Another feature of... |
|
Another feature of... |
|
|
for
__________________________________________________________
The current edition of Weekly Variety has a two-page spread detailing the new television programs scheduled to appear on the five broadcast networks this fall. By January at least half will be gone and completely forgotten, by the end of the season another 30% will be but vague memories. Ten or fifteen percent will make it to the following season. One or two shows might be legitimate hits. Here's some quick thoughts [Times listed are presumably EST]: Genre Shows
(Especially likely to die off quickly): TRU
CALLING JAKE
2.0 STEPHEN
KING'S KINGDOM HOSPITAL TARZAN
AND JANE “The FBI –
In Color!”: LINE
OF FIRE THE
HANDLER FEARLESS Huh?!: WONDERFALLS SKIN Something
Familiar: NAVY
CIS IT’S
ALL RELATIVE KAREN SISCO GILMORE
GIRLS SPINOFF I’M
WITH HER Family Feuds: HOPE
& FAITH THE BROTHERHOOD OF
POLAND, N.H. ARRESTED
DEVELOPMENT BACK
TO KANSAS HAPPY
FAMILY ONE
TREE HILL ALL
ABOUT THE ANDERSONS THE
STONES TWO AND A HALF MEN THE
MULLETS ROCK
ME BABY Self-Limiting
Concepts: JOAN
OF ARCADIA STILL
LIFE RUN OF THE HOUSE Please, Shoot
Me Now: THE
O.C. WHOOPI CRACKING
UP A
MINUTE WITH STAN HOOPER THE
TRACY MORGAN SHOW
2003 Cannes Film Fest
Product Roundup
It’s
that time again. Weekly
Variety has released its guide to the cinematic wares being hawked at
this year’s Cannes Film Festival. Most
of this stuff is crap, and many of the titles listed were already
mentioned in my 2003 American Film Market report.
I’ve tried not to reexamine films I looked at there. The
fun for the dedicated Jabootuite begins on Page 19, which features a
full-page ad for Roger Corman’s New Concorde.
Posters are featured for the previously mentioned Firefight
(“Crime pays…If you don’t get burned”), composed of a big photo of
OOT Baldwin—none of co-star Nick Mancuso, however—a helicopter, a sexy
blond ranger with impressive cleavage and a machine-gun firing goon on a
motorcycle, all set against a bunch of flames.
Also
promoted is Fire Over Afghanistan (“His struggle to escape will
become their war”), co-starring Fred Dryer.
This features a guy with an AK-47, an exploding helicopter and a
tattered American flag. Finally
there’s artwork for The Killer Within Me, one of those
spooky-close-up-faces-against-a-black-background deal.
The word ‘killer’ in the title is made to look liked it’s
etched into his forehead. “Born Evil...And loving it.”
Gasp! Kaos
finally created that evil Maxwell Smart clone!! Really
grabbing attention, though, is the small blurb for the post-production Dinocroc,
a giant prehistoric crocodile movie.
(Truly giant, as opposed to the merely huge thirty-footers seen in
so many recent DTV flicks.) Needless
to say, I’m itching to see this one although it almost has to suck. Between
pages 24 and 25 is a real keeper, a promotional insert for NuImage/Millennium
films. This is chock full of
hilariously generic monster movie posters, including four which sport
almost the exact same poster. There’s
SnakeMan (“A new breed of predator”), SharkMan (“A new
breed of predator”…wait a minute!), MosquitoMan (“A new
breed…”, what the heck?) and finally MorphMan (“A new breed
of predator”). Wait,
I think I got it. Perhaps the
four posters are all for one film, MorphMan. This would involve a character who at various points turns
into a SnakeMan, SharkMan and MosquitoMan.
That’s my guess, anyway. As
the posters lack production credit info, it’s sort of hard to tell.
Still, I’m there, dude. The
next poster features Dolph Lundgren—didn’t he supposedly retire?—in Direct
Action (“Can one man make a difference?” – I guess so, if he has
a really big gun!). Then
there’s Nine Lives, which features Wesley Snipe’s face and name
against a background of fire. Also,
there’s what I’m assuming is his hand, holding a big, scoped revolver.
Those Blade movies aren’t really helping Snipes’ career much,
are they? Next
is a generic poster featuring a generic-looking, vaguely reptilian monster
with the generic title Creature.
Then a page touting their package of previously produced disaster
flicks, Volcano (no, not that one), Tornado, Avalanche
(ditto), Earthquake (ditto ditto) and Fire*. [Proofreader
extraordinaire Carl Fink suggests that these flicks will be followed up by
one entitled “Sinkhole.” Perhaps
he’s unaware of 2000’s On Hostile Ground, in which New Orleans
falls prey to…a giant sinkhole. It
starred disaster film vet John “The Sky’s On Fire & Volcano”
Corbett.] Sumuru
(“The Fate of a Queen – The Destiny of a Planet”) looks like one of
those matriarchal planet deals, starring Michael Shanks of Stargate
SG-1. Finally there’s an ad for Diamond Cut Diamond (“Bad
to the bone – Loyal to the Throne”), presumably a Bond knock-off.
Page
35 has a strip of poster art for various animal-themed kids’ movies.
There’s the eight billionth Air Bud movie, Air Bud Aussie
Rules, where he pairs with a ‘roo. (Presumably the one from Kangeroo Jack—that’d be
awesome!). Spymate is
a spy movie with a chimp decked out like one of the Men in Black.
Lancelot Link, call your attorney.
ChestNut features two young girls in a park with a big dog.
BMXP is the four billionth Most Valuable Primate movie, only
here the chimp is instead Most Xtreme and on a dirtbike.
When’s he going to hook up with Air Bud, anyway?
The Furry Bandits features a bunch of felonious raccoons.
Page
55 kicks off the heart of the issue, the Vendors & Products listings.
Alain
Siritzky Prods. Emmanuelle:
Lust in Space.
Get it?! “Lust”
in space?! Hahahahahahaha. Ring
of Desire:
“It looks like an ordinary ring, but it can yield complete
control over others while corrupting the soul of the wearer.”
(“…yield complete control over others…”
Huh?) Gee, where’d
they get the idea for this one? Allied Las
Vegas Warrior:
“When a fighter is killed in a kickboxing match, a journalist
pursues the story.” Call me
crazy, but I think I once saw a movie with the exact same storyline!
Also, wouldn’t it be more original if the journalist was
killed in the kickboxing match and the fighter pursued the story? Throttle:
“A released convict is determined to live it up with money he
stole from a drug cartel until he murders his partner in crime.” What now? Horrorvision:
“A Web-master [does that position really get capitalized?]
mistakenly logs onto a Web [ditto] site that kills all who come across
it.” And so Ringu
begat The Ring, which begat Feardot.com, which begat… American
Cinema Intl. Target:
“When you become the target in a [sic] Army sniper’s
game.” Uh, that’s not
really a complete sentence. Speaking
of ‘complete sentences,’ that’s what they should give people still
ripping off “The Most Dangerous Game!”
Rimshot! Stars
OOT Baldwin. Hatchetman:
“A law student who works as a stripper [you know the kind] finds
her girlfriends and co-workers turning up dead.”
OK, Target’s starting to sound fresher. American World
Knight
Club:
“The doorman in Los Angeles [huh?] succumbs to the power of his
job, earning the wrath of his mentor.”
Believe it or not, it’s a ‘thriller,’ not a comedy.
Starring Lou Diamond Phillips.
Amsell Halloween
House Party:
“A Halloween party in a run-down house unknowingly releases the
curse of the Soul Snatcher.” Man, these companies aren’t even trying any more,
are they? Blood
Gnome:
“Strange little killers are invisible to everyone except a
crime-scene photographer.” Artist View Unshackled:
“Two prison inmates work together to survive in a cruel and
dangerous prison.” I really
don’t think they needed to use the word ‘prison’ twice.
Stars Stacy Keach (Ouch!) and Morgan Fairchild. The
Unliving:
“A rabid werewolf preys on visitors searching a country estate
for a legendary buried treasure.” A
‘rabid’ werewolf?! That’s
the worst kind!! Still,
dig the cast: Paul Naschy and
Michelle Bauer. If history
serves as a guide, we’ll see both of them topless. Asylum
Chaos:
“In a post-apocalyptic future, a gladiator must battle to the
death the woman he loves and the man to whom he owes his life.” Extra points for the ‘whom,’ anyway. Atlas
Intl. Beyond
the Limits:
“A devilish artifact’s unholy power stretches from medieval
England to modern Las Angeles.” Good
gosh, the machine that randomly assigns generic titles to generic genre
movies has misapplied an action/thriller title to a horror movie! Atmosphere Perseverance:
“A fisherman’s discover [sic] of a magic healing moss forces
his family to make difficult decisions.”
Uh, OK. Stars Peter
Fonda. Avrio
Mirror Mirror 4:
Reflections:
“A costume party turns into a night of terror as a creature of
the night stalks the party goers.”
Imagine the confusion if this took place in the same place as the Halloween
House Party! Bauer Martinez After
Death:
“After his wife is brutally murdered, an ex-cop wages war against
the Chinese Triads.” ‘Brutally’
murdered?! That’s the
worst kind!! It’s the
most original Jean Claude Van Damme plot ever!!
And look, it’s directed by Ringo Lam!
Who’da thought? Also,
it seems the machine that randomly assigns generic titles to generic genre
movies has misapplied a horror title to an action/thriller movie! Citizen
Verdict:
“Escalating crime leads Florida to allow a live
trial-and-punishment television series.”
Wait, I thought that’s what Oliver Beane was!
(In case I’m not getting this across, I don’t think Oliver
Beane is a very good TV show.) The
cast includes the obligatory Jerry Springer and the presumably border-line
suicidal Armand Assante and Roy Scheider. Digital
Jesus:
“A serial killer hijacks the Internet.”
Yes, that explains the title all right.
Starring Armand Assante, fresh from his triumphal turn in Citizen
Verdict. Centre Hysteria:
“A psychiatrist is obsessed with telepathically linking the minds
of his patients.” Stars
Amanda Plummer and Patrick McGoohan.
Hmm, I never thought I’d see McGoohan in a movie about people
with telepathic powers! CineTel Lost
Treasure:
“After finding an ancient treasure map, an arms dealer kidnaps a
detective and sets out in search of gold.”
Stars OOT Baldwin and Nicolette “Clan of the Cave Bear”
Sheridan, who I think helps you quit smoking.
Witty title, though. Momentum:
“A man with telekinetic abilities meets a group of people with
like powers whom an FBI agent is trying to destroy.” Stars Oscar winner Lou “Firewalker” Gossett Jr.,
and Teri Hatcher. Hmm,
suddenly Dean Cain’s appearance in Boa isn’t looking that bad. Shock
Wave:
“A ground-splitting earthquake [that’s the worst kind!!]
crumbles a dam and sends millions of gallons of water barreling into a
major U.S. city.” Man, when
are major U.S. cities built on fault lines going to stop erecting dams
right above themselves? Cobalt [The
rigorously fair Carl Fink notes that Ms. McGowan achieved some measure of
public fame prior to her association with Mr. Manson when she appeared in Doom
Generation.] David
Keith Co. Séance:
“A group holds a séance that awakens an evil force that follows
them back to the real world.” Stars
Corey Feldman (!) and Adam West (!!).
Apparently the ‘evil force’ is the casting director. EBS A
Conspiracy:
“A young attorney is the only witness to a murder that places him
in the middle of a conspiracy.” Well,
that explains the title, then. The
Remnant:
“Grisly murders plunge a small town into a nightmare of
supernatural revenge.” I
hate when that happens. Stars
Joe Estevez. You knew he was
going to pop up at some point. By
the way, wasn’t ‘The Remnant’ the title of the proposed sequel to The
Creeping Terror? Rimshot! I got a million of ‘em. ECG Bells of Innocence:
“Three men crash in a remote Mexican village and become embroiled
in a classic fight between good and evil.”
Finally, the film that reunites Mike and Chuck Norris.
On the Edge:
“College kids on a ski trip are shocked by a mountain-climbing
accident.” Oh, I don’t
know. That’s when they’re
most likely to happen. The Invitation:
“A writer invites six guests to his home and gives each of them
one night to confess the lies on which their lives are built.”
Stars Lance Henriksen, on a mini-roll with Sasquatch and Final
Voyage. Egmond Speck:
“The true story of Richard Speck, who in 1966 terrorized a
boarding school for nurses.” Not
to be judgmental, but anyone who’d rent this is a sick bastard. Ghoul
School:
“An innocent lab experiment turns into a mass slaughter.”
Wow, there’s a plot twist. Film Artists Demon Under Glass:
“The government captures a serial killer who turns out to be a
vampire.” Actually, you
could make a nifty movie on that premise.
This probably won’t be it. Film Bridge Vanishing Acts:
“A sexy and deadly femme fatale seduces a young doctor into an
insurance scam that could cost them their lives.”
Of all femme fatales, beware most the ones who are sexy and deadly. Fries Road:
“While driving cross-country, a young professional woman
accidentally kills an innocent girl who is related to a psychopathic
killer who vows revenge.” That’s
a lot of who’s. It’s Pumpkinhead
meets Joy Ride! By the
way, what qualifies one as being a ‘professional’ woman? Delta
Delta Die:
“Mother Fitch and her sorority girls have an insatiable taste for
men’s flesh.” That can be
a good situation or a bad one. Julie
Strain and Brinke Stevens headline. (And probably headlights, if you know what I mean.) Grosvenor Park The
Purifiers:
“A modern-day gang movie set against a martial arts background in
a Britain of the near future.” Uh…shouldn’t
there be a vampire serial killer in there? Ground-Zero
[Wow, there’s a tasteless name for a production company] Black
Ball:
“A racist real estate developer is exposed.”
Not much of a plot run-down, but if it stars Scott Valentine and
Todd Bridges, it has to be good! Horizon Hallow’s End:
“Trapped inside the haunted house, students are murdered one by
one.” Hmm, I don’t know,
that plot sounds vaguely familiar… Icon Paparazzi:
“When an action star and his family fall prey to the paparazzi,
he’s ready to fight back.” Oddly,
this apparently isn’t a comedy. Starring
Cole “Son of Wings” Hauser and Dennis Farina (!). Boy, I’m betting Farina was really hoping for that Meets
the Parents knock-off sitcom to make it. The Singing
Detective:
In what might be the worst idea in film history, they try to remake
and compress the greatest mini-series in television history.
By the way, the mini-series itself just came out on DVD.
Stick with that. Interactive House
of the Dead:
“Ravers are stalked by killer zombies.”
Killer zombies?! Etc.
etc. Alone
in the Dark:
“A detective of the paranormal comes face-to-face with
inescapable horrors.” Isn’t
that pretty much the job description of a detective of the paranormal? NuImage/Millenium Direct
Action:
“A veteran cop is targeted by his colleagues after he exposes
police corruption.” This is
the Dolph Lundgren flick mentioned above. Morphman:
“The serum a doctor and his wife invent [could she possibly be a
doctor too?] to cure mad cow disease has a maggot-like bug growing in
it.” Well, that explains
it. Snakeman:
“Brothers use the venom of dangerous snakes [since those,
generally, are the ones that have venom] to develop a miracle drug.” Guess all the movies I mentioned above are different ones
after all. Promark Ghost
Monkey:
“A reporter and a scientific investigator track down a
simian-like serial killer.” Didn’t
Forest Whitaker already make this? Splendid The
Devil and Daniel Webster: This is the one starring
and directed by OOT Baldwin, Anthony Hopkins and Jennifer Love Hewitt.
I’d heard this had fallen through, but I guess it’s true:
Evil never dies. York Scarecrow
Slayer:
“A college freshman is killed during a fraternity prank and is
resurrected as a demonic scarecrow.”
Well, Tony Todd’s in the cast, and he’s always worth a look. El
Chupacubra:
“A local dog catcher and an attractive scientist [why, that’s
the best kind!] team up to stop the legendary El Chupacubra monster from
terrorizing L.A.” __________
Plot: A DVD collecting
the first episodes of five classic TV cop series (actually, one features
private eyes). You really have to admire the concept.
Rather than full season sets of shows, how about a single DVD that
functions as a sampler pack of some of the more famous ‘70s cop shows.
The execution, however, is debatable.
The disc features the first episode of each series.
Normally, this would mean episodes very heavy on exposition and
character introduction. However, the ‘70s was the era of the made-for-TV
movie. Such films ran
regularly on all three networks and often functioned as pilots for
prospective series. Of the
fiver programs represented here, four had such pilot movies.
(Police Woman’s was as an episode of NBC’s cop anthology
series Police Story.) Of
the show’s seen here, only S.W.A.T. has the sort of first episode where
the characters had to be introduced en masse in forty-five minutes.
Even that show, however, had an earlier introduction.
Details later. One problem with using first episodes in a package
like this is that such shows often don’t entirely mesh with the programs
they eventually become. They
usually exhibit rough edges that, in retrospect, loom large.
Some things are small. Familiar
credit sequences might not appear, as the ones eventually seen are often
composed of clips from episodes that haven’t been filmed yet.
Other differences are more important.
Characters might not be quite nailed down yet, either by the
writers or the actors. Fans
of almost any long-running show, from Star Trek: The Next Generation
to L.A. Law to Friends to The Simpsons, who look back
at early episodes will know what I mean. Sometimes characters who are initially featured fail to work
and are dropped. In extreme
cases, the character may remain the same but be played in the subsequent
series by a different actor. Here, though, most of the episodes are pretty
representative of the series that followed.
That again may be because each had a previous introduction before
beginning their regular runs. Note: In
the following descriptions, the Factors go from 1 to 5, with 5 being the
highest. Charlie’s
Angels: “Hellride” Theme
Music/Credit Sequence:
It’s the music and set-up we’re all familiar with.
Personally, I find Charlie’s narration about the “three little
girls” a bit twee. But
then, I was never a fan of the show anyway.
Still, at least the original Angels got to use guns.
Concept:
“Once upon a time, there were three little girls who went to
the police academy. And they
were each assigned…very hazardous duties.
[This is a gag, as we see them writing tickets, doing office work
and acting as a crossing guard.) But
I took them away from all that, and now they work for me.
My name is Charlie.” Regulars:
Featured here, naturally, is the original line-up of angels, back
before you couldn’t tell them apart.
Kate Jackson (a veteran of the earlier, rather more substantial The
Rookies—see below) is Sabrina, the Smart One.
And yes, she famously did have the smallest breasts of the three
leads. Jaclyn Smith is Kelly,
The Athletic One. Farrah
Fawcett-Majors, of course, is Jill, the Bubbly and Extremely Feathered
Blonde. And let’s not forget as David Doyle as Bosley and the oft
heard but never seen John Forsythe as the voice of Charlie. The
Episode:
Jumping right into the ‘70s gestalt, the first show opens on a
stock car derby in progress. This
proves, unsurprisingly, to feature women drivers.
We meet racer Susie. She
banters with Jerry, her mechanic, while chewing gum.
This means she has moxie and is a Good Character.
We also meet Kale, an oily wolf, and his partner ‘Bloody’ Mary,
another driver who’s insanely jealous due to Kale’s wandering eye.
They are obviously the bad guys.
The two women are in the next race.
Cutting to some stock footage, Mary intentionally bumps Susie’s
car. Susie’s car crashes
and she’s incinerated in the subsequent fire.
Cut to our first look at the offices of Charles
Townsend Private Investigations. Per
usual, the Angels are draped over various pieces of furniture as Charlie
fills them in via an intercom speaker.
Jerry has hired them to learn the cause of the wreck, which I found
a bit strange. I mean, Mary
rammed into Susie’s car in front of dozens and dozens of witnesses, so
the ‘cause’ seems rather obvious.
Sabrina just happens to have had racing experience at
some time in the past, so she naturally goes undercover as a driver.
Part of her disguise is a rather thick and horribly phony Texas
accent. Meanwhile, we learn
that Kale and Mary are working for Mr. Wells, the Eeee-vil owner of
the increasingly destitute racing track. Wells is nervous about having a new driver around, and orders
another flunky, Eddie, to watch her. In a bit of trademark Social Satire, Sabrina’s
backup soon arrives. It’s
Bosley, here in the ‘comic’ role of phony-baloney Bible thumper
Brother John. Jill, dressed
in a skimpy top and Daisy Duke shorts, pretends to be his daughter.
No sooner does she make the scene than she bends over for a
cleavage shot. Meanwhile,
Kelly interviews Suzie’s parents. She
learns that Suzie had once been involved in vaguely implied Bad Stuff, but
had broken away from it. Eventually (surprise), the Angels’ discover a big
illicit plot and find themselves *gasp* in danger of their lives. Clichés
& Sundry Observations (Note: Clichés
might be generic in nature, or specific to the show): · Over the telecom, Charlie is heard groaning. The Angels slyly inquire as to the cause of his distress. He complains of a sore back. Then we cut to him (face away from the camera, natch) and see a beautiful woman in a bikini giving him one of those back-walking massages. Ha. Ha. ·
One of the
Angels has an unusual skill that allows her to go undercover at the scene
of the crime. Wow, just like
every other show! To be fair,
though, the deceased Suzie wasn’t either a relative or former chum of
any of our leads. ·
Jerry, a
mechanic for a female stock car racer, is able to hire Charlie’s
presumably expensive team of operatives.
Kelly even flies across the county to interview Suzie’s parents.
Yet we never learn where he got the money for all this.
·
Jerry and
Sabrina find evidence that Suzie’s car had been tampered with, but
don’t bother going to the police with it.
Then they find a witness who saw Kale doing the tampering, but
still don’t go to the police. ·
Jill,
playing all dumb and innocent, joins a poker game that Kale’s in.
She ends up sharking the other players and winning all the money.
Ha. Ha.
·
Jill
sneaks into Wells’ room looking for evidence.
He returns while she’s there.
She hides in the closet, which he reaches into to put his jacket
away. Somehow, of course, he
fails to see her. She gets
away safely, but leaves a number of bone-headed clues to her presence
behind so that she’ll be imperiled at the correct plot juncture. ·
Car
Chase!! ·
Kale is
shot to death by his associates, who try to murder Jill at the same time.
Following this, the Angels still don’t go to the police.
Nor do the cops seem to notice the murder on their own.
Or wait…maybe they do, but we just never see the police. That’s
what later dialog seems to indicate.
Whatever. ·
Despite
Sabrina having been assured that she wouldn’t actually have to drive in
a race, she…wait for it…ends up having to drive in a race! ·
Car
Chase!! ·
An Aaron
Spelling Production? Yes. ·
Final Body
Count: Two. ·
Bad
Clothing Factor: 1 ·
Social
Relevancy & Grittiness Factor: 0 ·
Big screen
film adaptation due in 2003? Yes. Brilliant
Dialog: Oily
Wolf Kale, looking over Jill in her guise as Brother John’s
‘daughter’: “And
what denomination are you, Little Lady.” Afterthoughts:
Just a regular episode. S.W.A.T.:
“The Killing Ground” Theme
Music/Credit Sequence:
One of the great themes of the ‘70s is supported by a pretty cool
action montage. The S.W.A.T.
team transport truck was right up there with the A-Team’s van. Concept:
An elite police team employs Special Weapons and Tactics.
“When people are in trouble, they call the police.
When the police are in trouble, they call S.W.A.T.” Regulars:
Steve “Captain America”
Forrest is team leader Lt. Hondo Harrelson, Robert Urich is Off. James
Street. The
Episode:
Before S.W.A.T. became a series, it was given a backdoor
pilot via a two-hour episode of The Rookies.
However, the only character introduced there was team leader
‘Hondo’ Harrelson. The
rest of the regular cast we meet here, with all the normal exposition and
so on. Thus this is the only
show of the five featured on this DVD that feels like a real ‘first’
episode of a series. Handsome
young patrol cop Jim Street and his veteran partner Rob Duran respond to a
domestic disturbance call. Upon
reaching the scene, however, they find themselves ambushed by a trio of
snipers. Another patrol car comes by and helps drive their assailants
off, but Duran is severely wounded. Quickly
on the scene—too quickly, it seems, although as explained later it makes
sense—is a S.W.A.T. team led by Lt. Hondo Harrelson. Duran
dies at the hospital. Street
cries big glycerin tears, obviously an attempt to make the characters more
‘realistic’ and sensitive than earlier TV cops in the Joe Friday mold.
He then asks Harrelson to let him try out for the new S.W.A.T. team
Hondo’s establishing. Afterward,
Harrelson informs Mrs. Duran, pregnant with their third child, of her
husband’s fate. (She looks
about twenty years younger than her husband was, for whatever reason.)
Since Hondo isn’t in Duran’s chain of command, his assuming
this task seems unlikely. Besides,
wouldn’t Street want to be the one to tell her?
In any case, the scene is a sadly hilarious example of ‘70s
earnestness, exemplified by Forrest’s forehead-wrinkling acting. And the dialog is shameless:
Grieving
widow:
“The baby’s birthday is tomorrow.
We…were going to buy the party decorations tonight!
God! God!
Why?! Why?!” The
ambush was the latest in a string of cop killings.
We the viewers now meet the killers, who are seeking revenge for a
felonious relative shot down by police.
Meanwhile, Street, fellow patrol cop T. J. McCabe (‘T.J.’ being
popular initials for TV cops, I guess) and undercover narc Dominic Luca
attempt to make the S.W.A.T. team. Luca’s
the class clown guy whose mouth usually gets him in trouble.
When we first see him he’s in full undercover Serpico-mode,
including the inevitable battered army jacket and beard.
There
are other guys trying out, but Street, McCabe and Luca are clearly the
ones who will make the cut. (First
of all, we saw all of them in the opening credits.)
We’re told what a hard-ass Harrelson is, and how rigorous the
training, although all we see is some standard calisthenics and field
stuff. Part
of the show’s appeal was the team’s, well, stuff.
Particularly the “war wagon.”
This was the big blue truck that transported the team and their
equipment. To facilitate speed, the team members grab their weapons on
the way out and leap into the truck.
Then they don their jumpsuits and body armor en route and arrive
ready to instantly deploy. Extra
weapons and gear are on board for off-duty personnel, who are directed to
head directly to the scene when a call goes out.
The truck also functions as a mobile command and communication
center. Street,
McCabe and Luca make the team (told you—the opening credits never lie),
and go out for beer and dinner with Hondo and Deacon to celebrate.
This allows for more character stuff, for what that’s worth.
Street, for instance, gives a big monolog while talking with Hondo.
It’s pretty clear already that these two will be the show’s
main characters. Hondo
gets a phone call: There’s
been another ambush. Two more
cops are dead, for a total of five slain officers.
The killers want six, and plan one final ambush at some abandoned
school grounds. However, the
dispatcher recognizes the voice of the one killer’s wife, who’s been
forced to make the calls that lure the cops into position. Hondo and the
others grab their weapons and hit the war wagon for the first time. The
team arrives outside the grounds and fans out to scout the area.
Moving stealthily, they are able to identify where the ambushers
are stationed. The signal is
given and they move into position. In
the end, one of the killers is dead, another wounded and the last
captured.
Clichés
& Sundry Observations:
·
Older cop
expounds to young partner on how much he loves his wife and kids?
Hmm, where is this going? ·
Gun fight! ·
As a dead
uniform cop (wife, couple of kids) is grieved over, the show’s theme is
played in a slow, elegiac arrangement. ·
As Hondo
informs Mrs. Duran of her husband’s death, the show’s theme is played
in a slow, elegiac arrangement. ·
Hondo’s
Second in Command is Sgt. David Kay.
At one point Kay studied to be become a preacher, and thus is
nicknamed Deacon. Did I
mention Kay is the show’s black character? ·
Gee, why
do the three psycho-killers keep sniffling and rubbing their noses, I
wonder. ·
The
team’s sniper, curly-haired blond McCabe, shoots with great accuracy
because as a kid his impoverished father took him hunting and they
couldn’t afford to waste bullets. He
stood out as a character not just for his golden locks, but because he was
the only member to employ a sniper rifle rather than the team’s standard
M16. That’s the kind of
show it was. ·
Uhm, I
think maybe that was a stunt man. ·
Gun fight! ·
An Aaron
Spelling Production? Yes.
In fact, it was spun off of Spellman’s The Rookies.
(See below.) ·
Final Body
Count: 2 killed onscreen,
several other deaths are referenced ·
Bad
Clothing Factor: 1 ·
Social
Relevancy & Grittiness Factor: 2
(for portraying a new world of senselessly violent crime) ·
Big screen
film adaptation due in 2003? Yes.
·
A S.W.A.T
season one DVD set is due out the summer to tie in to the movie. Guest Stars:
The villains are played by three character actors extremely
familiar to TV and movie audiences in the ‘70s.
The group’s leader is played by Geoffrey Lewis, who here gives
exactly the sort of wide-eyed, manic performance he was known for.
Lewis appeared in over a hundred movies, including many of Clint
Eastwood’s pictures from the ‘70s and ‘80s.
William
Lucking was also a familiar heavy to TV and movie audiences of the time.
He guest starred on nearly a hundred different TV shows, and also
starred in several other short-lived series.
Some will remember him as Col. Lynch, the early nemesis of the
A-Team. Jabootu fans,
meanwhile, will recall his appearance in Captain
America II.
Jesse
Vint appeared in many cheesy ‘70s and ‘80s drive-in movies (Bug,
Macon County Line,
Forbidden World,
etc.) and many, many TV shows. Vint’s
wife, meanwhile, is played by a young Annette O’Toole.
Finally, lest I’m mistaken, Kenneth “The
Thing From Another World”
Tobey has an unbilled cameo as a desk sergeant. Brilliant
Dialog: ‘Deacon’
Kay: “Ambush!
Cold-blooded assassination! Why?!” The
Lighter Side of S.W.A.T.: Afterthoughts: Audiences
loved S.W.A.T., but the critical response was savage.
With its trademark—some would say fetishist—fascination with
paramilitary tactics and weapons, the show was considered retrograde in
the extreme by progressive viewers. Which
isn’t surprising. S.W.A.T.
was at least partly an attempt to jump on the take-no-prisoners, violent
cop bandwagon exemplified by Clint Eastwood’s Dirty
Harry, a film the
prominent critic Pauline Kael famously labeled fascistic.
During the second season the network tried to tone down the violent
content. This, naturally,
radically diminished the program’s popularity and it went off the air at
season’s end. Meanwhile,
the stiff-acted S.W.A.T. is probably also the campiest of the shows
presented here. The writing,
direction and acting are about as generic for a ‘70s TV show as you’ll
find. Steve Forrest in
particular exhibits an often humorous Leslie Nielsen/Robert Stack-esque
hamminess. Urich, meanwhile,
begins his long parade of TV series.
Here he exhibits the sort of lush, dark-haired prettiness
reminiscent of the young Timothy Dalton. Police
Woman: “The End Game” Theme
Music/Credit Sequence:
The show opens with clips from the upcoming episode, almost like a
movie trailer. These are
followed by the show’s opening credit sequence, which is composed of the
normal montage of action shots and freeze frames.
However, the lined image of Dickinson with her gun is almost as
iconic as the drawings used to represent Ironside when he was shot.
The theme music is great, a solid A. Concept:
“Pepper” Anderson is a female cop who specializes in dangerous
undercover assignments. Regulars:
Angie Dickinson as Pepper, Earl Holliman as her partner Bill, Ed
Bernard as Styles the Black Cop and Charles Dierkop as Royster the Other
Cop. The
Episode:
We open with a man trolling for hookers by flashing a twenty-dollar
bill—you can tell this takes place before the Carter days of
stagflation— as he drives down around Hookertown.
Meanwhile, Pepper is on undercover duty dressed like a whore, as
she often was. She’s
driving around with Styles, who’s dressed as her pimp (natch) and
driving a gigantic gold Lincoln Continental (double natch).
Bill and Royster are cruising in another car.
They’re looking for a pimp who put one of his girls in the
hospital. Their stakeout is interrupted by an armed robbery radio call. They arrive to find a cop down—his wounds are surprisingly bloody—and a shootout with the perpetrator ensues. |
