Things I Hate (and a whole lot more)
about The Lost World: Jurassic Park
-by Ken Begg
When Lost World: Jurassic Park came
out, some readers asked me if I intended to do a review of it. I said no. While the film
annoyed me in many instances, it wasnt nearly bad enough to qualify for a review.
Besides, the end stuff, featuring the T-Rex running amok in San Diego, was everything that
a kid growing up on poorly made monster movies could wish for. For that small bit, the
film is quite fabulous.
Yet, the picture has idiocies galore. And
the man to blame is Steven Spielberg. Why? Early in his career, as a kid really, Spielberg
made Jaws, the finest monster movie ever. (No, Im not going to argue over
whether a twenty-five foot super-smart shark is a monster.) Its simply a brilliant
film. And its utterly different than LW:JP, much to the latters
The Spielberg who made LW:JP was at
the peak of his powers, artistically and financially. Yet its obvious that he was
bored with this kind of film. The plot had tons of errors big and small and the characters
were extremely cartoonish and two-dimensional. If Spielberg had cared in the slightest,
theres no way that the film would have been so utterly sloppy and predictable.
Frankly, Stevie, if your hearts not in it, dont make this kind of movie
For instance, every expert in Jaws
knows his business. Hooper is an intelligent and knowledgeable scientist. Brodys a
pretty good lawman. And Quint, other than being a psycho, is a masterful and crafty
sailor. Meanwhile, in Lost World, every expert acts like an idiot, in
ways that no one in their profession would. See below for numerous examples.
Also, Steves politics have
grown into your standard lefty Hollywood ideology. This means that if
youre the right type of person; i.e., a headstrong female scientist, a radical
environmentalist, a black kid, etc., you can do no wrong. If youre the wrong kind,
though, a mercenary, an Evil Capitalist or a lawyer (the first Jurassic Park), then
youre T-Rex meat.
The one quasi-exception here is Roland, the
Great White Hunter. Its clear that Spielberg doesnt know what to do with him.
The kid in him, the one that made Jaws and Raiders of the Lost Ark and grew
up on classic movies featuring Adventurer Heroes, like King Solomons Mine and
Gunga Din, wants Roland to be a hero. However, the adult Spielberg, locked into the
politically correct mindset of Hollywood, cant escape the feeling that making such
fellows heroic is, well, Imperialist. So Roland, who started the film wanting to hunt and
kill a T-Rex, disgustedly abandons his quest after a bout of spiritual growth and is
allowed to live out the movie.
Spielbergs also become a pacifist,
refusing to let anyone in one of his more recent entertainment films use a
weapon effectively. Noticeably, no one in either Jurassic Park movie at any point uses a
gun to advantage. Nor does Spielberg allow any character on his cartoon shows to carry a
gun. So much for Elmer Fudd. This makes me wary of how he can possibly direct another
Indiana Jones movie. (Remember the TV show, wherein the young Indy was portrayed as a
pacifist? How did that character ever grow up to become the Indiana Jones of Raiders of
the Lost Ark?)
Is this the man who made Jaws?
Remember how many movies ripped off the cant close the beach thing? And
how the guy who made that decision was always stupid and evil and got killed by whatever
menace that particular film boasted? Well, in Jaws, the Mayors isnt
only not evil, but hes given a terrific scene to show that hes instead
your typical, fallible human being.
Brody angrily demands that the Mayor hire
Quint after the shark almost kills Brodys son. Rambling incoherently, the Mayor
immediately signs the papers. Shaken, he then looks up at Brody and says, "My
kids were out there, too." The Mayor wasnt an evil man, just a guy who sold
himself a lie because thats what his job demanded. The realization of what he risked
in pursuing that lie has obviously hit him hard. Its one of the best moments in a
film full of them.
And when Brody, the films main
protagonist, gets assaulted by the mother of one of the sharks victims, he has to
face the fact that hes partly responsible for the cover-up. While more hesitant than
the other town fathers, he went along with the pressure to just believe that everything
was fine. Brody, who hates the water, tags along with Quint on the shark hunt largely to
assuage his own guilt.
So how does a guy make a movie with this
kind of three-dimensional characterization early in his career, and then turn out stuff
like this twenty years later? Got me.
Anway, heres some things that bugged
me and some general observations:
- Little Rich Girl wanders off in the beginning of the movie
and comes across some chicken sized dino-predators. (This, by the way, was roughly the
actual size of the Velociraptor. They were unscientifically embiggened to make them
scarier in Jurassic Park.) She ends up being beset by dozens of these beasties for
what I assume is meant to be several minutes. We are soon informed that she survived
relatively unscathed. Later, though, a full grown man is completely devoured by the same
wee dinos in fairly short order.
- This, by the way, is a further indication that Spielberg
shouldnt make horror/monster movies any more. In Jaws, he was quite ready to
make the devouring of a small boy, roughly the same age as the girl here, a pivotal event
of the film. Jaws featured characters you didnt want to see eaten getting
eaten. Here, only Bad Guys and nobodies get et.
- Spielberg didnt learn from the first Jurassic Park
not to put annoying brat kids into it.
- Spielberg didnt want to kill jolly ol John
Hammond (Richard Attenborough), but did want to kill off an Evil Capitalist. Solution? He
made Hammond sick and gave him an Evil Capitalist nephew.
- Evil Capitalists wear suits that cost more than the college
education of a scientist with an advanced degree in physics. (Say, rather conservatively,
- This flicks island, Site B (different from the island
in the first movie), is supposedly Top Secret. Yet the yacht bringing the Rich Girls
family had no problems landing there for a picnic. Not even a "Private Property"
sign to be seen. So much for security.
- As explained in the first movie, the dinosaurs were designed
with a genetic failsafe in case they got loose. They were bred with a lysine deficiency
that would cause their deaths without weekly supplements. How can the dinosaurs then still
be alive without human intervention? "Life will find a way," were told.
Thanks. That explains it.
- "The carnivores are isolated in the Interior,"
Hammond explains. Oh. Then the dinos that chewed up the little girl near the beach must
have been vegetarians.
- Its noted that Kelly, Ian Malcolms (Jeff
Goldblum) daughter, was on the gymnastics team, all but kicking us in the head and saying
bet shell be using those skills later!"
- This super secret island is "two hours" by plane
from San Diego.
- Everyone is shocked to learn that the Site B island and the
others in its cluster are called Las Cinco Muertes, or The Five Deaths. This despite that
fact that the big map in their mobile headquarters labels the islands
- Later we learn why the dinosaurs survived without being
given lysine. The herbivores ate plants containing lysine. The carnivores ate the
herbivores. Man, that was some brilliant failsafe. (I think I liked "Life will find a
way" cop-out better.)
- A "cutting-edge," trained field zoologist, Sarah
Harding (Malcolms girlfriend) dives right into the nest (or whatever) of a
Stegosaurus family and manhandles the baby dino. Now, Ive seen enough nature
specials on TV to know that there are some animals who abandon or even kill pups who smell
of human contact. This makes Sarah look somewhat less than brilliant, as will pretty near
every action she takes in the movie.
- Baby stegosaurs act just like dogs when you pet their heads.
- Cameras, when you finish a roll of film, make lots and lots
of noise, enough to panic adult stegosaurs.
- When attacked by the stegosaurs, Sarah, who has had
extensive field experience in Africa, runs into the middle of the stampeding dinos, rather
than away from them.
- Sarah lectures everyone on how they mustnt disturb the
islands ecology in even the most minute fashion, not even "bend a blade of
grass." This is after she walked up to a baby dinosaur and rubbed her hands all over
it and caused a dino stampede that presumably bent many a blade of grass.
- The film implies that Malcolms coming to
save Sarah is an antiquated, sexist act. She is, after all, an experienced,
super-competent professional in her own right. This is what were told, anyway.
Everything we see indicates that Malcolm is fully justified in coming to save her, because
Sarah is shown to be a complete moron, over and over again. Most of the people who ignore
Malcolms advice are portrayed as idiots and thus die horrible deaths. When Sarah
acts like an idiot, though, its because shes a strong woman, and
hence pays no price for her stupidity (although others do).
- The good guys come by boat. The bad guys come by helicopter.
Why didnt the good guys come by copter? So that they could be stranded when the boat
owner refuses to stay near the island.
- The good guys all stare in horrified shock when the bad guys
capture some dinosaurs. I guess its mean.
- Roland, played as a very savvy and experienced safari guide
and (apparently) mercenary, has as his second in command Dieter, whos both a sadist
and a complete fool. I could buy one or (just maybe) the other, but not both. Someone as
smart as Roland would never have this guy in a position of authority.
- If youre a scientist like Sarah, or an
environmentalist like Nick the Photographer, a.k.a. Earth First Guy (Vince Vaughn),
youre automatically morally superior to the grubby capitalists. Therefore, its
OK to sabotage their camp, even if it gets a lot of people killed. And no one will in any
way imply that youre a terrorist. This is an example of Douglas Designated
Hero rule, which partly stipulates that those that a movie chooses as its heroes
shall never be held responsible for any deaths caused by their actions.
- Sarah was originally doing work at the San Diego zoo, but is
apparently horrified by the idea that the dinosaurs would be captured and
taken to a
zoo in San Diego.
- I admit that they didnt know that anyone else was on
the island, but I still think professional mercenaries would have put some kind of guard
on the cages holding the dinosaurs.
- A car that explodes in camp will fly into the air and land
directly on a tree holding Peter the Evil Capitalist and Roland the Great White Hunter.
(Yes, they escape.) This and more indicates that Roland was luring enraged T-Rexes real
close to his base camp. (Theyd be enraged because hes using their pup as
bait.) Yet Roland earlier chewed out Peter the Evil Capitalist about his proposed location
for the camp, because it was in predator territory.
- You can carry a scared and wounded baby T-Rex in your arms
and it wont try to bite you or disembowel you with its clawed feet.
- Sarah agrees to take the baby T-Rex with them, her biggest
worry being that Malcolm wont like it. (This kind of falls into that "Sarah is
a moron" thing.) Teddy, a member of their team who had nothing to do with bringing it
into camp, is later horribly killed because of this. Again, no one casts any blame at
Sarah or Earth First Guy, nor do they themselves ever indicate any guilt over getting this
- You can put your torso inches in front of a scared and
wounded baby T-Rexs clawed feet, and screw with its broken leg, and it still
wont disembowel you.
- If youre on an expedition whose lifeline is a radio,
only one guy will know how to use it. Also, if youre in a part of the world where no
one (oddly) speaks English (i.e., two hours out of San Diego), then you will be assigned
only one guy who speaks the local language. These fellows will never be around when you
- If three adult scientists/naturalists and a kid are in a
truck with a baby T-Rex making a lot of noise (despite its mouth being bound shut with a
belt), only the kid will worry that its cries will attract the attention of other
- A well-equipped expedition will bring along gauze bandages,
but no tape or clamps to affix them. However, chewing gum will work just as well, holding
a splint together long enough for a broken leg to heal.
- Sarah and Earth First Guy, who are aware that there is cause
for pissed off adult T-Rexes to come calling, ignore the emergency phone no matter how
many times it rings.
- The best way to release a baby T-Rex to its furious parents
is to walk outside of your armored truck with it. Personally, Ive have opened the
door and let it hobble outside by itself; but I guess Ive not an experienced, field
- An experienced field team will park their fortress-like
vehicles, designed to protect them from attack by multi-ton predators, next to the edge of
- Any movie character can hang by their hands for incredible
lengths of time.
- Armored trucks come equipped with glass windows, rather than
bullet and impact proof Plexiglas.
- When a window is beginning to shatter beneath your weight
(because its made of glass), a really brilliant person will raise themselves on
their hands, thus centering much of their body weight on two small points. This is much
better, I guess, than wiggling slowly to the side.
- T-Rexes looking to kill the occupants of a truck are smart
enough to push it half-way over a cliff, but not smart enough to push it completely over a
- Any movie character can hang by one hand, while supporting
the weight of a whole other person with the other. Nor will the shock of the other person
suddenly coming to a stop when their fall is interrupted pull them loose.
- Excuse me. My mistake. T-Rexes are so smart that
theyll push a truck half-way over a cliff and then hide while waiting for other
people to come rescue the first group.
- An expeditions main truck wont contain rope, but
their cars will. Also, a guy unsure about the presence of T-Rexes will run about outside
while leaving his weapon in his car.
- If youre climbing a rope which is secured to a tree,
and it comes loose, youll fall a bit, but can continue to climb the rope.
- A SUV on mud can, for a surprising amount of time, hold up
the weight of a massive, segmented double truck as it slips over a cliff. Plus, if you put
it in gear, although its hydroplaning around on mud, itll actually begin to
pull the much, much larger truck back up over the cliff edge.
- T-Rexes are not only smart, but theyre polite.
Therefore, theyll wait until the Designated Victim (here, the technology guy) saves
the morally superior Malcolm (the Man should be humble in the face of Nature
guy), Earth First Guy, and Strong Woman Scientist. The last two, of course, are
responsible for this predicament, including ultimately getting Technology Guy horribly
slain, but the film will in no way acknowledge this.
- Technology Guy, surrounded by T-Rexes, will waste almost
half a minute before reaching for his super-duper deadly airgun, which is sitting by his
right knee. Again, this falls under Spielbergs current "Guns are icky and
wont be used constructively" rule.
- Joining up with the Evil Expedition, Earth First Guy
righteously accuses them of coming to strip-mine the place. Can somebody
explain what he could possibly be talking about? Of course, having a radical
environmentalist blow every perceived Offense against Nature (not that man-created dinos
are all that natural) insanely out of proportion isnt really that odd,
now that I think of it. Still, Earth First Guy isnt supposed to be a loon, hes
meant to speak for the filmmakers. So again, what can he possible mean?
- Malcolm then righteously makes fun of Peter, The Evil
Capitalist, for thinking that bringing mercenaries would keep him safe and enable him to
complete his capture of the dinosaurs. Uh, actually, Peters plan was working
fine, thank you, until it was sabotaged by intentional human intervention. So much for the
- Inherent in Douglas Designated Hero/Villain
rule is that positions wont be judged on their objective merit, but rather on who is
advancing them. Peters position that they have a right to exploit the
dinos (i.e., put them on display) because his company created them is hardly insane.
However, the film dismisses the argument because its being advanced by the Evil
Capitalist. More to the point, it has the argument advanced by the Evil Capitalist so
that it can be dismissed. Yet, because Earth First Guy is a hero, his causing the
deaths of literally dozens of people is ignored. In other words, the film openly judges
the caging of (artificially created) animals to be more of a crime than killing other
- On a side point, the first film was premised on the idea
that Man & Science will never be able to control Nature. This film seems to say
instead that Nature can be controlled, but just shouldnt be.
- The film uses the One Radio Rule (see the
Glossary). Neither expedition has a spare radio to call for pick-up once their main one is
destroyed. (More unbelievably, neither has arranged for an automatic pick-up should
communications fail.) Therefore, the combined party must trek inland to locate a building
containing an emergency radio.
- The combined expedition decides that they must leave their
present location. See, moving the T-Rex pup around has made the parents more territorial.
So if they stay here (where the good guys original base was), the T-Rexes will
inevitably attack them again. Therefore, they choose to trek through Velociraptor
territory to reach the radio. See my problem, here? Theyre in a clearing, one that
they can defend. Its bordered by a cliff, limiting the area from which an attack can
come. They can create a defensive perimeter, and easily kill the two adult T-Rexes should
they attack. (Were talking at least twenty very well-armed men here.) Then they just
wait until rescue comes, as it inevitably must. Instead, to escape this threat (two large,
comparatively easy to kill animals attacking a defended position), they decide to travel
by foot through territory containing dozens or hundreds of vicious, fast and difficult to
shoot pack predators. This doesnt make must sense to me. As an analogy, if you had a
spear-gun, would you rather try to defend yourself from a shark or a school of piranhas?
- I know its important to the script, but I find it hard
to believe that the released dinosaurs destroyed every single one of the numerous vehicles
brought by the Evil Expedition. Werent the larger ones armored against dino attack?
- Dieter, Rolands idiot second-in-command, has to ask
what a Velociraptor is. Didnt Roland brief his men on possible dangers to be found
- Again, under the Designated Hero rule, when Sarah
disagrees with the Expeditions dino expert, shes always right. By the way, she
seems pretty smugly sure of her theories, given that theyre based on fossil records
- Roland, the Great White Hunter, carries his elephant gun
with the barrels pointing skyward. Youd never do this. First, crap could fall out of
trees and clog up the barrels, perhaps even causing the gun to explode when fired. Second,
its pouring rain at this point, and you dont want your barrels full of water
if you can avoid it.
- Sarah (here goes that idiot thing again), after warning
people time and again that T-Rexes can follow scents for miles, continues to wear a jacket
that is soaked in the blood of the baby T-Rex. This despite the fact that the blood
"isnt drying in this humidity." (By the way, wouldnt walking all
night in drenching rains have washed the blood out of the jacket? Guess not.)
- Roland leaves his gun unattended, despite the fact that
Earth First Guy, you now, the one who sabotaged his encampment, has already attempted to
mess with it.
- Dieter, due for a gory death scene, leaves the camp to use
the facilities. From all appearances, rather than going behind a nearby tree, he travels
about half a mile away. (The guy he tells doesnt hear him because hes wearing
a walk-man. Good mercenary.) Oh, Dieter goes so far afield that he gets lost and
cant find the camp. This, again, is Rolands second-in-command.
- Roland begins the group moving again without doing a head
count, something that Boy scouts are taught to do. Therefore, no one notices that the
groups second in command is missing.
- Roland, when they finally notice Dieters absence, goes
to look for him. He takes two guys with him. Presumably, they are now in Raptor
territory. Meanwhile, the ultra-competent Roland continues to carry his elephant gun.
a savvy hunter continues to pack a weapon designed for large, solitary animals
(super powerful, limited ammo supply, slow to load, etc.,) when the current threat is
packs of fast moving small predators. Roland, dude, trust me: Trade in for a
semi-automatic shotgun or assault rifle.
- Once Roland leaves, everyone refuses to obey the orders of
Peter, The Evil Capitalist. For good reason, actually, because hes an idiot. (Of
course, sos Sarah, only no one notices.) So who do they obey? Earth First Guy!! The
man who caused the destruction of their camp!! Hel-loo!! So
Roland not only
didnt have a third in command, but didnt bother to appoint a leader before
leaving the group. Uh
- The group, with about two dozens guys at their disposal, who
are presumably all professional mercenaries (what else would they be?), and who are in a
locale containing man-eating predators, all go to sleep that night without establishing
- Roland returns to camp. Explaining that theyre only a
mile and a half from their destination, he decides to let everyone continue sleeping
instead of pressing on.
- A T-Rex can smell and track a bloody jacket for miles and
miles, but not notice two people shivering under a blanket literally right under its
snout. For, like, a minute straight. Despite the fact that youd think youd
crap your pants when a T-Rex sticks its head into your tent.
- A guy will watch a T-Rex stick its head into the tent of his
girlfriend and his daughter, but not rouse any of the armed men in his camp, or grab a gun
- Many people die because Earth First Guy removed the slugs
from the shells of Rolands gun. No one ever blames him for this. Also, this is
perhaps the silliest way and most awkward way to disable a gun. First, you must remove the
bullets from the gun. Then you have to pry the slugs out. Then you need to put the shells
back in. Luckily for EFG, though, his plan works. This is for the following reasons.
First, Roland never checks his weapon (after leaving it alone with a known saboteur in
camp). Second, because Roland doesnt carry any spare shells for the gun!
Instead, he switches over to a tranquilizer gun.
- People can outrun T-Rexes, who in the first movie almost
outran a moving car.
- Scared by a snake, a professional field scientist will rush
into the jaws of the T-Rex he was just trying to avoid.
- OK, youre trained mercenaries. Youre entering a
field of tall grass in territory occupied by vicious pack predators. So you march through single
file. Uh, I dont think so. You march in a box formation, using your weapons to
establish an encompassing field of fire. Had they done this, many more of them would have
made it out of the grass after the inevitable Raptor attack. In the most ridiculous
example of Spielbergs no good gun use dictum, not one mercenary will
even get a shot off during the attack. Meanwhile, the heroes, who arent even
carrying weapons (and thats Spielbergs point, I suppose), all make it out
unscathed. Im not sure that this is what would happen in the real world.
- Ian hurts his leg (its the 90s, so its not
Sarah or Kelly who does this), and Sarah orders him to rest while Earth First Guy goes to
find the radio. The spot where Ian, Sarah and Kelly pause appears to be less than a city
block away from where the Raptors ate everyone else.
- The maintenance buildings are utterly overrun with foliage
and mildew, but the circuits of all the lights, the radio, etc., function perfectly once a
transformer switch is thrown.
- When Ian, Sarah and Kelly finally arrive at the compound,
they dont bother to close, much less secure, the main gate. Despite, you know, the
Raptors and all.
- Due the to Heros Death Battle Exemption,
Sarah becomes the only character in either film to have a Raptor jump on them and
escape alive. In fact, she comes away completely uninjured.
- Ian manages to evade half a dozen Raptors for minutes
and minutes on end while hobbling around on a hurt leg.
- In a shed surrounded by Raptors, Sarah and Kelly never
grab the available heavy tools (theres a huge steel wretch that must weigh twenty
pounds just hanging there on the wall) to beat on the beasts as they awkwardly attempt to
dig their way in. Why? Because Good Guys dont use weapons in this universe.
- Kelly distracts some Raptors with, thats right,
gymnastics. Boy, I didnt see that coming.
- Of the two expeditions on the island, including a few dozen
well armed and trained mercenaries, only Ian, Sarah, Kelly, Earth First Guy, Roland and
Peter make it off alive. Peter makes it because, as the main Bad Guy, he cant get
killed until the end of the movie. Roland, having tranquilized a T-Rex, gives up hunting,
so he gets to live. Meanwhile, our four Designated Heroes (i.e., the ones with the most
meager survival skills and complete lack of weaponry), of course, all make it off.
- Just in case we didnt get it, Earth First
Guy makes a point of pulling the slugs from Rolands gun out of his pocket. With this
he leaves the film, and, typically, no one points out that the slugs are ironclad evidence
that hes guilty of Negligent Homicide, or, most generously, Depraved Indifference.
- Peter the Evil Capitalist, who I guess doesnt have a
PR staff of any sort, holds a dockside Press Conference before the T-Rex is secured in San
Diego. Meanwhile, there appear to be perhaps a few dozen reporters and almost no TV
cameras amongst the Press contingent. In other words, the Press Conference is both too
small and too large at the same time.
- Peter has Ian and Sarah brought into the shipyard where they
could, if they wished, harangue the Press with their opposition to his operation.
Conveniently, though, it permits them to be on hand when the ship bearing the T-Rex rams
into the pier.
- OK, this is the part of the film that no one understands.
Its messy beyond belief. What happens is that the ship bringing the T-Rex smashes
into the dock. None of the ships crew, which should be at least a dozen guys, is
found alive. Oddest is that theres a dismembered hand hanging from the wheel on the
bridge. This is odd because the doorways to the bridge are both undamaged and too
small for the T-Rexs head to fit through. Certainly some of the crew, in a worst
case scenario, would have barricaded themselves somewhere for safetys sake. After
all, how many areas of a ship could a fully grown T-Rex have accessed? Then theres
the extremely weird fact that the T-Rex is found by the investigators locked in the hold.
I guess that the T-Rex escaped and killed everybody but one, who was fatally
wounded. Then, the T-Rex re-entered the enclosed space in which it had been imprisoned.
Finally, the fatally wounded guy managed to close the hydraulic hold doors that sealed in
the dinosaur before expiring. Yeah, thats the ticket. (Ive heard some argue
that perhaps Raptors got on board. [See Ken and Andrews Rule of Plot
Holes.] However, nothing else in the film indicates this, and besides, even
laymen should be able to spot the difference in wounds caused by a two-meter creature and
a ten-meter creature, and nobody says anything like that.)
- Sarah and Ian plot to capture the T-Rex is such a fashion so
as to enable them to return it to the island. To achieve this, they plan to trap it when
it comes to get the T-Rex pup, which has been flown directly to the zoo facility where the
T-Rex was to be displayed. My problem is why no one else seems to be doing anything to
stop the T-Rex. Why dont the police shoot it down? (Youd think that this thing
would draw police attention pretty quickly. Especially given all the reporters on hand
when it escaped.) Also, since the T-Rex is likely headed for the zoo, why dont
Peters men kick Sarah and Ian off the grounds and just contain it there when it
arrives? This is where they meant to keep it, so they must have plenty of equipment on
- However, no one thinks to stop them at the mysteriously
almost deserted facility. (Shouldnt there have been hundreds of people called in
once the dinos imminent arrival was known?) Meanwhile, Our Heroes plan again
puts the interests of the T-Rex above the safety of humans. Should luring it back to the
ship really be their one and only priority?
- Malcolm, sitting in his car with the Sarah and the pup,
tells a guard that the only way to stop them from stealing the T-Rex baby is to shoot and
kill them. Apparently, blowing out the tires of his currently non-moving automobile so
that he cant leave just isnt done.
- I dont want to harp on this. Still, when Ian and Sarah
finally locate the adult T-Rex, theres absolutely no indication of any police
presence, not even sirens in the background. Considering that Ian & Sarah have had
enough time to drive to the zoo, kidnap Jr., and then drive around and find the T-Rex, I
think we have to assume that its rampage has been going on for some time. Why is this
thing still alive?
- Maybe thirty feet from the T-Rex, Malcolm notes that it will
never notice Jr., if it doesnt start making some noise (Jr.s tranquilized).
What about that omnipotent sense of smell weve heard about throughout the picture?
For heavens sake, the pup is right under its nose, practically.
- When five or six police cars show up and spot the T-Rex,
they all turn around and drive off. I really have to believe that if multiple officers (at
least 10, assuming two to a car) jump out and open fire with pistols and riot shotguns,
the T-Rex would go down right quick.
- Jr., whos refused to harm the good guys
throughout the film, makes its first kill by munching on Peter, the Evil Capitalist. Wow.
The very thing that he sought to exploit proved to be his destruction. How, uh, ironic.
And so original, to boot. To make the scene even more nauseating, its
actually played as cute, with Pop T-Rex looking on with parental pride as Jr.,
makes his first kill. Ah, they grow up so fast, dont they? And Im not kidding,
this bit is played like one of those cartoons where Momma Bird beams with joy when Sonny
leaves the nest for the first time.
- Meanwhile, as a side issue, it seems strange that the ship
from which the T-Rex escaped (and which Ian and Sarah have it back to) isnt swarming
with police, the press, and customs officials by now.
- Apparently the authorities, who finally appear after
everything is wrapped up, agree not to destroy the beasts or to keep them for scientific
examination. Instead, they (I guess) all agree that the Rexes should indeed be shipped
back to their island. We see news coverage of the trip back. The cargo ship with the dinos
is surrounded by what appears to be a convoy of Naval warships. "Theyre taking
no chances of a repeat of the San Diego incident," a CNN reporter notes. Uh, so if
the Rex breaks free, jumps ship and tries to swim back to the Mainland, I guess that our
assembled destroyers and battleships will bombard it with their sixteen inch guns and sink
it. Is that the plan?
- We also see an interview with John Hammond,
noting that he hopes that all nations will allow the dinosaurs to remain isolated on their
island. Yeah, right! Yes, Im sure that everyones pretty much going to
say, "Lets forget that the dinosaurs are even there, and just leave them
alone." Uh-huh. Sure.
The film ends, appropriately, with another headache
inducing moment. We fade out on a shot of a Pterodactyl. Oops, something that can leave
the island at will. Can you say
Jurassic Park III? Be afraid. Be very afraid.