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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
 Posted - 02/02/2008 : 11:11:12 AM
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In the spirit of the day of love, another of my insane Move Task Force Scanranger dissections, the story I and a few other people love to hate.
Episode 17-There’s Something About Toni
Summary: And it’s nothing good, believe me. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, Vixen attacks with a monster that invokes hate. The Scanrangers quickly find the cure, but she attacks the holiday dance with the same monster anyway. The bad guys are fought off with help from guest heroes Danger Woman and Phantom Highlander, and Toni’s new boyfriend.
Monster: KuroCupid
URL: [url]http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode17.html[/url]
Rants-
-Narration: Under the tutelage of Professor Lydia Allen, a professional dancer on Broadway, the students practice for the upcoming recital at the end of the semester.
*Broadway. And I suppose the physics professors all studied under Steven Hawking. Vince, give it up.
-Toni: “This isn't exactly the School of Performing Arts, but she expects excellence from everyone, including the novice dancer who never set foot out on the dance floor.."
*Her dance instructor expects excellence from someone who’s never set foot on a dance floor. I can see why CJU is one of the finest academic institutions in the country. Then again the same people hired Alex, and we’re going to see just what a mistake that was.
-Narration: Toni then notices one of the students in the Modern Dance class, near the corner of the room. His name was Dean Rayborn, a Dance Arts major himself. Dean was a very quiet guy. To most people on the outside, he looked like a typical Gen X 'slacker'..doesn't get involved, watch a lot of TV and Extreme mountain sports.
*Looks like he doesn’t get involved, just watches TV. And yet he has a really physical major like Dance Arts. Sorry, the stereotype doesn’t fit the major in my mind. Is Toni the one having these preconceived notions about Dean, or is it supposed to be the things we’d think if we saw Dean? It’s probably Vince describing a stupid stereotype rather than, you know, what the character looks like and how they act and talk. Like a real writer might.
-Narration: The female goes over to follow him, slowly showing a sly smile on lips.
*“The female”…Seriously.
-Bulletin: VALENTINE'S DANCE AT STEPHEN J. CANNELL HALL-FEB.14
Entertainment by DANGER WOMAN-The Sentai Songbird of Justice!
*I don’t see anything Sentai-ish about Danger Woman. She does know “Sentai” means basically “team,” right?
-Shady Woman: “Mmmmm...How about letting me assist you in getting what you want, fanboy?"
*She’s talking about Dean getting the nerve to ask Toni to the dance, I guess, but she never does anything to ensure that. Also is he a “fanboy” if he has a crush on someone? If it was Jessica Alba, but someone he goes to school with? Maybe if he stole Tony’s gym towels out of the laundry cart and rubbed them all over himself when he was alone, but he’d be called something a lot more severe than “fanboy” if that were the case.
-Shady Woman: “Toni is a very lovely lady.”
*If you’re into that whole “raging idiot” thing.
-Dean: “AAGGHH! What are you doing?! DON'T! STOP! HELP! YEARRGHHHH!"
*Shady Woman attacks Dean. Nobody hears him screaming his lungs out?
-Vixen: “I thank you, Mr. Rayburn..for revealing to me your lovely notion.. "You want this classmate for yourself...And you shall get your wish, but on my terms..Ohhh, yes!"
*Who else could Shady Woman have been? Anyway, well, no. She doesn’t do anything to make sure Dean and Toni hook up. It’s pretty darn unclear what she needs Dean for in any case. Plus earlier his last name was Rayborn with an ‘o’.
-Narration: The cyberguards load the unconscious Dean onto a table.
*Where are they performing their insidious experiment? Somewhere on campus? Is this wise with the six Scanrangers, their leader, and who knows how many agents and other personnel around? No, but when has that ever stopped MAYHEM before?
-Vixen: “All I want from you, my sweet, is your hormones...My machine shall drain them into my newest cybercreature..Then, I shall transfer those hormones back into your feeble body, and I shall increase your adrenaline system to its maximum peak..Once that's done, you will burn out, and so shall your life force once you've served your purpose!! Andy! Turn on the machine!"
*Despite my constant ranting I love Scanranger. I feel the same way reading it Ken Begg must watching an awful movie. You can’t stand to watch yet you can’t look away. The exception is the exposition, if you will. Vince, if you’re actually reading this, skip techno babble unless you’re going to make the effort to make sense.
-Andy Roy: “According to the humans customs here, Lady Vixen, I understand that they indulge in a ritual called Valentine's Day, and they utilize that day to show their appreciation for their loved one by giving flowers, candy, and the like.."
P.B. Floyd: "It was also on that date where most humans are in a depressed state because they have been spurned by someone they loved as well..."
Vixen: “And I can use that day to spread another epidemic, not like what that foolish teammate Key, tried to do..But this time, I shall use KuroCupid to spread not love, but all-consuming hatred in this city!”
*Yeah, “unleash monster that makes people riot with hate arrows” is so different from “unleash monster that makes people riot with computer virus.”
-Narration: The next day, at Professor Alex's faculty office, the rangers all gather together for an important announcement.
Toni: “A date for the Valentine's dance? Professor! I know that you're concerned about me, but do I have to pick between these four guys here?”
*Alex is trying set Toni up for the big V-Day dance with one of the guys on the team. This is what I was talking about at the top. What makes the issue of Toni’s date any of Alex’s business? This is meant as set-up so Toni can accidentally end up going with Dean instead of one of her teammates, but I wonder if it ever occurred to Vince he was having Alex do something that would get her fired on the spot if Toni reported it.
-Alex: “What's wrong with that, Toni? Personally, I think it's beautiful..Four handsome guys to be your escort, and one of them will be your date for that night..
Takeshi: “HEY! What am I, chopped tofu?"
*Ha ha! Takeshi’s Asian so he said chopped tofu instead of chopped liver. See how clever that is?
-Alex: “Don't worry, Takeshi.. I've already got someone in mind for you already..”
Takeshi: “And now you're playing matchmaker for one night? Who gave you permission to be the host of 'Love Connection'? I'm outta here! I'll find my own date for that night!”
*You go girl! Stick it to The wo-Man!
-Alex: “Don't worry, Mikey.. Let him go..I think to an extent that I may have pressured him…”
*Ya think? Of course she’s not putting any pressure on Toni…oh wait, she is.
-Nick: “One question, Profess! Since you're playing matchmaker,suppose Toni picks one of us, what's to happen to the other three that doesn't have a date?"
*Why are any of you going along with this? Don’t you realize what your teacher is doing?
-Alex: “Good question..That's a really good question.." Alex pretends to be clueless about the whole thing, but she did have a surprise for all of them.
*One too good to share, apparently, since we never find out what she’s talking about.
-Narration: B.C. sings a catchy tune from 'Fiddler on the Roof'. "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match! Find me a find! Catch me a catch-"
*If by “catchy” you mean like “I hope he catches a fatal disease.”
-Rosewood: “Scanrangers! MAYHEM's on the attack again! They're in the Crosby Hall area!"
Vin: “Right! Let's get going!"
Narration: "Right!" said the other four. The five campus heroes then teleport to the Crosby Hall area per Rosewood's instructions.
*Takeshi was just there, he couldn’t have gotten far. Why doesn’t he come? He’s as much a part of that misbegotten excuse for a team as any of the other five.
-Narration: As they arrive, they are greeted by a band of Kinks.
Nick: "So, the cannon fodder's come to greet us, huh?"
Toni: "Take care, Nick..They're not as easy to beat as before…”
*Why not? When and how did the Kinks get tougher? And why does Toni seem to know about this rather than the smart guy on the team? Because it’s her episode.
-Vixen: “I believe my plan is somewhat too much for you children to comprehend.”
*That’s not so hard to believe.
-Narration: The three villains attack the Scanrangers, with the goal to allow KuroCupid to carry out his sinister plan.
*Then maybe sending down Kinks to attack everything in sight wasn’t the best idea.
-Narration: Vixen slashes through Red, Green and Pink, stopping them temporarily, while the cyberguards take out Green and Blue.
*Nice quality checking.
-Narration: The cybercreature shot one of his arrows at the guy. He falls over, with the arrow grafting on his arm, and transforming into a MAYHEM mark, with a broken heart shape.
*I thought the MAYHEM symbol was a spider. Here it’s a broken heart?
-Kurocupid: “I'm in the mood for hate..Simply because you're not near me!!"
*Have I mentioned lately that MAYHEM is the so lame the Legion of Doom makes fun of them?
-Narration: The various arrows he shot brainwashed the victim, and enabled them to turn against each other. Instead of the legend where the arrows represented love, the cybercreature's arrows were filled with bias and hate!
*Vixen already said that, we just saw a couple shot by the arrows start to fight each other, but thanks for going that extra mile to insult our intelligence. And again that’s not what “enable” means.
-Vixen: “Your friends will eventually begin a riot all over the city! You have a choice, rangers! Stop us now, or save those helpless humans!"
*Stop us now? Vixen was trying to distract the Scanrangers so the monster could get away. How would they “stop” her?
-Vin: “Shoot! We have a chance to take them out now! We must-"
B.C.: "Don't do it, Red! First priority needs to be the students! There's gotta be a way to stop them fighting each other!"
*As if Scanranger vs. Jetman didn’t make Vin look like enough of a jackass, here the great leader is being reminded of his priorities by B.C. Shimamura. The guy who doesn’t deserve to be scrubbing toilets at Project Paramount.
-Kurocupid: "Not so fast, Scanrangers!" said KuroCupid. "Before I continue, I want you to meet your fan club!" He gives instructions to the victims to stop fighting. "Now, these heroes have caused enough trouble in your school! They are not welcome here! Attack them! Get them out of here!"
*He can control the people he shoots? I don’t know, that seems to defeat the purpose of making them go mad with hate.
-Narration: The six students then attack the rangers as they chant, "Smash the rangers! Smash the rangers!" Green was about to retaliate, but RedScanner stops him.
Vin: "No, Green! BlueScanner's right! Don't attack them! You'll provoke them even more!" The students then began to beat on them, although they were no match for them.
*Vin kind of redeems himself, but notice I say kind of. His reason for not retaliating is riling the maddened students up even more. Not that they’re innocent people who probably don’t deserve to get beaten up by the Scanrangers. Two other things: what did B.C. say that Vin’s referring to, and no, you wouldn’t think a bunch of college kids would be a match for an almost equal number of martial artists in high-tech power suits.
-Alex: “Rangers! Pull back! Pull back for now!" They teleported back out of harms way.
*Thanks Alex! Surrounded by people we can’t fight, what were we gonna do without that kind of tactical brilliance?
-Narration: Meanwhile, Dean woke up after being held captive. "W-What happened? What's going on?" He stumbles, feeling very weak. Dean sees the cybercreature from a distance, attacking the CJU students. "That monster..it came from my imagination? I-I must do something..but I..I must rest..rest a bit.." He stumbles back to his dorm room.
*Dean subconsciously created the monster? Is a little clarity too much to ask??
-Narration: Later, back at Cape Paramount base after classes were done, the worn out movie task force plan a counterattack in the IMAX briefing room.
*After classes! That’s ridiculous for not one but two reasons! First, classes during rioting? Are you kidding me? “One of the safest scholls in this country” indeed! Second, this isn’t something the local superheroes are in any hurry to stop, apparently. That Malcolm guy who headed a protest against the Scanrangers had the right idea, and you know you’re reading a bad story when the villains are the sympathetic characters.
-Reporter: “We have a breaking news report on the CJU campus.." began the NewsCenter 4 anchorwoman. "Scores of students nearly trashed the campus cafeteria soon after the mysterious Scanranger team failed to stop a monster wreaking havoc at the school. Windows and doors have been smashed for no clear motive as of yet... So far, no injuries have been reported, but Newscenter 4 will update you for further details..."
*See? And there’s been destruction but no deaths or injuries. And yet Vince will throw a rather grim plot at us later.
-Nick: “Blast it!" shouted Nick, slamming his fist on the table. "What can we do? It's my fault that I didn't stop that cybercreature when I had the chance!"
*Who the what where? Nick didn’t have a shot at Kurocupid he didn’t take.
-Alex: “Don't blame yourself, Nick..Vixen had put all of you in a serious position, and with B.C.'s help, you made the right choice..”
*Actually that was Vin stopping him from maiming a student, but one idiot’s as good as another.
-Toni: “Something did happen when I tried to stop one of those possessed students. He stopped fighting after I unintentionally embraced him for just a second..”
*Good thing the odds of accidentally hugging someone in a fight are so high.
-Toni: “That KuroCupid character was speaking in riddles, talking about spreading the message of hate..”
*Uh, no. Vixen talked about that, but not Kurocupid.
-Toni: “And how does one combat hate?"
The guys: "Oh no!! Another no-brainer..Love!!"
*Again, I’m warning you this episode you’re reading now is going to try to be dark and scary later, yet know they’re using a goofy sentimental solution to their problem. Sound like a feasible combination?
-Alex: “The young kids would've gotten the answer even before you thought about it..He-Man used it on one episode, and even I dare say, the Smurfs even used that as a weapon.."
*If Alex knew this all along, why did she wait for her team to figure it out? Guess she’s in no hurry to save campus property either. I don’t remember He-Man ever beating Skeletor by hugging him. After that psychotic mis-remembered Star Trek thing from Scanranger vs. Jetman I wonder if even Vince knows what he’s having Alex talk about. Of course, He-Man and the Smurfs probably used love because in 80’s cartoons, you couldn’t inflict bodily harm on anything except robots. What could the Smurfs possibly beat with brute force anyway?
-Nick: “So how are we to cure all of those riot-induced campus people?"
Alex: "That's where you come in, Nick..Your Holo-clones should be enough to bring them back to their state of mind.."
*A bit of history, in case you’re reading this before I share my dissection of “What a Tangled World-Wide Web We Weave.” In the previous episode the Scanrangers’ powers suddenly shut down when they tried to use their special attacks that had been stolen by the villains. For Nick, it was using his Holo-clones. Yet in this episode he’s able to use them with no problem at all. And it’s not for a while yet, but a couple episodes down the line Nick gets his movie powers upgraded and then gets the ability to make his holograms solid. In this episode his hologram clones can hug people to break Kurocupid’s spell, but how could they do that without being solid? I might not care if Scanranger was just another idiotic fanfiction, but it’s an idiotic fanfiction the writer’s been plugging away at for more than ten years. How can you care so much and so little at the same time?
-Somebody: “We'll do it, Profess, When do we start?"
Alex: "Immediately, without them causing enough further damage as it is..Go!"
*It’s bad enough you guys waited until classes ended, now you’re still dragging your feet!
-Vin: “"Wait! Don't do this! You'll wreck the school!" They embraced the couple with a group hug.
*I’m sorry, but once again, dark and scary later, group hugs fix things now.
-Narration: As Dean walked on his way to chat with Toni, Vin then put her arm on her shoulder. Dean was under the impression that Vin was her boyfriend.
*Why would Vin do that to his platonic friend? You’d think Toni would be weirded out already by her teacher trying to set her up. And Alex doesn’t give up because of a little thing like a monster attack followed by riots, oh no…
-Narration: Nick then listens on his headphones, noticing the hypnosis has worn off on the CJU students.
*Which he can tell on his headphones.
-Vixen: “My plan was foolproof! How could've they figured out the antidote?"
*Maybe if you made it something a little less obvious…? Like playing Menudo songs?
-Key: “You forget, lady, that these people are the future leaders of the world.."
*If that’s not a Mary Sue line, I don’t know what is.
-Key: “The humans figured out that even a crazy little thing called love can conquer all. I even remember a time where I had a little girlfriend, until she turned me down because of my views of how the government was corrupt..”
*An opportunity for a little character depth, wow. Let’s walk right on by like it didn’t happen.
-Vixen: “Quit babbling, you idiot! The fact that those blasted Scumrangers stopped the ongoing riot means that I have to step up in the next phase of my plan, where that wimpy human male will be celebrating at that school dance later this week.”
*If the “wimpy human male” being at the dance is part of Vixen’s plan, maybe she should’ve made sure he got that date with Toni so he’d have a reason to go. It’s a good thing for Vixen the forces of insane coincidence are on her side tonight. I’d like to know how she’s going to step up her plan if it can only be carried out on a certain date, and what her plan is to begin with.
-Vixen: “As he and those humans dance the night away, we shall cause absolute mayhem and terror to that town! Andy! Explain to Key about our operation, the 'Central Jersey Culling!'" The cyberguard shows Key a history book, which had a section on infamous gangsters of the 1920's. Key looks at the article, and slowly smiles, which turns in a chuckle, then a hearty diabolical laugh. Vixen and Ug look over his shoulder and laugh as well.
*It’s Vixen’s plan, isn’t it? Why is she looking over Key’s shoulder and laughing like she’s just gotten the joke?
-It might be worth pointing out the Scanrangers already figured out how to counter the monster’s power. Unless Vixen takes steps to make sure they don’t (and with all the missed opportunities in this episode alone, why should we assume that?), this would seem to render Kurocupid rather useless.
-Alex: “"Well, did you make a pick just yet?"
Toni: "Well, uh..I..uh..You know what, Professor? I..I've decided to surprise you..You know, wait until the first dance got started..."
*Yuck. I’m sure Vince thought he was making Alex all sympathetic and concerned for the rangers’ happiness, but good gravy! How could anyone not realize how slimy that kind of conduct is?
-Toni: “In fact.." Toni continued. "I choose...you!?" She pointed to Dean, who beat the other four to the punch.
*This farce reaches its climax as Dean happens to be in just the right place at just the right time for Toni to accidentally pick him as her date. I’m glad it’s over, but at the same time all I can think is “What’s next?”
-Vin: “Disappointed, Profess?"
Alex: "What do you think?”
*If I had some idea what motivated you to interfere in the first place…
-Nick: “But I wanted to date her!!" He acts like he was going through a temper tantrum. "I'll probably never get married! Whaahh!!"
*Good to see B.C. doesn’t have the monopoly on awful humor. *shudder*
-Narration: Toni and Dean entered in, with the lady stunning the males, including the male rangers, with a lovely strapless pink dress, something similar to the gown Marilyn Monroe wore in the movie 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.'
Assorted idiocy: "Whoa! Hey, B.C.," said Vin, stunned at Toni's appearance. "How do you say, 'Helloooo, Nurse' in Japanese?" B.C. couldn't answer as he was going ga-ga over how beautiful Toni looked. "Chikyu(Earth) calling B.C.." said Kunio. Are you there? Are you there?" He waved his hand in front of his face, All he could say was, "Utsukushi.." Beautiful..."
*Vince, for the sake of your story’s ability to deliver a message people will listen to, skip the bad comedy and uncontrolled reveling in your characters’ awesomeness.
-Master of Ceremonies: “Welcome to the 3rd annual Valentine's Day dance at CJU! This year, the theme of this dance will be dedicated to the 'Big 80's!’”
*Only the third one?
-Narration: The cyberguards had earlier knocked out, then bound and gagged the private security firm who were to oversee the ball for safety reasons. The real guards were locked up or unconscious outside the campus.
*Huh. So MAYHEM did take some preventative measures. Too bad they forgot to do anything about the other superhero who’s making an appearance at the dance. Vixen didn't even seem to know there'd be one.
-Master of Ceremonies: “Ladies and Gentlemen, in keeping with the theme of the dance tonight, I would like to introduce to you our entertainment for the night...Danger Woman!"
*That’s pretty much all the introduction Danger Woman gets. Then again I should probably be happy this is all there is knowing what a confusing and misdirected mess her backstory is when it’s given. What I would like explained is what she has to do with the 80’s.
-Vin: “What's up, Takeshi? I see that you didn't have a problem with finding that special someone tonight.."
Takeshi: "Nope..In fact, she's also an Asian Studies professor like myself. Professor Lin, these are my friends..And not only that, I've got some other friends to introduce to you too, guys. [Reviewer: There’s no end quote here] This is Angel, Terry, Lisa, and B.C., I believe you know this woman..Kimiko.."
*So after telling Alex off for trying to be the matchmaker, Takeshi ends up being one himself. I have to say I’m disappointed.
-Vixen: “"I come to give greetings and salutations from the MAYHEM Corps! We're here to make your Valentine's dance a very bloody valentine tonight!"
MC: "Is this this part of the show?
*We see the Scanrangers in the news a couple times implying their exploits are pretty well-known. You’d think their enemies would be too. Now I admit I know exactly jack shine about the process of hiring MC’s, but in any kind of sane world (and do you want us to think Scanranger isn’t, Mr. Jones?) people would probably know who the super-powered terrorists attacking their city on a regular basis are. Did the guy get hired and drive in from another state? And he didn’t hear anything about the super-villains who routinely menace the area? Why am I even asking? The fabric of the Scanranger universe sucks all trace of intelligence and logic from its inhabitants.
After all the cartooniness before, this is where the darkness starts to cut loose with Vixen calling her plans “bloody.” No, it really doesn’t mix.
-Narration: The rest of the party-goers attempt to leave the building, but was stopped by security. Or was they really security?
*Nice wrongful use of “was” there. Of course, Vixen’s flunkies already told her (and therefore us) about all the security guards being substituted with their boys. Why does Vince say that like we don’t already know?
-Toni: “Only you can spoil a special night like this in order to achieve you goals for world domination!”
*Pardon my ignorance but how, exactly, does attacking a college dance advance MAYHEM’s goals of global domination? And is MAYHEM seriously the only thing that can ruin Valentine’s Day?
-Narration: The five male rangers go after the cybercreature.
*But Toni hangs back. Battling evil is so unladylike.
-Narration: KuroCupid shoots one of his special arrows in front of the five. It was a smoke arrow with a chemical which altered everyone's minds, forcing the guys to gag and cough, then was compelled to fight each other.
Kunio: "What's wrong with me? I..I feel compelled to attack SilverScanner
*Oh yeah, that’s why Toni hung back, because she’s the star of the episode and needs to be unaffected so she can save the day (Actually that’s wrong, since she doesn’t do anything except tell them to fight it until the spell is broken. Since the Scanrangers can protest while killing each other it’s not that big a difference). Wouldn’t a contextual explanation be nice for once? Love how the exact same verb comes to mind for both Kunio and the narrator.
-Hey, the story’s chopped into sections again! But look! There’s a link to the second one! Was that so hard Vinny?
When a stranger calls, make friends with him. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2008 : 11:16:52 AM
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Part 2-[url]http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/episode17b.html[/url]-Narration: From the top of the stage came a woman with a blue bodysuit and cape. PinkScanner was surprised and saw someone else coming to her rescue.
*Am I the only one who remembers the poster for this dance advertising the attendance of another superhero? I guess so. Didn’t she take the stage and get to sing for a while before MAYHEM attacked? Maybe nobody paid attention. What a stupid universe.
-Danger Woman: “HEY, EVIL MONSTER DEMON!”
*Speaks for itself, I think.
-Danger Woman: “I am Danger Woman! Heroic Karaoke Sentai ally to those in need! On behalf of the zoo-going children of the world,I will right wrongs and punish evil monster demon robots! And that means you!!"
*Now it’s evil monster demon robots. Holy crud. That’s not half as goofy as Heroic Karaoke Sentai ally, though. I wonder if she made that up herself or if Vince offered a little help. In any case, Danger Woman isn’t the next Sailor Moon and never will be, so she ought to stop trying.
-Narration: At the same time, unaware of the ongoing battle, Dean comes out of the men's room.
*Dean hasn’t heard any of the battling or the panicked students fleeing because he was in the men’s room? Not unless he was sitting in a stall with this hands over his ears saying “Don’t screw up don’t screw up don’t screw up” the entire time.
-Vixen: “Yes! Ohhh, yes! What a surprise! The same weak-minded human who's responsible for our creature creation! and now with his increased hormones at his peak, he shall destroy the Scanrangers with that extra energy!! Glorious!!"
Narration: Dean fights off the effects of the hate arrow. He struggles and is on his knees for a few moments. Yet, somehow, he gets back on his feet, remembering the command KuroCupid gave him. "Yes..Kill..Kill!" He blasts off his energy, but not at Pinkscanner and DW, but right back at the cybercreature! Dean collapses again. KuroCupid was stunned and temporarily out. In the process, the Scanrangers ceased fighting each other.
*Just before this Dean took one of Kurocupid’s arrows meant for Toni. Was that part of Vixen’s plan that she’s talking about here? Why was she counting on him to use the energy he built up to blow up the Scanrangers? What made her think it would spell the team’s doom if it didn’t even kill Kurocupid? Vixen doesn’t seem to believe in checking for errors any more than her creator.
-Vixen: “What? That's impossible! No one can't resist the effects of the hate arrow!!"
Toni: "Except for a pure heart, villainess! You should know that any one with a strong will and an innocent heart can fight off any type of hate and bias!"
*Nice grammar there, Vix. Also, an “innocent” heart can throw off any hate and bias? Vince should’ve looked for another adjective since unless we’re talking about “innocent of all charges” the I-word typically means “naïve and gullible.”
-Danger Woman: “Prepare to get another serious headache,demon monster robot!”
*That still sounds stupid.
-Danger Woman: “Wait! I've picked up something from my Danger Sense! I heard Vixen's sinister plot! The doors are locked, and security has the guests trapped!"
Toni: "What's wrong?”
*Whaddaya mean “what’s wrong”?!
-Danger Woman: “That's it! That's what she meant by making a bloody valentine! That evil woman's about to murder everyone at the dance, like in the St. Valentine's Day Massacre!!”
*The real St. Valentine’s Day Massacre was gangsters killing each other over turf and illicit businesses. Of the people who were killed only one was an innocent bystander. I can’t tell what Vince thought he was doing. Probably attempting to make MAYHEM more evil, but not only is tying your fictional account into a real tragedy one of the things you need to know what you’re doing to keep it from coming off as galling, like funny jokes and teaming up with Jetman, with Scanranger seemingly intended for all ages it’s an even weirder choice. Watch Vince Jones repeatedly make an insult out of the word “bastion.”
-I probably have no idea what I’m talking about as usual, but the weirdest thing about the attempted slaughter of the CJU student body is this is the Valentine’s Day episode. Why would you try to make that of all episodes extra dark? Especially since everything immediately reverts to being super duper happy after the Scanrangers win (whoops, sorry).
-Narration: The warrior woman charges at the rangers, but was stopped by a stray shot in the arm coming out of nowhere.
*Think about what “stray” means. That’s right, a stray shot is a shot that hits something it wasn’t meant to. The person who fired the shot is Danger Woman’s boyfriend. How likely is it he meant to shoot someone attacking her?
-Phantom Highlander: “Friends call me the Phantom Highlander.. the leader of Clan MacVal, and the sworn protector of DangerWoman, whom you are threatening..”
*What kind of superhero needs a “sworn protector”?
-Narration: She shoots a blast from her sword. PH somersaults over and kicks her in the chest. With his special mind control powers, he retrieves his sword and duels with Vixen.
Kunio: “I don't believe this! It feels like we're stuck in the middle of a 'Sailor Moon' episode!”
*Based on what? Vixen and Phantom Highlander having a sword fight? Yeah, that happened a lot in Sailor Moon (it didn’t). When you come right down to it why doesn’t he think things are like that all the time? It’s not like it’s any secret what one of the major influences was…
-Toni: “How about a 'Highlander' episode?" The duel came to a close as the Phantom Highlander delivers another kick to Vixen's chest, knocking her aside.
*Because only Sailor Moon and Highlander had sword fights, apparently. No, this would be like a Highlander episode if the loser of the duel ended up decapitated.
-Nick: “Darn it! Vixen got away again!"
Phantom Highlander: "It's all right, Scanranger.."You'll defeat her as always..”
*If she didn’t keep getting away to menace them again that might be meaningful.
-Pink: “We can finish him together..The guys gave me the OK.."
*Why do the girls need the guys’ okay to finish off the monster if they can? Besides, they don’t.
-Narration: The wave pummels the cybercreature, drowning it, and sets him on its way to a giant iceberg! KuroCupid collides head first through the iceberg, outside of Cannell Hall and lands back on the ground, almost out. The new attack was similar to Sailor Neptune's deadly attack called 'Deep Submerge.
*Toni creates a new attack based on Titanic (which I don’t remember being a musical, but I guess it counts as long as there’s one song connected to the movie). However, Deep Submerge is an attack where water is gathered into a ball, as you can plainly see ([url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLlZ-fvO4VU[/url]). I guess it’s similar if you count “it involves water.”
-Vin: “All right! It's the guy's turn to rock!”
*The one guy, even though all the Scanrangers use the Camzooka to finish off Kurocupid.
-Narration: As the rangers celebrate their triumph, Danger Woman looks away, seeing PH disappearing once again.
*Once again? Should we know that’s common? Then gee, maybe some background or even a link to a place where we could find background would’ve been welcome.
-Imagine this scenario. You’re at a party having a great time when you go outside, maybe to get more beer or just to breathe for a minute, doesn’t matter. While you’re out there, suddenly a guy sticks a gun in your face and demands all your worldly goods. The cops are right there and slap the cuffs on him, but supposing you even feel like staying after that, are you going to be up for the same level of partying as before you were assaulted? If you live in the Scanranger universe, the answer is yes.
-Narration: Danger Woman and the rest of the band play a rocking club version of 'The Gatchaman Song'(by special request) in the background.
*Whose, I wonder.
-Dean: “So you still want something to drink?"
Toni: “Yeah, but I'm not thirsty..”
*Uh…what??
-Almost a full two pages is spent on an epilogue where the Scanrangers open their valentines from an assortment of various celebrities. If I said it elsewhere past or future and I’m sure I did, I take it back. This is the most Mary Sue thing Scanranger’s ever done.
-It also doesn’t make any sense. In a later episode Vin talks about this part like it really happened, whereas until then the sheer of far-fetchedness of the entire exercise had lulled me into thinking the Valentine-opening scene didn’t count.
-Vin: (Vin opens his cards)I got one from..Tyra? HOW DID SHE KNOW WHO I AM?
*How do any of these famous people know who a couple college kids in the middle of freaking New Jersey are?
-Vin: “…and from Amy Jo, and Katherine…”
*He’s talking about the first two actresses to be the pink ranger on Mighty Morphin Power Rangers!. First off, one of the main reasons Scanranger exists is to let the writer tell anyone who’ll listen that he hates the show. What’s the thinking behind the first two pink rangers give Vin valentines? Realizing where the real men are? I’m sorry Vin, but Tommy Oliver is one of the most well-knowns name in both PR and Sentai fandoms for a reason. Second, the second one’s name was Catherine Sutherland with a C, her character was Katherine with a K. Maybe Vince was just being cute, but probably he wasn’t willing to use the very internet that allows him to share his dumb story with the world to find out her real name.
-B.C.: “Oh my Gosh! Sayuri! She's still thinks of me!”
*And in Scanranger vs. Jetman he wondered if she even knew he existed.
-Nick: (smiling in a sinister fashion)Oh oh..Let's check it out..what do you think is in the tape?
Kunio:Baka! Idiot! This is a kids show! The one who created us would not even permit it!
*Yet he permitted the almost-mass murder of the CJU student body…
-Tamlyn Tomita: (In the tune of Happy Birthday)Happy Valentine's Day, Kunio-kun, you're the only one who makes me swoon, You're a man who peachy-keen and OK, Come back to Japan and let's play..Tamlyn
Nick: I hope we're talking about video games..(B.C., for once smacks Nick in the back of the head) What?!
B.C.: She WAS talking Playstation video games, genius!(shows Nick a pair of Dragonball Z Playstation cassettes)
Nick: (embarrassed) Uhh..My bad?!
*I feel like I’m reading something badly translated from another language. And again Vince was unable to work up the energy to do any research, because as even my mother knows, Playstation games came on discs, not cassettes.
-Here I am, exhausted but triumphant after another epically disastrous episode of Movie Task Force Scanranger. Can the story get stupid enough to top the one-two punch of Scanranger vs. Jetman and There’s Something About Toni? Let the disturbed quest to find the answer begin.
When a stranger calls, make friends with him. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 02/04/2008 6:13:59 PM |
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Greenhornet
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1791 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2008 : 09:09:54 AM
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Here I am with my two cents, I mean, "two POINTS".
First, IF Alex had been trying to set up Toni with a date as part of a mission or because she was concerned that Toni was neglecting her life outside of the Scanrangers, it probably would hev been less objectionable and creepy.
Second, the only simularities between the attack on the dance and the St. Valentine's Day massacre, is the fact that two of the Capone hitters were dressed as cops and MAYHEM had replaced the bouncers with their own boys. That's known in military circles as "flying a false flag" and at least Vixen showed some brains, espessialy since the mass murder at the dance would have shut down the college for months and hindered the rangers.
"The Queen is testing poisons." CLEOPATRA, 1935 |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2008 : 6:22:18 PM
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You make an interesting case Greenhornet. My only thing about Vixen "showing brains" is switching her guys for the guards is the only thing that made sense. For instance, some part of her plan apparently included having Dean blow up the Scanrangers, but:
1) She didn't really do anything to ensure he would take the ability to blow something up and use it on Scanranger. Not only that,
2) She didn't even ensure he'd go to the dance she was going to attack. Suppose he couldn't find a date and blew up a bookshelf while he was studying instead.
There's also of course the fact that she somehow missed there being another hero attendance to give Scanranger a hand...
Thank for your feedback, anyone else is encouraged to leave theirs as well. I really had fun cutting up this episode and I'm thinking about what would be a good follow-up...
When a stranger calls, make friends with him. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 02/04/2008 7:31:22 PM |
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Scanranger Valentine Special
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