We get a close up of the switch, and we note that right next to it is a cap for some aerosol can that was glued to the prop. The Steam-O-Matic starts to shake, which Sarge complains about. Luigi convinces him to come to the kitchen while we end the scene with a close up of the Steam-O-Matic.
Butch Mario and the Luigi Kid (written by Phil Harnage)
(First off, let me start off by saying that I've never seen Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, so I apologize if I miss any references to that film.)
We open with a shot of some green hills that are overlooking a desert.
Mario: Plumber's log number 1061. The evil King Koopa had grabbed Princess Toadstool and hidden her away in the Wild West.
A light sandstorm is in progress as our heroes walk onscreen with an orange sky behind them. Mario is carrying a plunger, and Toad is still wearing his alternate costume (from SMB1.) I believe it is the last time he'll wear those colors. The guys walk up to a lone cactus with a cowboy hat on it and Mario reads a note left on it. "Wanted, dead or alive, Butch Mario and the Luigi Kid." The note says that there's a 10000 gold coin reward, and it has a picture of Mario and Luigi on it. Luigi comically thinks that they shouldn't have come due to all the outlaws, until Toad points out whom those mustache looking guys on the note are.
Mario reads the reward out loud, which wakes up the cactus ("Pokey" in the game). The cowboy cactus decides to arrest the Marios. Mario puts his plunger to use by tossing it in the cactus's face, and since it's a cartoon, the plunger magically sticks to the cactus no matter how hard it tries to pull the plunger off. In fact, our heroes discuss their plans right next to the cactus afterwards. It's a good thing the cactus doesn't at least try to move around at random, because they're a couple feet in front of him.
Toad wonders why the brothers are on wanted posters, and Mario guesses that Koopa had something to do with that. Well, duh. It's a tv show where no matter where the heroes are, the villain is somewhere nearby doing something eevil. Speaking of which, we cut to a weird looking mountain. We then cut to the opening to a mine on top of the mountain. Another cut finally brings us to a part in the mine where the Princess is being kept. Koopa is cranking a rope that is attached to the cage that the Princess is in. Princess gives off a standard scream while he does this. "You'll never see those pipsqueak plumbers again. I put prices on their heads, and a posse on their tails." Nice alliteration, Koopa. "You'll spend the rest of your life crawling at my feet." Look, you're a spiked turtle and she's a mushroom woman. She's not your type. "I'll leave the crawling to you, you repulsive reptile," is the boring response. Koopa counters by picking a plate off the ground with three beans in it and tells her it'll be her meal for the next week. He also says that he'll return in a few weeks to accept her surrender. Uh, Koopa? That was a nice comeback to her weak insult, but I think you're mistaking her with a camel. I hope you plan to give her some water.
Mario, Luigi, and Toad are climbing a green hill to wherever. Toad threatens to "fix" Koopa's wagon, and Luigi "comically" misinterprets this. The point of this is to set up the grand introduction of Super Mario Bros. 2 boss Mouser, who has a slight German accent for some reason. He is a sheriff in "wherever the hell this cartoon takes place" Town and he has four Snifit deputies on ostriches, ready to arrest our heroes. After another lame misunderstanding by Luigi ("Felon? I never fell on anyone!") our heroes run away. To give the cartoon some credit, after the guys run away, the camera slowly pans over the Snifits who don't react at all. They even blink in unison! (Probably not on purpose, but it does fit the scene.) After Luigi's dumb remarks, this is pure comedy in comparison. They don't even run over Mouser when he finally yells at them.
Our heroes end up at a cliff overlooking a waterfall with plenty of logs floating by. Luigi mispronounces "dead end" a few times. Geez, no wonder Luigi was forgotten for a while until "Luigi's Mansion" was released.
Mario: Check out those logs. We'll leap frog across.
Toad: I'm no frog!! I can't even swim.
Mario: Then we'll leap mushroom. [!]
Cowardly Luigi: (Trying out for his future ghostbusting game) You
leap. I'll look.
I saw this several times before I caught Luigi's last joke.
Mouser, who is apparently rather slow, forces the guys to jump across the logs, JUST LIKE IN SMB2! The animators even remembered that the water would be moving in one direction, so they make our heroes jump not only forward but slightly to their left as well. They even spare us from a gag about Luigi almost slipping at the end, like in the first episode. Mouser commands the Snifits to do the same, but since they're henchmen, they all decide to jump on the same log, which sinks and causes them all to go over the waterfall. Mouser cries.
Later, Koopa chews out Mouser at the jail. Mouser is called a "bucktoothed bumblehead" and a disgrace. Mouser promises to get all the bounty hunters in the area after the Marios.
Speaking of which, we see our heroes all riding ostriches. They're still traveling to wherever they're going and the Bros are now wearing cowboy hats. Again, I apologize for not having seen "Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid" cause that might have explained the look of these hats. Tne hat I do recognize, however, is being worn by Toad (over his regular Mushroom cap.) I'm not making this up, but Toad is actually wearing the famous hat that Billy Jack wore. Seriously, it's a sign that the writers have a sense of humor outside of plumbing and pasta jokes.
Butch Mario, The Luigi Kid and Billy Toad walk up to a cactus with the reward for our plumbers now tripled. For some reason, this cactus doesn't turn into a Pokey (I wouldn't have been surprised if it was the same one from earlier), and our heroes also don't notice the masked bird (Tweeters in the game) that rubs it's greedy wings together and flies away. Luigi does notice the mountain where the Princess is being held, and that there are smoke signals coming out of it. (I'm going to ignore the fact that the Princess shouldn't have been able to do this, or the fact that she should be gasping for air if she had done so.)
Smoke signal: HELP
Mario: Help? Help who?
Smoke signal: ME
Luigi: Who's me?
Hilariously, the final smoke signal is a silhouette of the Princess, and the guys finally get it. Yeah, I recognize those hips anywhere. Our heroes run up to the entrance and are about to enter the mine when a voice calls out. It's Mouser, and he has them surrounded. There's off-screen teleporting, and then there's OFF-SCREEN TELEPORTING! Mouser tells them to reach for the sky, and in a funny touch, he's holding a Cobrat as a weapon. (SMB2 fans will recall that Cobrats were snakes that spit bullets.) It turns out that the tweeter from a scene ago snitched on the boys, and it distracts Mouser as it greedily squawks for the reward. Mario takes the opportunity to knock out three Snifits (who stand there and do nothing) and our heroes escape by ostrich. Mouser counters by pulling out a bomb and tossing it at a big rock on top of the mine. Instead of causing a cave in and killing the Princess, this causes the spherical rock to start rolling after our heroes. (By the way, if you ever see this scene, try to figure out Mouser's position from the wide angle and the close up. Also, when Mouser throws the bomb, note the reused animation, which shows not only the Snifits standing in front of the ostriches, but our heroes are still at the entrance!)
A generic tune starts to play as our low budget, animated, cowboy-themed version of the opening to Raiders of the Lost Ark goes on, so I'm guessing that some 80s pop tune originally played here. (Actually, according to the internet, it's "Rawhide.") Our heroes ride toward a fake looking western town, right out of Blazing Saddles (or maybe Gunslinger.) In the distance they can see some Pokeys, each armed with a Cobrat. It's overkill in the old west! Mario notices an Italian Restaurant, and stops [!] to get off. The ostriches barely have enough time to get out of the way before the boulder rolls past. I'm going to keep a close eye on the credits for a "no birds were harmed" disclaimer. The Pokeys, of course, are bowled over like bowling pins.
The Italian eatery turns out to be the poorly disguised jail. Mario and all face the camera and orders spaghetti to go. A familiar voice tells them to, "Stay, as my prisoners!" Our heroes raise their arms as we cut to a commercial.
Commercial break. Buy all our playsets and toys, kids.
We return to see our heroes locked in the cell by Koopa. Now, you must be asking how our heroes didn't see Koopa when they were ordering their meals. I'm trying to figure that out myself. To be fair, Koopa is seen wearing a chef hat as he locks our heroes up, so maybe there was some more furniture set up to make it look like a restaurant, and Koopa was hiding and all our heroes could see was his hat. Only until Koopa spoke up it was too late, and Koopa pointed a Cobrat at our unarmed heroes.
Or maybe it's a major use of the "if the audience can't see it, the characters can't either" cheat.
Then, in a bit that's so stupid that it must have been done on purpose to show how clever the writers are, after Koopa locks our heroes in, he squeezes the key until an orange liquid bursts out of it. [!!!] HE MURDERED THAT KEY! There's some joke made by Mario that I can't understand even after 8 or so tries, but the important thing is that he has a Plan.
We cut to Mouser standing in front of the cell, except that it's blue instead of gold. Whatever. I'm not going to even get into how the jail seems to have changed size and color. Luigi is crying for water. Oh, that old plan. Mouser is standing in front of the cell with a glass of water and a Cobrat, and decides to to open the cell. [!!!] He asks who was complaining, and the bros accuse each other. Cobrat decides to be a jerk, and a really stupid one at that, by drinking the water in a way that would have left him vulnerable for at least a couple seconds. Sure enough, the brothers spring in to action by...playing patty cake. "Hey!" Mouser ineffectually whines, as he walks closer to figure out what they're doing. SUDDENLY, Mario turns to Mouser and...knocks his hat off. "Hey!" Mouser says again, instead of shooting Mario. While Mario and Luigi toss a couple of excuses at Mouser, Toad - who was sitting at the bed to Mouser's right the entire time - sneaks under the hat. Yes, it was Mario's plan to smuggle Toad into Mouser's sheriff hat, and it worked like a charm! Mario and Luigi celebrate in front of a blue background.
Mouser walks into a bar. Hey, it's a western parody. They had to work a bar into it somehow. There are various turtle cowboys here and there, and Mouser places his hat on a table with a bag of bombs underneath it. No, really. Toad steals the bag and walks out of the bar without being seen. Then, in a scene I found funny due to the look on Toad's face, he lights a bomb and blows up the bar. There's something sick about the fact that I enjoyed that, but it was still funny. Maybe it's due to the hat he's wearing.
Meanwhile, Mario is so hungry that he's threatening to eat the mattress. (Where did he get those utensils?) Toad yells, "Bombs Away!" and the next second we see an explosion. The brothers hair is messed up but there is no hole in the wall. Oh wait, there it is. We had to get to a exterior shot first. Luigi needs a doctor. Mario needs a pizza. Mouser needs to learn about the element of surprise, since he just yells and points at them. Mouser has gathered a posse of a dozen turtle cowboys, but our heroes quickly escape back to the mine. For some reason, Mario exposits, "You're right, Toad. This is the mine where Princess Toadstool was sending those smoke signals." I guess they wanted to remind everybody who forgot since the commercial.
Our heroes enter the mine and take a left at a fork. It leads to a brick wall. Mario deduces that this is where the Princess is being kept, which wouldn't have been the conclusion that I would have made. Toad notices some plants, which happen to be bomb plants. He pulls one up while Luigi takes forever to pull another one up, JUST LIKE IN SMB2! Luigi doesn't notice the bomb until it explodes, and ends up lying in some brick wall debris. Dust is filling the cavern. Luigi is fine considering what just happened, but he tells Mario that he's a goner due to the dust. [!] Mario picks up Luigi and brings him outside, where Bowser awaits.
A small birdo appears out of the head of a fake cactus. It starts making "cheep cheep" noises. "At the CHEEP of six, DRAW!" Yes, it's time for a showdown. The birdo is polite enough to pause as Luigi tells a lame joke about "counting cheeps." When it finally reaches 5, Koopa draws his gun, a fire-spitting piranha plant. Koopa yells "Gotcha!", but doesn't do anything as Mariocomplains about cheating. Who says Koopa cheated? Since he didn't immediately shoot you, maybe the rules are different. Koopa finally squeezes off a fireball, and Mario immediately jumps it and draws a Cobrat. The animation implies that Cobrats don't just spit bullets, but that there is a tiny explosion like with real guns. And you thought cobras were scary!
Mario shoots everywhere, and decides that the dust must have settled and that it's time to rush back in. Despite that, our heroes run to the right of the fork. They run so fast that they don't notice the big cage with a princess in it and they end up destroying the cage and falling to the bottom of the mine, trapped. Koopa is right behind them and he brags about our heroes' fate. Koopa is about to send a bomb their way, but Mario notices a nearby pipe. Mario and Luigi somehow immediately get the pipes to face upward, and they decide to "flush" as Luigi says. Water shoots straight up and causes Koopa and the turtles to be thrown into the sky where they blow up. Our heroes don't drown despite all that water pressure. Yes, this is a very sloppy and convenient end to this cartoon.
Princess exclaims that she's free, and asks how she can ever thank Mario. Mario (who were those other guys again?) says that there are seven ways. Wow.
Mario: Spaghetti, ravioli, macaroni, tortellini, moscachelli*, linguini, and garlic ice cream.
Oh.
* I can't tell what he said here, so I just spelled it the way it sounded.
We return to live-action Luigi pulling a pizza out of an oven. He shows it to Slaughter, and they start rhyming as if Slaughter was a drill instructor.
Sgt Slaughter: What'd you make that pizza with?
Luigi: Anchovies, beans, and cheeze wiz. (umm, eww.)
Sgt Slaughter: I don't like that thumping sound. (cut to the
Steam-O-Matic)
Luigi: Boy, I wish Mario was around.
Sgt Slaughter: What's wrong with this steam machine.
Luigi: It just needs a bit more steam. (Rhyming "steam machine" with "steam?" Brilliant!)
Sgt Slaughter: Valve on, one, two! (I think. I listened several times and that's the best I could do.)
Luigi: Red zone, three, four! (He's referring to the arrow pointing to the red zone, as opposed to the green zone.)
(repeat, only louder)
Sgt Slaughter: (normal) All right dough boy. (singing) Hit the deck and no more jive!
Luigi: Please Sgt. Slaughter, can I just do five?
Sgt Slaughter: (normal) Read my lips, dough boy. (singing) Hit the deck and give me five!
Luigi: (spoken) Why I oughta... (he puts his hand under his chin, about to do a somewhat rude gesture)
Cheeze wiz pizza? Again, eww. Luigi gives in and starts doing pushups.
We return from a cut to see that Luigi has been doing 498 push ups, and Slaughter's been watching every one. Of course, we watch Slaughter's reaction so the actor who plays Luigi doesn't even have to do one. Luigi gets up and acts goofy. Sgt Slaughter ignores this and deduces that, "This must be some kind of Communist Plot." Luigi asks why. Poining to the arrow, he says, "It's in the RED zone." A joke so embarrassing, the USSR soon collapsed. Sgt. Slaughter feels that the machine is hot, and deems it ok for soldiers. He doesn't like the constant thumping, but otherwise he orders Luigi to load it on his tank. Slaughter reveals that he's double-parked, but not like double parked, I mean, he's parked on a Chevy! And not just a Chevy, but a Chevy owned by a woman! Komedy! Slaughter leaves, and Luigi gives him a quick raspberry.
Luigi tries to move the machine, even though it's huge. He mentions how angry he is at Mario, and finally, Mario burts out of the machine, saying that he's even angrier. However, the joke here is that Mario is now being played by an over-gesturing midget! (Joseph Griffo) Can you believe it?!!? Luigi must have poor sight, because he at first believes that Mario isn't standing. The episode ends with the brothers' comic exasperation (although the fact that Lou Albano appears in the guest credits quickly reveal that the reset button was hit pretty hard.)
Afterthoughts
I actually enjoyed this episode more than the last two. Despite the usual problems, the western setting was fun. I guess that's why this review is shorter than the other two. There wasn't as much material to be sarcastic about.
A month or so ago they actually released the Zelda cartoons to a DVD set. I actually bought this and enjoyed these cartoons more than I thought I would. The last time I watched them it was when my sister downloaded them from a website, and I was cringing at Link's catchphrase. Watching them again, despite that annoying catchprhase that I'll get to eventually, I thought the cartoons were pretty good. If only the DVD set included all the live action segments.
There are some plans to release a four disc set of The Super Mario Bros Super Show next year, but I don't know any details. Hopefully, it'll include all the Mario episodes with all live action segments. Meanwhile, I found out that there are some of the cartoons at a website called Yahoolagins for free.
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/tv/
I would like to thank a good friend of mine who I showed this review to. She returned it with grammar and spelling corrections, plus she MSTied some of it!
Till next time, Do the Mario.
Creator of the hit game, Homsar.
http://www.atariage.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=73280 |
Edited by - Tork_110 on 12/04/2005 10:33:46 PM
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Super Mario Bros. Super Show Ep. 3
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