| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
TheFoywonder
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
833 Posts |
 Posted - 03/25/2006 : 10:09:51 PM
|
Okay, let me explain this one to those not in the know. In my writing and reviewing for The Horror Channel's Dread Central I've been following the progress of a fast rising direct-to-video production company called The Asylum that started out as very promising but of late has devoted almost their entire output to cashing in on a big screen genre films by producing low budget DTV knock-offs of highly dubious quality.
The Asylum’s H.G. WELLES' WAR OF THE WORLDS starring C. Thomas Howell was released the day before the Cruise/Spielberg blockbuster. The Asylum’s KING OF THE LOST WORLD, a modernized variation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s THE LOST WORLD with a giant ape tossed in, was released the day before Peter Jackson’s KING KONG. In January they released EXORCISM: THE POSSESSION OF GAIL BOWERS, an obvious attempt to cash in on THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE. In February they released WHEN A KILLER CALLS, a rip-off of that awful WHEN A STRANGER CALLS REMAKE so similar in plot that they should be thankful they didn't get sued. This week they release their THE HILLS HAVE EYES copycat HILLSIDE CANNIBALS.
Earlier this week, I logged onto The Asylum's website to make sure I had the release date right for BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA'S CURSE, the Asylum's first completely original, at least as original as a DTV vampire movie can be, film coming out in April, and saw they had posted info about two new Asylum productions that, well, let’s just say what I read was quite an "omen" of things to come.
On June 6th The Asylum will be releasing the horror thriller THE CHILD.
"Young couple, Scott and Erika, adopt Donald, a child orphaned by a tragic plane crash. Their new family seems picture perfect at first, but then everyone around them starts dying in horrific ways. They soon discover that their family's new addition is really the son of Satan."
Hmm... What big screen remake of a classic Seventies horror film about a couple that come to learn their son is actually the Antichrist also just happens to be opening in theaters on June 6th? But is THE CHILD really the best title The Asylum think tank could come up with? Were they incapable of coming up with a distinct word that means roughly the same thing as the word "omen"? Someone get me a thesaurus; I bet I can come up with a better title.
Keeping with the theme of piggybacking off big Hollywood films, this summer The Asylum will be releasing a little something they're calling PIRATES OF TREASURE ISLAND. "Inspired by Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island" in much the same way that The Asylum's KING OF THE LOST WORLD was "inspired by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World," this Asylum production couldn't possibly be trying to cash in on a certain Disney produced supernatural pirate adventure flick sequel starring Johnny Depp, could it?
"Jim Hawkins yearns for a life of adventure. His life of monotony suddenly changes when he comes into possession of a map. The young innkeeper then bands with pirates and travels to the infamous Skull Island in search of a king's buried treasure."
Okay, I admit that the prospect of Lance Henriksen as a pirate intrigues me, but still.
One thing is for certain, the inmates are indeed running The Asylum. And you know what? I think it's time we got in on their action. Hell yeah! One of the most buzzed about upcoming genre films is SNAKES ON A PLANE. If you haven't heard about SNAKES ON A PLANE then you're clearly out of the loop. The title summarizes the plot. It's poisonous snakes loose on a plane in mid-flight. Sure, there's a little more to the plot but mostly it's about snakes on a plane. What a perfect film to be able to make a cheap knock-off of. I say we help the The Asylum out.
I've created a poll with the titles/concepts for numerous potential SNAKES ON A PLANE rip-offs. The Asylum have a feature on their website where you can submit a treatment (a detailed synopsis outlining a film's plot) in hopes that they select it option it and make it into a movie. I want you to vote - the poll is open to everyone - and whichever title wins the poll, I'm going to dream up a short treatment for a film based around the title and submit it to The Asylum. I highly doubt they'll make it, and once they see my name attached to it they may very well print it out and burn it in effigy, but I still say we have some fun and go for it. You have your options. Surely one of these outlandish nature gone amok premises featuring small dangerous animals killing people trapped in a confined mode of transportation from which there is no easy escape. I ask everyone to take a moment to head over to my blog and cast a vote because, dammit, your vote could end up making movie history!
BLOG POLL LINK - [url]http://foywonder.livejournal.com/38168.html[/url]
Now Playing in Foyeurism at Schlocktoberfest.Com:
2 TURBO 2 TEEN - Turbo Teen returns one last time!
Plus: B-WARE THE BLOG is alive at http://www.livejournal.com/users/foywonder |
|
|
jackspencerjr
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
262 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 08:33:14 AM
|
Bees on a Submarine is just eight kinds of genius. I could see old Clint Howard now spouting the line we all want to hear:
"I want these m*****f****** bees off this m******f***** submarine right now!" |
Edited by - jackspencerjr on 03/26/2006 08:33:45 AM |
 |
|
|
twitterpate
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Canada
1026 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 2:55:34 PM
|
| Actually, Lance Hendrikson would make a good legitimate Long John Silver, I think (that is, if Silver could be considered "legitimate" in any known definition of the term). |
|
|
|
twitterpate
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Canada
1026 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 3:00:35 PM
|
| RATS ON A SUBWAY? What's that, a documentary of some sort??? |
|
|
|
jackspencerjr
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
262 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 4:20:32 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by twitterpate
RATS ON A SUBWAY? What's that, a documentary of some sort???
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. There's nothing surprising about rats in the subway becayse, well, there are rats in the subway. That would be like making a movie called Ants At a Picnic. It's just where they are, and why Snakes On a Plane is a good title. You just don't expect to find snakes on a plane. So Rats On a Subway is no good, but Woodpeckers On a Subway... now you've got something. |
|
|
|
TheFoywonder
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
833 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 7:58:05 PM
|
I knew I should have used RATS ON A SINKING SHIP.
As for woodpeckers, I've always thought there was a good killer birds movie to be made about woodpeckers but I suspect that people would think a film titled NIGHT OF 1,000 PECKERS is actually a porno.
Now Playing in Foyeurism at Schlocktoberfest.Com:
2 TURBO 2 TEEN - Turbo Teen returns one last time!
Plus: B-WARE THE BLOG is alive at http://www.livejournal.com/users/foywonder |
|
|
|
Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 03/26/2006 : 8:07:25 PM
|
| Gotta be Sharks On The Space Shuttle. Though logistically I'm not sure how that would occur. I do really like Bees On A Submarine- I think I would pay to see that. |
|
|
|
Gristle McThornbody
Preeminent Apostolic Prelate of the Discipleship of Jabootu
Germany
186 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2006 : 7:39:11 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Sardu
Gotta be Sharks On The Space Shuttle. Though logistically I'm not sure how that would occur. I do really like Bees On A Submarine- I think I would pay to see that.
Logistically, it would be easy - Either the EEEVIL military put sharks on the space shuttle to use cosmic rays to mutate them into super-intelligent shark soldiers, or an EEEEEEEVIL capitalist bribed government officials to allow him to put sharks on the space shuttle so cosmic rays could mutate them into a super-intelligent shark security force to protect his oil wells (placed in manatee breeding grounds) from Greenpeace.
"Hi, I'm Bob Evil!" |
|
|
|
Sardu
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
1126 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2006 : 7:44:50 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Gristle McThornbody
Logistically, it would be easy - Either the EEEVIL military put sharks on the space shuttle to use cosmic rays to mutate them into super-intelligent shark soldiers, or an EEEEEEEVIL capitalist bribed government officials to allow him to put sharks on the space shuttle so cosmic rays could mutate them into a super-intelligent shark security force to protect his oil wells (placed in manatee breeding grounds) from Greenpeace.
Wow, that WAS easy!! |
|
|
|
Bob_Tanaka
Altar Boy of Jabootu
3 Posts |
Posted - 04/22/2006 : 09:29:58 AM
|
DEFINETLY Sharks on a Space Shuttle.
Sharks are sent into space to study the effects of weightlessness on marine animals and also find a cure for cancer (always gotta be something like that). However, we learn that in space, sharks don't need to stay in water, since the special air they have on the space shuttle can be filtered through their gills. Now there are three great white sharks floating around the space shuttle, eating!
To make matters worse, one of the astronauts is secretly in league with the EEEEEEEVVVILL military and hopes to use the floating sharks as a super weapon to take complete control of space itself, and subsequently have control over all its "fabulous resources".
I just realized that floating sharks would actually be a rather cool image, but alo very fnny if you imagine the quality of the F/X they would have. |
|
|
|
Flangepart
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
2329 Posts |
Posted - 04/24/2006 : 3:16:01 PM
|
Just realised something. Space Shuttle : Very small and crampted.-Need Tiny sharks.-Transpose to Pirana, now yer talkin!
Pirana on a space shuttle! "In space, no one can hear the bite."
"Cole, stop handing Dr. Doom the Keys to the Baxter building." Brent Sienna/PvP.
"I speak 34 different languages. But gibberish is not one of them."- Danger Mouse.
|
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
Forum Locked
Topic Locked