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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
 Posted - 08/29/2009 : 07:39:58 AM
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Episode 36-The Good, the Bad, and General Ug
Summary: The Scanrangers and their friends head out to a paintball blitz place for some fun, but Ug is nearby and takes the games out of the war games.
Monster: KuroRhino
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/epi36.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Narration: Takeshi was about to complete his class teaching Asian studies. the focus: pre-industrial Japan. He knew for certain if he taught the class in a traditional fashion, the students would see the course as a terrible bore. One thing he did not want was an imitation of Ben Stein, a la Ferris Bueller.
*Odd choice to compare an energetic superhero to a guy whose claim to fame is his monotone voice. Welcome to Scanranger, huh?
-B.C.: “Another hard day on the job, Takeshi-san?”
Takeshi: “You could say that..I've been putting off grading mid terms for the longest..”
*The longest what? And why has he been putting it off? The last episode was nothing but a clip show, they haven’t been busy with MAYHEM. Or do they double classes because of all the time they lose with states of emergency being declared? That can’t be it either with the months it takes MAYHEM to come up with a single plan.
-Nick: “What? Me again? Why don't you ask Vin sometime? He's raking in the dough!”
*He is? The nebulous details about the characters’ backgrounds wouldn’t tick me off so much if Vin didn’t seem to get all of them.
-B.C.: “Guys, we've only about thirty minutes till the office closes up shop..Can't drive up in time..”
Another Scanranger, Nick I guess: “Geniuses..We have teleporation devices..”
Another other Scanranger, Takeshi I guess?: “Of course, not here in the hallway. Like I said, I'll catch up with you in about an hour or so.”
*They can’t teleport in the hallway but they can talk about being able to teleport in the hallway. Idiots.
-Nick: Nick felt hesitant. “Are you sure this area's okay for the war games? This forest's making me a tad nervous..”
*This is how a guy whose extracurricular activity is fighting monsters and who survived a trip to the slasher movie dimension reacts to “a grassy field for about 300 yards surrounded by woods”? The Scanrangers are the worst superheroes ever!
-The Scanrangers imagine themselves as cowboys and have an imaginary shootout. I believe that’s known formally as a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment.
-Takeshi: “Word came to me that you're a yellow-livered coward!”
*A yellow-livered coward? Is this guy paying attention when he watches the movies he writes about? After Scanranger vs. Jetman I’m wondering if he’s even watched some of these things.
-Nick: “Four hundred dollars?!?” Nick said meekly.
*Meekly with multiple punctuation??
-Narration: Poor NH gets himself shot by Two Gun!
*Poor Nihongo Kid (B.C.)? I know I can’t let go of this but he’s the Scanranger who needs a whooping the most.
-Narration and Nick: Cut back to the woods as Nick paused and thought..“Weird fantasy sequence..You usually don't get those in sentai episodes..Oh, well..”
*You know, after turning his characters first into spies, now into cowboys, and how as of autumn 2009 it’s been about three years since the last new episode appeared, one wonders if Vince might be tired of the Scanrangers.
-Narration: And as usual, up above the villain's hideout, the floating satelitte stronghold which is called Nebultopia, Colonel Trilobyte exposes his lack of patience with his MAYHEM captains.
*He exposes his lack of patience? When did he ever hide it?
-TriloByte: “What is wrong with this group that we cannot defeat a band of young children? What is it that is keeping us from claiming this rich natural resources of this planet that is ours by right?”
Ug: “The Scanrangers?”
Narration: At first response, Trilobyte wanted to assault Ug for that incompetent answer.
*At the end of the episode TriloByte takes joy in having undermined Ug without anyone’s knowledge and the bib page says TriloByte is looking for revenge on MAYHEM. He shouldn’t want to attack Ug for saying something stupid, he should be rejoicing his revenge will be so easy to get.
**Plus, isn’t Ug right?
-TriloByte: “Indeed, Ug, the Scanrangers have long been a thorn on our side..and I believe that in order to get them out of our hair, it will require special tactics..like yours..commando and guerilla tactics, for instance..”
*Ug has tactics? Since when? He’s the stupid guy. And since we’re talking about Scanranger, that’s really saying something.
-TriloByte gives Ug a special substance to make him stronger if things go against him. Apparently this is the same stuff Ug used to power himself up way back in the fifth episode. Why hasn’t he been using it all since then, or why haven’t the leaders of MAYHEM been giving him more? They’re always yelling about how useless the officers are. And it works, too: Ug is actually winning when he leaves for no apparent reason. So why is he only being allowed to use the stuff now?
-TriloByte: “Take it at the moment you need to recover your physical strength..especially if they attack you..”
*Especially if they attack him? Why wouldn’t they?
-TriloByte: “These children are on their way to some sort of human activity..”
*Yes, they’re humans, so they probably are on their way to human activities or performing human activities during most of their waking hours. Can’t sneak anything past you.
-Takeshi: “Don't tell Carmen, though..she thinks we're going on a hotel getaway in the mountains..”
Narration: Carmen couldn't help overhearing a bit of the conversation.
*And isn’t at all suspicious. I continue to be underwhelmed by humanity’s protectors.
-Narration: The other team, Team Shinobi, with Vin leading that squad, including Carmen, Nick, and two other students, Mike and Kelly.
*Mike? As in short for Mikey? As in Kunio’s nickname? This is the fourth time a minor character’s had the same name as a major one. What gives? I want to say Vince is trying desperately to come up with names that have never been given to a Power Ranger, and the list of those is shorter every year. Of course, that supposes Vince realizes he’s doing this.
**By the way, there was a Power Ranger named Nick, and apparently his overemphasis is the main reason most people don’t like his season (Mystic Force). How embarrassing.
-Somebody: “Everyone..the two teams here know how the game is played. The paint is safe, just make sure you don't hit each other at point-blank range..Your mission, to grab the red flag up at the top of the hill, about a good half mile away..Once you retrieve the flag, you return to base, and a trophy for the victors!”
*And still Carmen says nothing. I know she was added to the team in the heat of battle but geez…
-Ug: “I see some of those Scumrangers in my sights..We can deal with the lesser humans that are accompanying them. Once they're out of the way, then we'll attack..”
*And TriloByte was just praising Ug for his tactical skills. Wouldn’t taking their friends hostage instead of taking them out make the Scanrangers easier to beat? “Try anything funny and it’s lights out for your friends” is the oldest trick in the book, but it’s brilliant for this story.
-Narration: The rest of Team Shinobi was unaware of their impending flight.
*What?
-Narration: B.C. then looked directly in the face of a Kink in army gear.
*That’s the third time Vince said a Kink was wearing camos or combat gear or whatever. We get it.
-Narration: jumped ahead of Takeshi and Toni, towards the open field.
*That’s the entire sentence.
-B.C., probably: “MINA! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!”
*Once again B.C. proves Professor Alex is the worst superhero talent scout ever. What does he think his friends are gonna think he means? They’re playing war games! What if he said, “Guys! Kinks!” Or if he was afraid of a non-Scanranger hearing him and giving away his identity, what about, “Guys! Robots!” But no, that would’ve been intelligent and helpful. And we would’ve missed out on the humor where they shoot “B.C. full of latex, leaving him like a living pop art painting.” Which means B.C. got shot by his own friends twice in one episode. So never mind.
-Narration: Lost within the fire and smoke, our heroes had already transformed before impact! "CAMERA! ACTION! SCANRANGER!" they all shouted going into absolute battle! The first thing the team had done was to run for cover, for even their special abilities weren't enough to combat Ug's special forces.
*They went into absolute battle. That doesn’t sound like running away to regroup, does it?
-Narration: At their command, their five multi-colored sleek metallic steeds approached them, with each one boarding their rarely used cycles.
*Rarely used. At least he admits it.
-Narration: Red with his RedTivoli, Green with his GreenRialto, Blue and his BlueNickelodeon, Yellow and her YellowRitz, and Pink riding on her PinkAngelika. (Editor's Note: Bikes based on popular named movie houses of the past and present)
*See what I did there?!
-Vin: “Okay, team! Let's show these MAYHEM goons some real commando tactics!”
*Do commandos usually fight tanks while riding motorcycles? Besides in the movies? Because otherwise I don’t know what he’s talking about.
-Narration: Before the Kink driven tank had Vin within his crosshairs, the tank landed into a camoflauged tiger trap, falling a good 50 feet into the hole
*What’s a 50-foot pit doing at a paintball blitz place where paying customers can fall down it? I suppose it’s possible Vin whipped it up with his powers, but could he please say so? Read the rant below and see why this is especially bad.
-Narration: Pink and Yellow with their motorcycles,…
*Vince, please stop reminding us of the obvious. In the name of all that’s holy. If they had a good reason to not bike fight with the others and decided to go with it, you would tell us then. If they’re doing exactly what everyone else is, don’t reestablish it. Sheesh.
-Narration: Thinking of a robotic monster crawler, he created a mechanical spider which he was able to board and control. The spider was a minature version of the one used by the Western villain Loveless from 'Wild Wild West'.
*Ug whips up a version of the spider machine from Wild Wild West. Forget how it specifically says Ug can tap war movies on the bib page, and WWW is anything but. I guess what his powers really let Ug do is pull any war machine out of a movie, which is fine, but wouldn’t it be nice if the story could get one single thing straight?
-Narration: The car transformed, similiar to WideScreener in SuperScreener mode. This time, the car separated, also becoming part of his armor.
*Uh, what?
-B.C.: “Here he comes, here comes SilverScanner..”
Carmen: “He's a demon on wheels..”
*Vince, don’t do this. Taking a famous song lyric or saying and changing one word to mold it to your story doesn’t make it funny.
-Ug: “You dare to challenge me, Scanranger?”
Takeshi: “Right, Shogun Ug-ly! Besides that, your wrath tastes very disgusting!”
Ug: “How dare you! KuroRhino! Smash him!”
*That’s a big reaction to such a kiddified insult. Stupid story.
-Narration: He leaps out of his vehicle towards Ug's spider.
*He jumps out of his vehicle that becomes armor? Why? Why do I even ask?
-Narration and Ug: As soon as Takeshi saw the general in full view, he attacked him with his battle axe, directly into his chest! Silver grabbed his chest but recovered quickly. “This is far from over, Scanrangers! I'll be back! Count on it!” General Ug makes a hasty teleportation retreat.
*Does it sound like Ug’s running away from a fight he’s winning to anyone else? Silver isn’t the one who has an axe, and he didn’t even hit back before Ug ran for it.
-Narration: One last blast from the cybercreature's laser horn, but this time it did not even faze the combined gestalt.
*Combined gestalt. Open a dictionary!
-Vin: “Ready to do what we do best, guys?”
*Make idiots of yourselves while pretending you’re doing good for the world?
-Carmen: “I can't believe you suckered me like that, Takeshi! You told me we were going to a hotel!”
*Says Carmen after the day is won. This is only coming up after all that prancing around in the woods? Hail the Queen of Delayed Reaction!
-Takeshi: “But we did..a little log cabin..That's as primitive a hotel you could get, even if we didn't stay overnight..”
*This is the reply to the quote for the rant just above this one. What in the hell’s that supposed to mean?
-Toni: “Lighten up, girlfriend..You have to admit it was fun..As a ranger, we're required to have fun, too..These things are gonna happen from time to time during the semester..”
*Well no, Toni, she doesn’t have to admit it was fun. Maybe she’s not into paintball. Remember how she joined: her predecessor was crippled in a horrific battle that wiped out your entire base. And she’s since started to think maybe he’s boyfriend material after all. Maybe Carmen doesn’t think there’s anything fun about armed conflict. Or…maybe she doesn’t enjoy running around in the woods. Some people are like that too.
**And WHAT things are gonna happen from time to time during the semester?
-There’s an awards ceremony for the not-resolved war game. How can there be any awards when all the non-ranger combatants were taken out by MAYHEM? We’re not talking about participation prizes. This is dumb even for Scanranger.
-Next episode teaser: In our next Scanranger adventure, with Kunio helping out the MCC crew, he makes a decison that will affect the rest of the team.
*And what “decison” is that? I’ve read the next episode two or three times and I have no idea.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 09/02/2009 07:41:21 AM
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2009 : 07:41:33 AM
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Episode 37-The Last Temptation of Kunio Mikimoto
Summary: Vixen targets Kunio. He’s sort of tempted, but despite the implication of the title he lives to tell about it.
Monster: KuroSkunk
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/epi37.html
Rating: J
Rants-
-Sarita: “Scanrangers! Emergency! MAYHEM cybercreature attacking in the industrial Leewood Park area!”
*As opposed to whose industrial area?
-Narration: Now in full battle mode, they swiftly call out the Hollywood Vehicles!
*What’s that supposed to mean, “full battle mode”? Is there a partial battle mode?
-Narration: Suddenly, the monster was blasted by Thunder Dolby THX! The Scanrangers were inside the cockpit.
*Why yes, the Scanrangers probably were inside the cockpit of the cinematic robot. It sort of goes without saying, doesn’t it? Especially after it just established them calling out the Hollywood Vehicles to fight the monster.
-Narration: The cybercreature makes its move to throw out more bombs, however, the monster's tail was cut off by WideScreener's sword!
*Since when does WideScreener have a sword?
-No idea who: “Hey! Silver! Great timing!”
*Yeah, it’s not like he shows up out of nowhere all the time, being the sixth member.
-B.C.: “Who writes his dialogue, Bill Shatner?”
*Fourth wall humor! Hyuk, hyuk! Then again, Bill’s no stranger to childish ego projects…
-Blackorg’s host: “Ree me!..Yo..an't! FREE ME!!”
Blackorg: “I shall free you indeed..BACK INTO THE ABYSS!”
*Maybe Bill Shatner needs to write Blackorg’s dialogue too. I’ll free you back into the abyss…lame!
-Blackorg: “As I recover,it seems to get stronger as I am..Somehow, after that human..(referring to Peter Emmanuel)destroyed my battle shell, that prison released some of its remaining life force..However..it will not get far, not while Lord Blackorg lives!!”
*It’s annoying how the writer goes out of his way to make sure we know Blackorg is talking about Peter, then is so unclear and confusing about everything else. And there’s a bigger problem, which is that Vince is trying to be mysterious about who the voice Blackorg is hearing belongs to, even though he chose not to be mysterious at all how Blackorg came to be way back in the teens of the series. Unless he’s going to cut the flashback out of “Debut of the Demolisher.”
-Kunio: “I don't get it..My scars have completely healed, but it seems like there's something else that's not holding my knee together.. Come on..”
*Thinks Mikey during his physical therapy. Here we go again with murky dialogue. It’s depressing how the writing can be annoyingly obvious or confusing, and rarely anything in between.
-Narration: She smiled, slowly turning into a grin that hinted as she was to plot a very special surprise.
*That doesn’t tell me anything. Is it a nice smile, or an evil one?
-Narration: Vin was obviously tired. He wondered when he and the crew could get back to a normal life after the threat of MAYHEM would end. Ditto for Toni, who wanted nothing more to get back to studying.
*What do the others think about being superheroes and all the trials they’ve been through? Are they looking forward to this being over too or do they like having powers and giant robots?
-Alex: “What the blazes are you talking about? I'm here to let you know how poor your city saving episode came out to be! […] For the past few months, I've seen you all in action..and even after all of you had gotten your upgraded powers, your fighting skills are..how can I put it..dated..”
*What Alex means is she’s giving the Scanrangers new changers (DVD ones instead of VHS ones), but their powers seem exactly the same. It feels like it’s a change Vince made because he didn’t want to seem out of the loop, but the way Alex is talking, you’d think it was an upgrade, wouldn’t you? This story can’t do anything right. Are they going to get Blu-ray changers after those take over?
-Narration: Markby presses the button, and.. SLAM! goes the FilmBraces, flattened by a concrete block released from the top of the briefing room, smashed beyond repair. Vin had a questionable look on his face, Nick just stood there, Toni and B.C. were in a state of shock, Carmen cupped her hand to her mouth. Dr.Markby pressed another button, which lowered the half ton concrete block, and there descended a briefcase, which Alex unlocks and opens, revealing a set of five new FilmBraces!
*I look at this paragraph and all I can think is how is the world not enslaved already with people who do things this needlessly complicated protecting it? The Scanrangers are getting new bracelets, does it warrant the installation of a machine to smash their old ones with a concrete slap and then open up to reveal their new ones? I mean, he didn’t bother to explain one Vixen’s bodyguards being replaced a few episodes ago, why does Vince think he needs to go to all this trouble over the Scanrangers’ changers being replaced?
-Nick: “They're okay..but if that's the case, why didn't Takeshi get an upgrade for his transforming bracelet and belt buckle?”
Takeshi: “Because they both fit well as vintage henshin devices, not unlike my Film Energy sources..True, I could use the current up and coming sentai and metal hero shows, but why change a thing? I'm pretty sure when I retire, someone could go with the new order of things..”
*So basically the Scanrangers get new changers just because, and Takeshi gets to keep his old changer just because, and nobody demonstrates new or upgraded powers because of this…are the subplots getting more pointless as we get near the end or what??
-Vin: “By the way, doc, Thanks for the upgrade!”
*Now this is really pissing me off. Did they really get an upgrade to their powers, or merely an upgrade in the sense they’re less behind the times, like I thought? They fight Emperor Toranza (a super duper bad guy) in the next episode, that would’ve been a great time for Nick to say, “Good thing we got our powers upgraded!” or Takeshi to say, “Why didn’t I take one of those better changers?” This is one poorly-written story, but then aren’t most ego projects?
-Markby: “Well, Alex..did they like the new bracelets or not?”
Somebody: “Yes, they did..”
Narration: Takeshi nodded, but then was stumped at Alex's reply.
*To make sure the ending of this sequence is as retarded and confusing as anything else about it, why is Markby asking? He was there the whole time. He saw the rangers’ reactions for himself. And who said, “Yes, they did”? I guess it was Alex, but that leaves me as confused as Takeshi, because why would that stump him? They like their new gear, that would seem to be the end of it. Should we be looking for a deeper meaning? If so, we should be looking for it in a slightly more intelligent story.
-Narration: Mikey was coy, but being that Annie was a couple of years older than him, he wanted to somehow make the friendship even more...
*Mikey’s got a crush on his physical therapist, isn’t that sweet. What happened to how he felt about Carmen? That was the longest running subplot Scanranger had, then she joins the team and it’s gone.
**Seriously, what happened? Did he realize Carmen’s constant snubbing was exactly what kept him coming back for more? Has he cooled on her now that she might interested back? I’d say that’s yet another reason not to like these guys, but this is Scanranger, and it’s almost certainly looking for meaning where there is none.
-Narration: He prepared to defend himself against the two robbers. Mikey prepared to fight.
*There’s an “act two” in between those sentences in the story, but even with that in mind do you think the second one is necessary? There’s practically no interruption at all, so why do we need Kunio’s intentions reestablished?
-Kunio: “Kinks?!? What would they want with her?”
*Why would he think they wanted Annie instead of him? He’s the former Scanranger, not her. And with reasoning skills like these, that’s probably for the best.
-Kunio: “Nanda?!? Annie! W-Why?”
Annie-droid: “It was easy..Just like you..And my mistress thought the same for you..”
*Confusing explanations are here to stay, looks like. Annie just revealed herself as a MAYHEM plant, but what does, “It was easy..Just like you..” mean? Is she talking about how easily his attention shifted to her from Carmen, maybe? If she said, “It was simple, just like you,” that I could definitely understand.
-Kunio: “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO SUCH AN INNOCENT VICTIM? WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO YOU?”
*I realize Kunio isn’t thinking straight, which is to be expected upon finding out Annie’s been murdered and replaced by MAYHEM, but nonetheless this is a dumb thing to say when he fully expected them to kill Carmen during the battle in the old base. At least Annie was in charge of rehabilitating one of their old enemies, at the time all they knew about Carmen was Kunio’s crush on her.
-Narration: With a punch to the gut, and a kick that backflipped him, Vixen brought Kunio to the ground! Vixen then put her boot on Mikey's face. Beaten by his own Film Energy, he was extremely humbled as she continued to haunt him!
*How did she beat him with his own film energy? She didn’t use any special powers, let alone any of his, and didn’t redirect his attempt to use any back at him.
-Narration: After that response, a stray laser blast separated Lady Vixen from Kunio!
*Once again, once again, it’s not a stray shot if it goes where it’s meant to go. Think about what “stray” means.
-Vin: “Let him go, Vixen!”
Narration: He and the other five, Pink, Silver, Green, Blue, and Yellow were alongside him.
*Oh, those other five Scanrangers.
-Kunio: “Where were you guys? Why didn't you guys come sooner?”
*Kunio makes a point. A powerless and crippled ex-superhero makes a tempting target for revenge, and frankly it’s a miracle MAYHEM didn’t make an attempt on Kunio’s life before now. Why didn’t he have any way to call the others if he got in trouble? Because this is Scanranger, and communication is even less of a priority than making sense.
-Vin: “Pink! Yellow! Get Mikey over to the nurse and then join us as soon as possible!”
*Vin is taking charge, which is commendable for someone whose idea of leading is “pick an opponent and kick their butt,” but it’s stupid for so many reasons. Why does he send two rangers to do this? Why the girls, especially? More suited for soft jobs, are they? And they apparently have medical facilities in their base. I’d take him there, not only because he’d be safer from another attack by Vixen, but because the people treating him wouldn’t ask questions about how he got hurt.
-Narration: The other Scanrangers aimed their guns, shouting, 'SCANLASER!' rendering Annie out cold!
*I know what he means, I’m sure you do too, but I’m also sure you don’t think it sounds like that.
-Narration: “Pink and Yellow were not imperivous to the villainesses Dark Film Energy, for they were trapped into fighting for the adoration of one Brad Pitt. Pink knew it was an illusion, yet couldn't resist the phantom's charms.”
*Come on, this was written in 2005. Shouldn’t it be Jude Law or Ewan McGregor or somebody?
**Plus, why did only Toni know it was fake? Probably didn’t brief Carmen on their enemies’ powers.
-Narration: Finally, Red fought with all his might, realizing that Vixen's power dug deep into his deepest desires, his deepest, darkest adorations, which came into the form of Tyra Banks. (Although he already got a valentine from her, he had a thing for the host of America's Next Top Model)
*He got a valentine form Tyra Banks (yeah, this is definitely one of those vanity projects)…so why is it strange he has a thing for the person who sent it?
-Narration: With a thrust of his Cinerama Cutlass,he was able to break through the phantom illusion, dissipating the almost real mirages!
*Oh brother, again Vin is the one who breaks out of MAYHEM’s mental domination and channels his anger at being controlled into an unstoppable counterattack. At least he had to struggle a little this time.
-Narration: The other rangers was spent batting Vixen's Dark Energy, all but Vin.
*Yeah, we know!!!
-Narration: Vixen was furious she didn't reach her goal of eliminating the Scanrangers.
*And she might have some right to be if she hadn’t targeted a guy who isn’t even on the team anymore.
-Narration: They duel, with Vixen attempting to clip him, but he bounces back with a fast back flip, then does the same bringing her to the ground!
*He does what the same?
-Carmen: “Yeah, Red..thanks a lot! You held up against Vixen's Film Energy! This is why you're the proven example of being our team leader!”
*Yeah, because he’s a better fighter, not because he can inspire his teammates or make strategic decisions. Gary Stu, what would we do without him.
-Vin: “No one, but no one messes with our private thoughts, and exploiting them for their own privileges!”
*Their own privileges?
-Narration: He recognized Vixen, after she revealed herself with the android who served her.
*Kunio sees through Vixen’s disguise as a professor, although I’m not sure how since she was undetectable for all this time. Maybe being full of helpless rage makes people in this universe smart, and if so they should be like that a lot more often.
-Narration: Carmen wanted desperately to come to Mikey's defense, since she was the first to divulge that Professor Fox was really Lady Vixen, but doing so would somehow jeopardize the identities of the Scanrangers as well as Professor Alex's connection to the team.
*Carmen was the first one to tell people Professor Fox was really Vixen? I think Vince meant “deduce” instead of “divulge” but didn’t bother to crack open a dictionary. As well, “somehow” indeed. How will it jeopardize their identities? I presume Vixen is a nefarious personage a lot of terrorized people would like to see brought down. Is anyone who tries to bring her to justice automatically going to be assumed to be in cahoots with the Scanrangers?
-Alex: “I fear it's going to be the worst case scenario..He's going to have to appear before a campus disciplinary board, and they would decide to expel him from Central Jersey University…”
Narration: Mikey gets inside the car, as the vehicle disappeared over the horizon. The team in disbelief, felt pity for him. Being off the team was one thing he could handle, but being banned from Central Jersey University was more overwhelming. He stayed silent throughout the road back.
*Wow, that was fast. I didn’t leave out anything. It goes straight from Alex’s line to Kunio being driven off campus.
-Vixen: “Ha! Their ex-partner's about to be thrown off the campus! With him off the team for sure, this insures that he no longer can be trusted!”
*Kunio can’t be trusted by who? One would assume the other Scanrangers, but from how they act here and in the next episode it sounds like they hope they can find a way to clear his name.
-Vixen: “Face reality, Scanrangers! You've lost..I WON!”
*Yeah! You got a guy kicked out of school who wasn’t on the team anymore and hasn’t done anything mentionable since he was paralyzed! You got those Scan suckers right where you want ‘em!
**Where does Kunio go, anyway?
-Next episode teaser: What's this? Toranza in America? The Dimensional Fleet Viram villain has jumped into the future just to destroy the Scanrangers! But our heroes will get help in the form of one of the most legendary sentai teams of all time! Three guesses, people..Here's another hint..They're not Gatchaman!
*Love that hint, but since you probably don’t know who Toranza is if you don’t know who Jetman is…whoops, I ruined the surprise.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2009 : 07:42:56 AM
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Episode 38-The Vengeance of Emperor Toranza, part 1
Summary: Deciding for some reason the Scanrangers are worthy of his attention, Emperor Toranza, one of the most powerful and cool of all sentai villains, transports himself through time to wreak his revenge.
Monster: Dimensional Mammoth, KuroCroc
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/epi38.html
Rating: JJJ
Rants-
-Narration: Dateline: Outer Space-circa 1991. High above the Earth, floats an organic shaped spacecraft-Birock-the ship belonging to the Dimensional Fleet-Viram!
*Since when is “organic” a shape?
-Narration: At that point of time, the Viram had underwent changes in leadership-in this case, forced changes-thanks to one tyrannical Viram member-Toranza!
*Forced changes in leadership aren’t so unusual in tokusatsu. It’s more the rule than the exception, actually. The only reason nobody took leadership by force before was nobody overpowered everyone else so much before Tran grew up. Except the queen.
-Narration: Toranza-in this case, he prefers to be called Emperor- a handsome but cynical alien in human form-dressed in a black and white bodysuit with pointed shoulder pads and a black cape-gained current power to take over the villain ranks.
*Where to start? In what case does he prefer to be called in Emperor? The case that now he he’s bad enough to take his own his team and Jetman at the same time? I’m pretty sure that entitles him to call himself whatever he wants. The “in human form” thing is confusing too. Toranza’s not like his partner in crime Count Radiege, he doesn’t have another form that isn’t human. Vince probably meant he’s an alien who looks human, but that’s a confusing way to put it. Last thing, what’s “current” power? He “currently” has a lot of power? He gets power from “currents”?
-Narration: After a failed attempt to defeat the Chojin Sentai (Birdman Task Force)Jetman-Tran was taunted by his teammates, and even Black Condor after he was about to do serious bodily harm on the little bad guy.
*Even Black Condor? That’s funny. Black Condor’s the team hothead who even fights his own leader sometimes. Is it strange he taunted one of the villains? No.
-Toranaza and narration: “BlueScanner..” said the emperor in a very contempt fashion, and in Japanese.
*Oh crud. Already our conscientious writer is reminding us the characters from the Japanese show speak…Japanese! It opens a whole can of worms, even if you ignore how it insults your intelligence. All Toranza says is “BlueScanner.” Does that mean he says whatever “BlueScanner” would be in Japanese? It’s just…I don’t remember the scanners’ “sentai counterparts” in Jetman ever giving their names in Japanese. They introduced themselves in English, like lots of Sentai. When Viram referred to individual members, I remember it being with those same English names. Why should a “hero” in a group so similar (yet vastly suckier) be any different?
-Toranza fumes remembering the beating he suffered at the hands of that dumbcrap BlueScanner and decides to warp through time to challenge him to a rematch. I’ve got to say, this is one evil plot I can get into. Support, even. Of course, we all know this’ll end with Toranza suffering another, even more ignominious defeat at the hands of the least likeable superhero ever.
-Toranaza: “And there's a way to make him pay..“
Narration: Toranza said, then teleported. He gets to an empty quarry where he detected something nearby the hidden rocks. With one blast of his force beam, the rubble reveals a crystal, sparkling in the shape of a pearl.
Toranza: “If I recall, this is the key to those time traveller's doom..It's not the Lighkari crystal, but it's close enough..”
*What’s this thing Toranza goes to find and how does he know where to find it? It’s a plot device, that’s all you need to know, and it’s all the writer’s going to tell you about it.
-Narration: B.C. was hanging out with Vin and the rest of the gang.
*So everyone was hanging out.
-B.C.: “I still didn't appreciate your decision..Why couldn't we help him? Why couldn't we get involved and clear the situation with the campus police? Why-”
Vin: “Has it ever occurred to you that Vixen knows our secret identities? Have you considered if we'd retailiated, it could not only get us all also expelled, but MAYHEM could also devise a way to put our loved ones in danger?”
*Our heroes discuss the situation with Kunio being expelled last episode and in the process Vince brings attention to a big issue he probably shouldn’t have. Vin seems to be saying if they spoke up on who Kunio had really been attacking, MAYHEM would strike back by using what it knows of the Scanrangers’ true identities against them. That the whole reason they’re having this discussion is because Vixen already exploited her knowledge of the Scanrangers’ identities seems to have eluded him.
**Even if MAYHEM was waiting for the Scanrangers to give it a reason use that information, which it obviously isn’t, you’re telling me there’s nothing the Scanrangers can do but cross their fingers and hope to God MAYHEM decides to play fair? They can’t ask Project Paramount to assign somebody to keep an eye on their families, or something? That’s a hell of a raw deal, or a hell of an issue Vince Jones has no idea how to handle.
-Vin: “I don't like leaving Mikey out in the lurch like that anymore than you guys do, but right now, we've no proof that she's posing as a college professor, let alone commiting a crime..Eventually, guys, if we know MAYHEM, somehow they'll reveal themselves..As Professor Alex suggested, we need to bide our time..”
*Maybe they don’t have proof, but Kunio was able to see through her disguise while his mind was clouded with homicidal rage. This makes the idea that no-one has realized Professor Fox looks a lot like Vixen the notorious super villain silly. Also, for the leader of the world-saving task force, Vin’s pretty low-key when confronted with the possibility one of his worst enemies has been right under his nose for who knows how long. The sentiment is strong that he thinks Kunio might have been onto something, yet he doesn’t suggest they keep an eye on Professor Fox.
-Narration: Takeshi was walking through the park, when he noticed a sparkle that resembled a mini falling star. It happened to be the futuristic enchantress, Aileen, who was now the guardian of the Lighkari crystal.
*This is another good example of how Mr. Jones misuses his effort during these stories. I read Scanranger vs. Jetman two or three times to get all my notes for it and never got the idea Aileen was an “enchantress.” And I can see why she was appointed the guardian of the amulet. It only took the intervention of ten superheroes to barely avert disaster. Anyone want to bet she got the job because we already knew who she was?
-Narration: Her mission was to find the Inolife gem, which had very little power by itself, but connected with the Lighkari gem, it had the ability to give the bearer absolute immortality!
*Don’t you mean “omnipotence” or something?
-Narration: Toranza and the dimensional beast arrived minutes before Aileen, landing in Scorsese Park.
*Dimensional Mammoth’s not a Dimensional Beast but a Bio Dimensional Beast, being part animal and part machine rather than all machine.
-Aileen: “He has the Inolife crystal! I must inform the Scanrangers before it's too late!”
Toranza: “No, my pretty little pixie..It is too late! You shall not inform those interlopers any more than you being a thorn in my plans!”
Narration: Toranza made his appearance behind her! He activated the combined Lighkari and Inolife crystals, snaring Aileen and immediately entrapped her within the shiny orbs with no way to escape!
*When did Toranza get the Lighkari crystal? He didn’t, yet he has it. If you needed a sign this was going to suck, there’s a big one.
-Takeshi: “I must be seeing things! Either I've been watching too much sentai, or that's a Yutaka Hirose lookalike posing as Emperor Toranza!"
*Takeshi can recognize Toranza just like that. So much for there not being “any difficulty for him to blend in.” Hey dude, this is the Scanrangers’ home turf. If they’re from the future, they might know what you look like as an adult too.
-Takeshi: “HEY! JUST TO LET YOU KNOW, THE SAN DIEGO COMIC CON ISN'T UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!”
*What?? Why is Takeshi screaming at him? Of course it’s the real Emperor Toranza and he deserves all the hate Takeshi has to give, but Takeshi doesn’t know that. He stayed behind when the other Scanrangers got to team up with Jetman, and laughed off their stories when they got back. He mentioned the actor’s name, too, implying that for the moment we’re going with the version of continuity that says Jetman’s only a TV show in the Scaniverse. So how does Takeshi know this is someone he should yell at? Does he have a congenital hatred of cosplayers or something?
**And isn’t San Diego on the other side of the continent from New Jersey? Just sayin’ it’s a ways away.
-Toranza: “Hmmph..Another new Scanranger, eh? Have at me, then!!”
*Another? Takeshi’s the first “new” Scanranger Toranza’s ever seen.
-Narration: Takeshi gripped his hand, still feeling the vise-like grip Toranza applied to it. He attempted to shoot him, but he dodged the LaserMagnum shots. The emperor leapt into the air, and a long fencing-type sword materialized into his hand.
*To be clear, Toranza has caught one of Takeshi’s punches and is still gripping his hand. How can even Toranza hope to dodge shots from that close? It’d be a lot less stupid if Takeshi shot him from point blank range but nothing happened because Toranza’s currently unbeatable thanks to the crystals. And why call Toranza’s weapon a “fencing-type sword”? It’s called a foil, the most basic research on fencing would tell you that.
-Narration: Suddenly, a familiar green-clad bodysuit got in the way of the two, grabbing Toranza, and applying a judo throw over his head
*A…green-clad bodysuit?
-Takeshi: “B.C.-san..You were right after all..You won't believe this, but.." Silver points at their opponent.
B.C.: "Nani? Bakana!"
Takeshi: "That's exactly what I said.."
B.C.: "Wait a minute! You mean to tell me that, he's.."
*B.C. is flabbergasted when Takeshi says the guy they’re fighting who looks like Toranza is Toranza. Why? Takeshi was the one who didn’t come along when they met the real Jetman and didn’t believe his friends’ stories when they returned. B.C.’s the one who left a girl in 1991.
**Pushing my incredulity even farther, when Jetman shows up Nick says, “It can’t be!” It was dumb enough when B.C. did it, but if Toranza could be there, why not Jetman too? Huh? Why not?
-Toranza: “Round one is yours, Jetman..for now!”
*The way I understand it, if someone wins the round, the round’s over. When Toranza comes back to fight again, wouldn’t everyone on the planet consider that another round? Does Vince Jones know something I don’t?
-With Toranza out of their hair for the moment, Jetman greets the Scanrangers. This time a quick description of each Jetman’s appearance and personality is given. That would’ve been nice the first time they appeared.
-Toni: “The Jetmen here, in our time? Incredible!”
*Oh come on!
-Ryu: “Vin! Genki desu ka?"
Vin: "It's good to see you, Ryu, Thanks-"
Narration: Vin then remembered. Since Aileen, the magical pixie helped to break the language barrier, obviously they couldn't understand each other.
*Since Aileen what? Also like how Vin shows why he’s in charge when he has to REMEMBER Japanese people speak Japanese. Despite one having just done so to him! Seriously, what the hell??!
-Vin: “Ahhh, B.C., Takeshi?”
Takeshi: “Say no more,fearless leader..We've got your back..If you need an interpreter, just ask us.”
*Why yes, there probably is a language barrier. Thanks for letting us know, Mr. Jones. Didn’t I just get done saying that?
-Takeshi: “Now it's confirmed, you guys are for real..”
*I’ll be honest, when I realized Vince was going to follow up on the Jetman crossover I didn’t think he would have Takeshi fess up to not believing his friends before. He did.
-Narration: B.C. spoke to the Jetmen in their native tongue, while Takeshi interpreted back to English. Ryu explained all how he and his team was brought into the future as Takeshi translated for the others in English
*Pay attention, Vince. You’re repeating stuff you said in the last sentence.
-Narration: The Jetman leader told in detail the story on how they were trapped in prehistoric Japan, until a rift in the time barrier enabled them to escape and return to their present time.
*Sure, tells them in detail. Plus that happened in the actual show, so (most of) the Scanrangers should know what happened already.
-Ryu: “The parasite was controlled by Toranza, and after we smashed the monster's clock, it went forward as he tried to stop it..It pulled the rest of the team inside taking us to your time today...Toranza probably got here first, then we were able to follow him incognito..”
*Basically, I think, Jetman fought a new Dimensional Mammoth and just like in the show when they fought the first one, they broke its clock but went forward in time instead of backward. But why did this happen? And why did Toranza go after Jetman first? They live in his time period, he can try to exact vengeance on them anytime he wants. It doesn’t matter, it’s an explanation for why Jetman was able to follow him and team up with the Scanrangers again, but it’s a moronic explanation that doesn’t make any sense and needed to be done over.
-Nick: “Were you able to completely destroy that woolly mastodon?" asked Nick as B.C.translated back to Japanese.
Some Jetman: “We would assume that it's still with Toranza, since it's the only way to get back to the year 1991..”
*The answer’s “no.” Say that. Or, “I hope not, that monster’s our only ticket home!”
-Takeshi: “Ryu said that he was indeed impressed by the fact you've battled Radiege to a standstill, Vin..”
Vin: “Hey, it wasn't easy especially after B.C. gave me a heads-up on how powerful that blue skinned villain was, and watched those films on your battles through those toku fan based tapes..For the record, thank you..”
*Looks like nothing changed since the crossover. The villain’s out of sight for thirty seconds and they switch right into hanging out mode.
**I can believe fighting Radiege wouldn’t be easy, he’s arguably even more evil and unbalanced than Toranza, but why would it be harder “especially after” B.C. gave Vin the heads-up and he watched the movies?? He’d be able to see how Radiege fights without endangering himself.
**What the heck is a “toku fan based tape,” anyhow? I’m asking as someone who’s into the same kinds of shows as the writer of this story. It probably means videos of the show exchanged between fans, but not only is that possibly the most awkward choice of words in fanfiction history, it raises some sticky questions about what’s real and what isn’t that Vince should’ve come up with answers for before he started writing this.
-Narration: With a few pushed buttons, TriloByte did a region area search of the Viram emperor. Toranza was surprised as for once, he was picked up and teleported to Nebultopia, as well as a familiar Jetman 'monster du jour'; the Dimensional Mammoth.
Toranza: “Nanda? Anata?” he spoke in his native tongue.
*Having witnessed his battle with the Scanrangers, MAYHEM decides to get Toranza’s help in getting rid of them. Notice how the text mentions Toranza’s monster as if we haven’t heard several times that Dimensional Mammoth is around in present day New Jersey. And we’re kindly reminded once again Toranza speaks Japanese.
-Narration: With another button pressed, TriloByte activated the throne's universal translator, which enabled the MAYHEM villains to speak in their regular language, thus Toranza could hear them in theirs.
*Doesn’t one word--translator--provide all the explanation you need?
-Having been brought aboard MAYHEM’s flying battleship, Toranza keeps prompting Trilobyte to get on with the details of his offer to join forces. No way. Like I say below, he’d either laugh at the idea someone thought themselves his equal or attack and let them know who’s running the show. If not both.
-TriloByte: “Your mortal enemies are also here as you know..These said enemies..the Jetmen, have battled you before…”
*Why yes, Jetman has fought Toranza before. I bet Toranza didn’t know that. Thank you for pointing that out, Colonel Imbecile.
-TriloByte: “I'll even offer a cybercreature and a few of my foot soldiers to help finish the job..You, of course, will be rewarded handsomely...
Toranza: “And?”
TriloByte: “And nothing else!" You're not familiar with the future, so it's only fair to show to you what kind of power we can offer you..”
*Maybe Toranza isn’t familiar with the future but he is familiar with MAYHEM. He’s seen one of their monsters and met all the members except Trilobyte, and it’s not as if the organization he’s part of is majorly different from theirs. Aside from being a somewhat more believable threat.
-Narration: Toranza shows them the Lighkari and Inolife crystal, sparkling not unlike a diamond..
*Because each jewel sparkles differently from all the other kinds and I’m betting Vince Jones is an authority on that.
-Toranza: “This faerie had tried to stop me from my original goal, settling the score with those so called Scanrangers..”
*How did she try to stop him from getting revenge? Just before Toranza captured her Aileen said she needed to get the Scanrangers’ help, not that she needed to keep them out of it.
-Toranza: “With this power, I can even entrap the Jetmen forever!”
*With the power of the crystals added to his considerable inherent might, why is Toranza letting these MAYHEM twits dictate terms to him? Remember, he gained leadership of Viram by beating obedience into the other members.
-Key: “If you're actually offering us power, we've got that already! Our mighty Lord Blackorg can provide us with everything we need! You need to try to bargain us with something else!”
*Power you’ve got, but not enough to win a fight with Scanranger. I guess Key’s trying to avoid demeaning his boss, or else you’d think he’d wonder how to get strong enough to actually beat his enemies for once.
-Narration: Toranza then points the crystals at Anark Key, and gets pulled within the orb! Now, he shared the same prison with Aileen!
*That time Key asked for it, mouthing off to Toranza, but Vince sure likes to have the other bad guys pick on Key.
-Narration: At once, Nebutopia began to quake! The MAYHEM captains were startled, as the heard the voice of Blackorg! Although his physical body was still healing, his power was still enough to instill fear in those opposed him! The emperor was then bound by dark ebon shackles, applying pressure to Toranza!
Blackorg: “TORANZA! YOU DARE TO THREATEN THE DOMAIN OF THE ALMIGHTY LORD BLACKORG? FOOL! RELEASE ANARK KEY AT ONCE!”
Narration: With reluctance, Toranza brings Key out of the crystal!
Toranza: “A thousand pardons, sir! I was..just showing your leader a small sample of how I..could help defeat the Scanrangers..”
Blackorg: “SEE THAT YOU DO..BE PLEASED THAT I HAVE NOT MADE MY FULL APPEARANCE TO DEAL WITH YOU..MAYHEM! USE HIM, HIS MONSTER, AND OUR NEWEST CYBERCREATURE TO TAKE CARE OF OUR ENEMIES..”
*I realize that’s a lot of quotes for one rant but I think it’s necessary to see the whole thing. After all, the characters in Scanranger are better than anyone, even the characters in the writer’s favorite show. Even with the magic crystals in Toranza’s possession and Blackorg in recovery MAYHEM’s leader is supreme. Have some humility, Vince. If nothing else make Toranza an equal. I’ve always known this was a self-important story, but this is nauseating.
-Narration: Key recognized the outfit Toranza wore; in his first incantation as Tran.
Vixen: “He's that little brat who was part of that traitorous alien group months ago!”
*Wow, what an amazing discovery! Except they already determined Toranza was a bitter enemy of Jetman, and whether Jetman’s supposed to be real or not at this point you wouldn’t think it would be that hard to do some research on the characters. Forgive me for not being impressed. Realizing Tran and Toranza are the same person goes nowhere, anyway.
**On top of that Vixen is either a bigger idiot than Ug or has no idea how to read an Earth calendar. Months ago? It’s been established that the battle between the Scanrangers and MAYHEM has been raging for a couple years. Scanranger vs. Jetman must’ve happened before the valentine’s episode (17) because B.C.’s date was the girl he met at the end, and episodes 18-25 represent a year of story time even with four of those episodes happening back-to-back. In the frat episode (34), the Christmas one is said to have happened “years ago.” In the previous episode to this one it’s been “almost a year” since Kunio was crippled (30-31). How long have the Scanrangers been students at CJU? Did they move into graduate studies without us being told? What do their families think? What. A. Mess.
-Narration: Vixen recalled when she, Key, Ug and Blackorg battled side by side with the Viram against Jetman and Scanranger. As it may have seemed, they were both brainwashed and was unaware of them fighting each other until they returned to their regular time.
*What??
-Vixen (I guess): “Colonel, I know it's not my place to question this, but I don't trust that dimensional wanderer..”
*Your supreme overlord had to step in and restrain him. No kidding you don’t trust him.
-TriloByte: “I am aware of your time-warp that you encounter through the battle records via of Lord Blackorg.. The trick, of course, is to work a way to destroy both teams and win us a new ally in the process..”
*TriloByte’s informed which is a rare thing to see in this story, but a little more research might have been in order because--once again--Toranza doesn’t have allies, he has subordinates, and as soon as he had the chance he’d grind them all under his heel.
-Narration: The two teams spent a little leisure time at the Leewood Park Mall, getting reacquainted with each other.
*As I expected, Scanranger’s having a party now that Jetman’s with them again. This goes back to how much Takeshi saw before attacking Toranza. Did he see Aileen being sucked into a crystal or hear the bad guy talking about the Lighkari amulet? If he did it justifies all the yelling but brings up another question: what the fork are they doing telling stories and having eating contests? A friend of both teams is in danger *and* one of the most dangerous madmen in Sentai history has possession of an almighty artifact. If they know that, they have even less business taking it easy like they are.
**You know, I just realized the Scanrangers never invited Danger Woman to hang out with them any of the times she guest starred…
-B.C.: “Hey, what's the matter? You're not your little spunky self today..” he said, translated from the Japanese.
*Oh no you didn’t…
-Narration: Seeing B.C. was unexpected to her, considering that she had feelings for another guy in the form of the single named Dan, another 'birdman' in his own right.
*“The single”?
-B.C.’s automatically able to figure out that Ako is thinking about Dan, the Dimensian warrior she crushed on, and feeds her a line of nonsense about not giving up and holding onto her dreams. While B.C.‘s speech is more than a little out of left field (and not a little pointless seeing as she was never exactly haunted by Dan’s death and as a fan of the show he should know that) what most stands out about the scene is how the situation could and should be explored a lot more deeply. How recently was Dan’s death (relative to Ako)? Is Ako still trying to deal with it? Now that she’s run into him again does she feel she betrayed B.C. by having similar feelings for somebody else? Is B.C. resentful because Ako got on with her life without him? Isn’t he at all curious as to why his girlfriend looks just like her (as well as the actress who played her?) and has such similar interests? Why do I ask? Scanranger is an awful, pompous story written by someone who thinks having his characters standing side by side with Jetman is cooler than doing something memorable with that contact.
-Narration: While at the food court, Raita thought of an idea..the all you can eat restaurant. He couldn't resist wanting to challenge Carmen at another eating contest.
*A mall food court has an all-you-can-eat place?
-Takeshi: “Come on, Raita..You're not serious about this?!”
Raita: “It's all for fun, Takeshi-san..Just wanted to see how she responds to a little pressure..”
Takeshi: “Well, I won't be here when the end result occurs.." Takeshi walks away.
*Itching for a rematch to the eating contest he lost to Kunio last time, Raita is planning on challenging Carmen in his place. It took me a while to come up with a reason why Takeshi would be so worked up over it, and the only explanation I can think of is Takeshi and Kunio are supposed to be such good friends that the mere mention of Kunio’s name is painful after the former YellowScanner just got kicked out of school. And that’s only my best guess.
-Narration: (Editors note: During this period, Gai and Kaori were dating each other during mid series).
*During this period, which was during mid series.
-Narration: Gai was about to light up one of his smokes, but Kaori, tapping him lightly on the shoulder, pointing to a sign that read 'No Smoking', with the crossed out cigarette.
*And…that’s supposed to be funny or something?
-Narration: Vin and Ryu was back at Mt. Columbia with Professor Alex, who was also able to translate for our leader, since Takeshi and B.C. were the others to speak Ryu's language fluently.
*I GET IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!
-Alex: “So, Ryu..How's Chokan? Still kicking your butts with the four civilians you've got?" said Alex, translated from the Japanese.
*This happens right after the narration I clipped in the point just above. Vince, there’s a line between making sure your readers understand what’s happening and treating them like idiots, and you crossed it a long time ago.
-Vin: “It really looks like you've actually knew of Ryu here, Profess..”
Alex: “Apparently, only indirectly, Vin..I was based on the EarthShip for only eight months. Almost fifteen years ago, my job there was an interpreter for the original team members..Not only I taught English to the SkyForce members, but French and Spanish as well..Ryu was supposed to be one of my students, but he and Rie was working on a special mission, thus neither one was at my training session that day. When my term was done, I was sent back home to the States..only to find out about the horrendous Viram attack. Until we met your team a couple of years ago, Ryu. I've never heard from Chokan Odagiri since..”
Vin: “Whoa.."
*Vin’s mind is blown to find out Alex was previously a language teacher within Skyforce, the group that backs Jetman. This was hinted at the first time they met Jetman, but all in all is pretty much pointless. In case Vince doesn’t know about the widespread aversion for this kind of posturing in fanfiction, I’ll explain it: Vince, if you’re going to attach your original character to another character or organization from another show, do it for a good reason. Otherwise, people might think you’re just doing it because you think it makes your characters cooler, and that makes them think you’re fanning your ego, and that makes them think you’re full of yourself, and that makes them think your story is worse by association.
**Anyhow, I love it when the story serves up a juicy gob of inanity all at once. “Apparently, only indirectly…” What does that even mean? In addition if Jetman really happened, which Alex’s status as a former member of Skyforce would more than indicate, what was all that about the Japanese Scanrangers watching it on TV and meeting the actors who played Ryu and Kaori and wondering if the one who played Ako knew about them? And their constant bitching about the Americanization of Super Sentai shows. What’s the situation? Did someone get permission to make a show about the exploits of the real Jetman and hire a cast who all looked exactly like the major figures? Did other sentai/metal heroes/Kamen Rider shows happen too? Were the exploits of those guys adapted into TV shows which were then selectively adapted into watered down American versions the Scanrangers could hate? Then there’s the times MAYHEM went out and killed bad guys from Power Rangers; did those shows really happen too? I’ve made my point. Vince should’ve decided if Jetman really happened or not and stuck to it.
**And before we move on, Alex says they ran into Jetman “a couple of years ago.” Make up your mind, Vince.
-Alex: “Guys! Trouble uptown! MAYHEM's attacking again! This time with two possible cybercreatures!”
*Two possible cybercreatures? What does that mean?
-Vin: “You don't have to say it, Profess! We're on our way! Grab my arm, Ryu..We're about to take a trip uptown!”
*In the immortal words of Tom Servo, “He doesn’t speak your language, dickweed.” Which the story itself has been saying non-stop since this whole “Vengeance” mess started.
-Vin: “Kinks! I figured that TriloByte was behind this! Pick a partner and get ready to dance!”
*clap clap clap* Brilliant deduction, Vin. MAYHEM’s usually responsible for monsters attacking your town, isn’t it? And once again there’s the brilliant strategic maneuver “pick someone to fight and start fighting them.” Not only does that not make him a good leader, that strategy barely merits vocalizing.
-Narration: Carmen saw the Kink, then with a fast cartwheel, kicked the cannon fodder in the face using her hidden capoiera skills, then clipping it and smashing its chest!
*Carmen’s “hidden” skills? What hidden skills? Why am I asking, they wouldn’t be hidden if anyone knew.
-Nick: “See, guys? This cannon fodder was definitely much easier than your..what's those dark skinned soldiers called again?”
*I’m not saying MAYHEM isn’t a pale shadow of Viram, but Nick, the smart guy, doesn’t even consider their easy victory had anything to do with about twice as many people as usual fighting on Scanranger’s side. Still, it is nice in a piece of literature like this to see the characters admitting there’s something out there better than what they’re used to.
-Incidentally, when Alex told the rangers about the bad guys running amok she mentioned two monsters among them. Remember? The monsters only show themselves after the Kinks have fled. Where were they before?
-Narration: Using her rare attack, PinkScanner turned invisible…
*Why can a superhero whose power comes from musicals turn invisible? Maybe she mimicking Michael Beck’s career after Xanadu.
-Narration: Red lunges, but once again, Toranza teleports not once, but twice, then spins and cuts Red in the back!
*Why did Toranza teleport twice? Where did he teleport?
-Vin: “Blast it! He's way too fast! What I didn't need is another Benedict wannabe!” referring to his teleporting dimensional arch-rival
*Except Benedict didn’t teleport a lot during fights.
-Narration: Red continued his battle, attempting to counter the villain's moves. He attacked, but teleported again. Nowhere to be found, Toranza appeared to take Red out from behind!
*??????????????????????????????????????
-Narration: Red's response: "STOP!", using the Pause button to freeze the Viram villain in place!
*Vin pauses Toranza. That’s the cheapest power ever, and it figures it would show up in the most embarrassing chapter of this awful story’s history.
-Narration: The combined weapon flew behind the Smashbomber, merged into a single attack, as the mammoth, KuroCroc, and Toranza took the full blast! In the process, a part of the pachyderm's energy sputtered to the sky, opening up a time rift back to the year 1991!
*As the teams deliver a combined finishing blow to the two monsters, again Dimensional Mammoth’s beating opens a time portal in the sky. That’s the fourth time that happened (twice in the actual Jetman show + twice in this episode), and its viability as a plot device is starting to wear out.
-TriloByte: “So much for the alliance..” said TriloByte, unfazed by the defeat back up in Nebultopia.
*Like it would’ve happened anyway.
-Narration: The cybercreature was blown to bits, as well as the remains of the bio-parasite. That didn't stop them, as the implanted KillerByte reactivated within the bloodstream, and even gave the parasite a jolt to both enlarge at the same time!
B.C.: “Geez, why can't these weekly monsters ever give up and stay dead?”
*So you can make yourself even more unlikable with idiotic comments, I guess. Once again, B.C.’s supposed to be a Sentai fan, he knows that’s what always happens. Oh yeah, and he lives in a Sentai show, too.
-Narration: Takeshi grows 54 meters to counter the enlarged monsters! He then summoned WideScreener, which separated and became his armor, bringing SuperScreener to the scene!
*And that’s it, Takeshi takes on both monsters alone. I can (kind of, not really) understand Jetman standing by because they don’t have their mecha, but what about Takeshi’s teammates?
-Nick: “Come on, Silver! Take them out!”
*Don’t help, ya backseat driver! Where’s your f***ing robot?!
-Narration: The remains of the monsters were actually moving towards each other and then jelling together. In the end, KuroCroc and the Dimensional Mammoth merged their bodies, only difference was that the mastodon was greenskinned with its head on top of the mammoth, not unlike a polar bear rug.
*The mastodon was greenskinned with its head on top of the mammoth…?
-Narration: At once, a single energy blast attacked WideScreener, hitting Silver square in the chest, bringing it down!
*An “energy blast” “attacked” WideScreener?
-Nick: “Hey, Vin Man! Looks like WideScreener needs a hand!”
Vin: “Not a problem! We're making the call right now! ROLL OUT! BOX OFFICE SMASHERS!”
Narration: The Scanranger's mecha combined as well. CosmoScanner's arms connect to SamuraiScanner's torso, then Clown and DivaScanner form the lower torso and legs, with JetScanner forming the head!
*It’s about time, Great Leader. Notice how Nick had to point out they should be helping their friend. At least he figured it out eventually. Red flag on the mecha assembly, though: Vin’s robot is ShogunScanner, not SamuraiScanner. This is the first time I’ve heard otherwise. On the other hand the first time I read this episode I distinctly remember Vin called the Hollywood Vehicles (which are the pieces of their other robot) to form this robot, so once in a blue moon it seems the writer does notice a mistake.
-Narration: Scanranger robo number two came out in full force. BlockBuster gave a kick to the giant mastodon/crocodile, falling it.
*Falling it??
-Raita: “We're helpless without Jet Icarus, Jet Garuda, or even Tetra Boy to help them out! What can we do?”
*You know, the first time Jetman fought a giant monster, they had to beat it with only their normal weapons.
-Narration: With a great flash out of nowhere,and out of the time rip, the air crackled then with a great roar of thunder, came the calvary..in the form of..
Someon: "Ah! Kore wa.."
Jetman: "Hyper Hawken!"
Narration: In the nick of time, the battleship, the combined form of Icarus Hawken(aka Jet Icarus)and Bird Garuda jumps from another dimension to give our heroes a helping hand..with Commander 'Chokan' Odagiri at the helm!
*So not from out nowhere, out of the time rip. Urgh. And if that isn’t annoying enough, it says the ship comes out of “another dimension.” Is that where the Jetman characters came from? How was Alex once a part of their organization? Make up your mind, Mr. Jones.
**And remember Scanranger vs. Jetman? Remember how the exact same “we’re in another dimension, we can’t call our giant robot” issue was played up then immediately resolved? This guy’s got a million tricks.
-Chokan: “Miina..Looks like I got here right on schedule!”
*Convenient, isn’t it? How would she even know to bring Jetman’s robots?
-Chokan: “Since the two creatures joined together, it gained even more power!”
*This is a weird thing for Chokan to notice, seeing as she didn’t get there with the robot til after the monsters merged.
-Jetmen: “Two thumbs up! Way up!”
*Thanks for dragging some of the most beloved figures of Super Sentai down to the level of your knuckle-dragging slope-heads, Vince Jones.
-Ryu: “Doshimaste, Vin.." Ryu replied in Japanese, with Takeshi translating.
*Did he really do it again? He did. He did it again. There’s a little more than a page to go, and Vince still doesn’t think we know they speak different languages?!
-Takeshi coming from Ryu, I think: “Who knows, we'd just might meet again, but surely, when later on you've finished your war with MAYHEM..”
B.C.: “It may be later than you think..” referring to their untimely cameo during the ranger's Hawaiian Spring Break episodes ago.
*“Untimely”? Whatever adjective you choose, I remember when that happened…and how they called each other “Rika” and “Kotaro,” not “Kaori” and “Ryu.” Was it the characters or was it the actors? See why I don’t like this story?
-B.C.: “I don't care if she's older than I am! I want to marry that woman!”
*What in the h-e-double hockey sticks? Who’s B.C. talking about? The natural inclination is to think he means Ako because of their feelings, right? But she’s younger than he is, and Chokan had just talked, so I’m thinking the only other person he could mean is Chokan. Should it be funny? Does B.C. suddenly feel attracted to Chokan? Or does he mean the Ako of 2006, who would be older than him?
-Carmen: “So, that was what you call super sentai, guys? I'd never knew that they were really that popular..”
*Or, you know…real.
-Carmen: “Not to change the subject, I hope that Raita didn't take it personally when I won that eating contest at the mall..”
*Ah yes, because in this kind of self-serving story the author’s characters are better than everyone at anything, and even if they’re not they still get the last laugh.
-Nick: “How could you,Carmen, a small framed, yet beautiful Hispanic woman outeat Yellow Owl?”
Carmen: “Ah, can't tell you that..Ancient Dominican secret..”
*That’s the same joke Vince trotted out when the old Yellowscanner beat Raita in an eating contest. So basically this whole episode is nothing but a condensed version of Scanranger vs. Jetman.
-Toni: “Well, I really hated to see them go..especially with the extra power to beat both MAYHEM and that time traveler..”
Somone else: “Apparently, it's important to get back to their year of 1992, you know, the disruption of the space-time continum and all that 'Back To The Future' talk..”
*Yeah, unlike some not-so-superheroes I could name, Jetman doesn’t want the universe to end.
-Narration: The team was interrupted by an powerful explosion, separating the team in half, with the exceptio of B.C. and Takeshi, about 20 yards apart from each other.B.C. then gathered his thoughts, looked up.
*What happened??
-Toranza: Toranza continued in his native tongue, "I haven't forgotten how you humiliated me, BlueScanner, and for that, you must pay..I intend to collect that payment..WITH YOUR LIFE!"
*Hold me back…hold me back!
-Narration: With that, Toranza and B.C. both teleported out of view and possibly into another dimension!
*Smoooooth.
-Someone: “Good Lord..They're gone! We barely beat him even with the help of the Jetman team, but now there's no way of informing them about our plight!”
*How about calling Aileen? Again, do they know she’s been captured or not? Can’t they ask for her help in circumstances like these? They don’t even consider the possibility.
-Vin: “I'm afraid that won't be easy..Carmen..Even if we did reenergize at 200%, we may never see BlueScanner again!"
*First, what good will reenergizing at 200% do if they’re trying to find their idiot friend who’s been sucked into another time and place? Second, yay! Good riddance to Bluescourgeofthegalaxy.
-Preview: Jikai(Next time on)-Eiga Sentai Scanranger-
*Vince, I’m not impressed you know some Japanese. You bungled the language issue too badly.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2009 : 07:49:28 AM
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Episode 39-The Vengeance of Emperor Toranza, part 2
Summary: Even though he’s the odious comic relief, B.C.’s friends despair for his safety following his disappearance at the hands of Emperor Toranza. Takeshi does something both very smart and very stupid and comes to the moron’s rescue.
Monster: None
URL: http://www.geocities.com/tetsuokurata/epi39.html
Rating: JJ
Rants-
-Recap: [Toranza] briefly teamed up with MAYHEM in order to find the jewel and defeat the eiga sentai in the process.
*No he didn’t. Toranza had all the jewels he got his hands on before he joined forces with MAYHEM and nothing was said about him being after more.
-Recap: The combined teams defeated MAYHEM and the so-called emperor, but at the last minute when the Scanranger's allies parted ways, Toranza abducted B.C. taking them both back to the past.Even with the Jetmen's help, the Scanrangers were powerless to assist BlueScanner.
*Anyone else confused by that passage? According to it, even with Jetman’s help Toranza was able to capture B.C. at the end of the previous story. Whereas in the actual story Jetman had gone home already when Toranza showed himself and kidnapped B.C.
-Recap: However, no one was aware that SilverScanner somehow transported himself back into another dimension, and bided his time to help rescue BlueScanner.
*I hate it when the recap recaps things that haven’t happened yet. No, this isn’t the first time.
-Narration: Four stunned eiga sentai were brooding and feeling very down after the abduction of their happy-go-lucky comrade. Toni was still in shock about the whole situation, as was Carmen. She still wanted to do something to rectify the problem, yet her new experience as a team member was still showing.
*Carmen’s inexperience was showing. That’s good. Would’ve been even better if we were told how.
-Narration: Vin met with Alex, discussing various options on either to encourage the team to function as five including SilverScanner to fight on with the war with MAYHEM, or find someone who could possibly fill in B.C's place as another BlueScanner.
*Vin and Alex make themselves look even worse than usual, I see. Look, losing B.C. was the best thing that could’ve happened to the team. He’s the biggest threat to himself and others I’ve ever seen in a non-tongue-in-cheek story. I’m giving you fair warning, I don’t have much else to work with so there’ll probably be a lot more whining about what a dingus B.C. is.
-Vin and narration: Vin picks up a signal on his communicator. "Vin here.." A second pause. "Takeshi! You're all right!"
*A second pause? When was the first? In any case you have to wonder what happened to Takeshi after B.C.’s capture for Vin to say “You’re all right” when their sixth member checks in. I have no clue.
-Takeshi: “Sorry I had to run off like that, but I'm trying to pick up any trails of Toranza's disappearance. Even as we speak, I'm in WideScreener now going through time and space in order to rescue B.C. I forgot that Widescreener has the ability to travel and teleport through time… …It definitely came in handy when we were trapped on that giant insect planet.."(see Episode 14)
*He forgot his spaceship is also a time machine. I can’t say I’m surprised. Even more humiliating is Takeshi’s decision to leave the rest of the team behind when he went looking for their friend. In the episode the writer links to it was shown WideScreener can seat all six rangers, and it would only be doing that for the return trip.
**On the other hand, by only involving the Scanrangers who speak Japanese, we can hopefully skip Vince constantly pointing out the language barrier.
-Toni: “I had a chance to look over some research on this villain group called the Viram, Vin..”
*You mean you watched Jetman. Actually, that’s not fair. She might’ve hit the internet too.
-Toni: “After we fought them the first time, I realize how powerful they really were..I see that their brutality is on course with how we battled MAYHEM.. I'm just concerned that if B.C. slips, his life could end! And we don't even know how that would affect the present!”
Vin: “I understand, Toni..It's hard because right now, there's really nothing we can do..Such is the reason why SilverScanner would be the obvious choice to bring him back unscathed and unharmed. Remember, the Jetmen are back in their regular time period, and I'm sure if he could escape the Viram's clutches, they'll save him until Takeshi could find him.If anything else, B.C.has a little knowledge of live action Japanese sci-fi himself,and he won't stand down. Even as we speak, especially with a deadly group such as Viram, B.C. will fight to the end. I know that BlueScanner is even working out a plan to make his escape…”
*Does anyone understand a word of that drivel?
-Narration: Unfortunately, Vin was wrong, as upon the Viram's cavernous ship, Birock, BlueScanner's arms was bound in chains hanging from the top, with his legs chained and spread out eagle style. When B.C. was abducted, he was able to barely transform into BlueScanner even as he was grasped by his neck during the teleportation.
*Vin’s wrong? B.C. isn’t even thinking about how to get away? Furthermore, what’s the sentence about him barely transforming supposed to say? Is he Bluescanner right now? Why would his captor allow him to remain in his super-powered form? If not, why bring it up? I shouldn’t be asking questions like this.
-Narration: The Viram villains took advantage by torturing him! Maria gave him the proverbial forty lashes, minus thirty. With her Necrorod, the electric shocks that ran up B.C.'s body was painful to endure!
*Probably was painful, yes, that being the point of “torture.” How does Vince think he’s helping his story by being cute the way he describes Maria whipping B.C., instead of just saying she whips him? I want to say he’s trying to keep this part from being too scary, but if that’s the case he should skip the dark stuff in the first place. Like involving villains from Jetman. Which he should avoid doing in any case.
-B.C.: “Hey! Maybe we could do lunch sometime!" Blue sent a snide parting shot and ignoring the pain.
*Hey! Maybe we could do some actual comedy sometime. Vince, Bluescanner isn’t likeable. Having him tell off some of the most ruthless villains ever seen in Sentai isn’t awesome. He’s the most wretched excuse for a hero I’ve ever seen. At least Bibleman never almost ended the universe. On purpose.
-B.C.: “Is that all you've got, hornhead? I've seen better slices on a stack of deli cheese!" Narration: B.C. tried to psyche Radiege out, which was not a great idea, considering he could cut any human down without a thought!
*It takes a little sting out of that moronic line for the story to acknowledge how dumb it was to provoke an unstable villain.
-Narration: Moments later, with B.C's adam's apple still in the grip of Toranza, they appear in a quarry(of course, where the typical tokusatsu battles take place).
*See what I did there?!
-Toranza: “This is a death match, BlueScanner.." The emperor poises to begin the fight, B.C. does the same.
B.C.: “What you think this is, the WWE?”
*Didn’t the story itself just say making wisecracks at an unstable super villain isn’t a good idea?
-Narration: Our hero defends himself well, but when he attempts to use his martial arts skills against the grown up Tran, they were limited. "It seems I'm moving too slow against this guy, but I'm supposed to be faster than him..How?" Toranza throws a twice fast punch that knocks B.C. up in mid air. The villain swings his leg, kicking him, laying him flat on the ground.
*What the heck is going on?
-Takeshi: “Ganbare, B.C.-san..I'll find you if I have to travel through every dimensional space there-…That's it! Obviously Viram could travel through dimensions so he must have a source in order to go back in time! In addition to that crystal he wanted so badly.." SilverScanner sets his coordinates to the year 1991.
*When you get near some coherent thought, let us know.
-B.C.: Then it dawned onto B.C. "Now I remember! He's making me relive that Jetman episode in the late 30's, and Ryu was getting his butt kicked by this sore loser!”
*How perceptive of B.C., but…so what? This revelation changes nothing. He doesn’t use his knowledge of that episode to turn the tables on Toranza. If anything all it does is show how in love with his character Vince is, as B.C. rates the same treatment as Red Hawk. And I shouldn’t have to tell anybody B.C. is no Red Hawk.
-Narration: His comment was interrupted by a swift kick in the stomach,pushing him back to the electified barb wire! B.C cries out in lingering agony. At 1east 10,000 volts rushed through B.C.'s body, leaving him more weakened than before! Finally, Toranza's fencing sword welcomes our hero with a electric ground shock, bringing Mr. Shimamura to his knees!
*I have to say, that was the most satisfying part of this episode for me, at least until it mentioned “electric ground shock” again. What does that mean, Vince Jones? I think I know but you’re the storyteller, it’s your job to communicate these things.
-B.C.: “Now I know how those death-row cellmates from 'The Green Mile' felt..John Coffey, where are you when I needed you?”
*Someplace you’ll never see, scourge of the universe.
-Narration: Toranza sneered, about to use the same kaliedoscope sword techinque that nearly finished off Red Hawk.
*If you’ve seen Jetman you might know what he means, and I have, but what if you haven’t? Love how the writer jumps around explaining things that don’t need it then presupposes knowledge you might not have.
-Toranza: “Impressive..You learned much from your friend Red Hawk..but it won't save you! I can deliver the death knell any time!”
*Toranza can deliver the death cry at any time? Dude you mean death BLOW.
-Toranza: “You were a very impressive opponent, BlueScanner, but it's time to say farewell to your future, and your life!”
*Impressive? How? Besides catching Toranza’s sword with his hands he’s done nothing but get his butt kicked since they left B.C.’s home dimension. I fail to be impressed.
-Narration: Suddenly, warping from different dimensions, WideScreener makes his appearance!
*Widescreener makes “his” appearance? The spaceship has a gender?
-Narration: SilverScanner leaps out and finds the two opponents, in time for Toranza to thrust his sword into B.C.'s heart. B.C. gasped with eyes open, then falls on his face in a pool of blood. Despite his efforts, SilverScanner was too late to save his friend!
*If only this was followed by the words “Next Week on Scanranger” instead of “Act Two”…
-Takeshi: “NOOOOO!YAROUU!" cried Silver. In a hellish fury, he blasted his LaserMagnum at Toranza, catching him of guard. Another blast destroyed the boxing ring the emperor had concocted! “BLAST YOU, BASTION! I'M GONNA TEAR YOUR FREAKIN' HEART OUT!”
*I‘ve never seen so much confusion as to a target audience in my life. Observe Takeshi calling Toranza a “bastion” because he’s filled with “hellish fury” after seeing B.C. collapse dead in a pool of his own blood and promising to rip Toranza’s heart out. Fun for the whole family.
-Narration: He ran straight towards Toranza, but with a wave of his right hand, he brushes him back!
*Uh…what?
-Narration: Silver switches back to his LaserMagnum, but once again, Toranza presses a button on his gauntlet, and Silver's gun was blasted out of his hand, then aimed at Takeshi, shooting him down!
*Toranza used his powers to make Takeshi’s own gun shoot him? I guess that’s what happened. I guess.
-B.C.: “Omaiwa...It can't be..Aileen? What are you doing here?”
*B.C. has a near-death experience where he’s visited by Aileen, and as unsettling as the feeling is, he and I are of like minds. How is she able to contact his soul while still trapped in Toranza’s almighty crystal thingamajig? It just doesn’t seem like something she should be able to do, not without a ton of strain at least, which isn’t in evidence. If this is so easy why didn’t she call the rangers while they were at the mall and say, “Hey jerks! Glad you’re having a good time while I’m trapped inside a crystal!”
-Aileen: “It isn't your time to leave this Earth..”
*@#$^%!!!
-Aileen: “The power of the crystal resides within me..Toranza used the Inolife and the Lighkari crystal for his evil purposes corrupting them both in the process..However, by your bravery and sacrifice, snatching the crystals from his neck, your pure and righteous blood simply had cleansed the evil out of both jewels..Even now, your regular body is healing from your mortal wounds at an incredible rate..You will heal, but take care, if the jewels are used longer than expected,even the power of both crystals can make you even power mad as well..Once you heal, help your friend Takeshi..He will soon be in grave danger also.”
*Vince is hitting me with his best inane shot, and I’m hitting back. Aileen says “The power of the crystal resides within me…” If that’s the case, doesn’t that mean she has control over the power? And as a result could have taken it away from Toranza at any time? At the very least it sounds like the crystal is just a placebo and the real power comes from Aileen, which doesn’t seem to be the case anywhere else. Next, since when does B.C. have “pure and righteous blood”? As I relentlessly point out, the idiot very nearly ended the universe. For the sake of a short time together with his girlfriend he’d been involved with for all of a day and a half. And let’s not even get into that childish episode of his in the “Power Upgrade” arc where he quit the team in a fit of pique when they were at their most vulnerable.
**Moving on, I love how Aileen says B.C.’s “regular body” is healing. Does he have a body for special occasions? I also love how Aileen says the ultimate power of the magic crystal(s?) can make even B.C. power mad. Please. He’s a huge emotional retard. He has to be the easiest Scanranger you could corrupt. By the way, Aileen says Toranza’s evil corrupted the crystals, but even though they’ve been wiped clean, they could still corrupt B.C. How does that work? It works that way because Vince Jones wants B.C. to have a crisis of responsibility when he suddenly becomes omnipotent (whoops, sorry), rather than disprove anything I said about him, and isn’t about to let something like “clarity” get in his way.
-Takeshi: “SILVERSCREENER! J MODE!" Takeshi grows Ultraman size, and attempts to squash the emperor!
*I know the difference between Widescreener, Superscreener, Dolbyscreener, and Silverscanner J Mode. What the hell is “Silverscreener”?
-Toranza: “Once I return to the past, I shall defeat the Jetman team once and for all, then keep that fool Radeige in his place, bowing before me!”
*Toranza monologues about his plans now that he’s finally gained his revenge. Love how he talks about returning to “the past” to complete his revenge on Count Radiege, yet Takeshi traveled to 1991, Toranza’s native time period, to find him. And succeeded.
-B.C.: “In the immortal words of Raiden, 'I DON'T THINK SO!’”
*He’s quoting a guy for saying “I don’t think so.” Oh lordy how do I find the strength to keep reading.
-B.C.: “Simply put, I will not forgive you for torturing my friends! It's time that you pay the price!”
*Who’s he talking about? When did Toranza torture the Scanrangers, or could he be talking about the Jetmen? Forget about it, isn’t it awesome how B.C.’s gonna kick Toranza’s evil butt?? (In case you’re wondering, no, it isn’t)
-Anyway, with the power of the crystal now firmly in his hands, Mary Blue proceeds to murderize Toranza with such ease I wonder why Vince even bothered to have him step up to Scanranger form. This is all tremendously galling, even though I knew full well to expect it. It’s almost worth it for B.C. to have died for a while, though.
-B.C.: “They say revenge is a dish best served cold..Well, mine's definitely gonna be one very frigid dish! It looks like you're going to be eating hot food from here on, pal!”
*…
-Narration: Silver woke up from unconsciousness, seeing Blue torturing Toranza. He was shocked at his behavior, only knowing him for his fighting heart and endless jocularity, but not for vengeance!
*The Scanrangers definitely need to work on their communication. After finding out his friends weren’t kidding about going on an adventure with Jetman, Takeshi didn’t find out what happened? I guess not or he might have heard why Toranza was after them: because B.C. beat the crap out of him as payback for the villain hurting Blue Swallow.
-B.C.: "It feels great! I have the power! THE ABSOLUTE POWER, BABY! THE POWER TO HEAL! TO DESTROY! TO CONTROL!”
*Everyone on the same page? This is the second time they’ve crossed over with characters from Jetman, and the second time B.C. has had opportunity to end the universe. Once was insane, but twice?! And we’re supposed to care about this guy?!?! In the immortal words of Raiden, “I DON'T THINK SO!”
-Aileen’s reminder: “You will heal, but take care, if the jewels are used longer than expected,even the power of both crystals can make you even power mad as well..”
*How long is “longer than expected”? B.C. can’t have had the crystals more than five minutes and he’s already gone plum loco. See my various notes re: B.C. as worst super “hero” ever.
-B.C.: “To stop before I start..What am I doing? I'm talking like God..The problem is, I'm not God..”
*You’re not even Bibleman.
-B.C.: “Instead, i'm sending you back from whence you came, but if you think of revenge against myself or my friends, your mind will explode and that flashback of your downfall will play forever in your mind!”
*“My friends” again, which friends does he mean? Because Toranza’s gonna think about revenge against Jetman, otherwise their story’s not gonna turn out the way it did and Vince doesn’t seem to be leaning that way. Quite the opposite. If B.C. means the Scanrangers, that’s dumb too because Toranza went to all this trouble to get even with B.C., not his friends. Did being captured alone somehow escape B.C.’s sharp deductive mind?
-Narration: The energy from both crystals were used up, and Blue reverted back to B.C.
*Doesn’t that mean the universe is over or something?
-Narration: She uses the last bit of power from the Lighkari and Inolife gems and opened up a portal.
Aileen: “I gave you enough energy for your ship to bring you both back to the present day..”
*She opened up a portal which gives their ship enough power to make the trip home?
-Aileen: “I assure you..the crystals shall not be used for evil ever again.." Aileen merges the crystals into one, then phased them within her own body
*Since all their power is used up, it doesn’t seem like they’re going to be at risk from the forces of evil again, no.
-Narration: What was Toranza's fate, you may ask? What did B.C. force Toranza to face his most crushing defeat and humiliation? The end of episode 47 in Chojin Sentai Jetman gives a very valuable hint
*Hint nothing, it shows exactly what happened to him. This goes back to my reaction to Toranza’s “kaliedoscope” attack: it’s weird how the writer assumes you know exactly what he means by describing the attack with one word, which is likely only if you’ve seen the show and remember every little thing, then tantalizes you with Toranza’s final fate, which you’re more likely to remember than a silly special attack if you’ve watched Jetman.
-Narration: The two Scanrangers blast off back to the present day, where the remaining rangers lament the loss of their teammate.
*Good thing they don’t know about B.C. becoming omnipotent and nearly ending all of creation…again. Then again they’d probably just laugh it off if he wasn’t forced to undergo psychological evaluation after the first time.
-Vin: “Takeshi..I just don't know how to thank you..Twice you came up big in the clutch to help us out when we actually thought it was hopeless..”
*Twice? I count more than that. Dude, Takeshi’s the sixth ranger. Pulling the others’ fat out of the fire is kinda what he does.
-Narration: [Nick] pushes B.C. aside to talk to Takeshi. However, without looking, Nick did his normal B.C. taunt by smacking him upside his head.
Carmen: “Nick! How could you? That wasn't very nice!”
*How well do you know your teammates, sweetheart? Maybe he deserves it.
-Vin: “It's all right, Carmen..Deep down, Nick and B.C. are good buddies..It looks like he's dissing him, but Nick really missed him lots, since he inspired him to never give up hope..”
*They haven’t told Carmen the Power Upgrade story? Is talking about old adventures reserved for team ups with Jetman? Do they tell each other anything if it doesn’t involve vilifying Haim Saban?
-Takeshi: “Dai so ka, B.C.-san?”
B.C.: “You were right..Having that power was a bit much..”
*Takeshi was right? He never said a word about the power being overwhelming.
-B.C.: “Any given person could have their wish come true with those crystals..Having true world peace..Solving the food crisis in Africa, every child on the continent has plentiful food to eat..Think about it, Takeshi..I could've done all those things..”
Takeshi: “Which is reason enough for us humans to not possess those jewels..I guess since Aileen brought it back to her future, her race of enchanters can handle the responsilbility..”
*Wait a minute, B.C.’s talking about all the *good* he could’ve done with unlimited power and Takeshi says that’s exactly why they shouldn’t have it. HUH??? Why he thinks Aileen’s people are above such temptations I don’t know either, other than, oh yeah, the crystals aren’t a source of unlimited power anymore.
-Takeshi: “All right, all right..since we've finished that saga, what's the chance of us teaming up with, say Kikaider, or Kamen Rider Ichigo, or V3, or even Black?"
B.C.: "I prefer to go back and try to get a dream date with Sara-Yellow Flash from Flashman.."
Takeshi: "Me? I'd like to ask out Naomi Morianga myself..I had a serious crush on her when she was cast as Helen.."
B.C.: "What? She wasn't as cute when she played Annie?"
Takeshi: "I digress..Even one of the three Spy Army girls from Spielban were beautiful..I'd like to try my luck with them.."
B.C.: "Ha! You've got a better chance with Machiko Soga than you do with those pretty women!"
Narration: They walk on their way to WideScreener, about to take off for the past once more.
Idiot 1: “So which one of us is gonna go back to 1986, and take Naomi-chan or Sara-chan out for a good time? Loser buys the next new Region 2 Ultraman DVD set!
Idiot 2: “You've got yourself a deal!" They shake on the bet.
*B.C. and Takeshi hop into Widescreener to travel to the past and go out on dates with their favorite girls from old Japanese superhero shows. Not even getting into why they’re not doing something intelligent with their time machine or how Mary Sue-ish this behavior is, didn’t Aileen expend a lot of energy to enable their trip home? Are they even thinking of how they’ll make it back, or is it “Screw it, let MAYHEM take over the world as long as I get to go on a date with Yellow Flash” instead? I can’t say I’d be surprised since this is B.C. Shimamura we’re talking about.
**Also, don’t these guys have girlfriends in the present time, as improbable as that may be? Kimiko was explicitly referred to as B.C.’s girlfriend in “Winter Interlude.” Takeshi knows a fellow Asian Studies professor named Mai who, though said to be his “best friend,” was his date to the Valentine’s Day dance (as Kimiko was for B.C.), implying something deeper. Our heroes, dicks who cheat on their girlfriends with women who don’t even exist.
**Finally, how do you win the bet? What if they both have a good date? What if (more likely) neither can get the girl to talk to them?
And that, dear readers, appears to be, as they say, it. It's been about three years since Vengeance of Emperor Toranza hit the web, and as much as I'd love to have more Scanranger to riff on, I'm pretty much forced to think real life has caught up to Vince. Scanranger's chances probably aren't helped by the possibility that soon there won't be Power Rangers for him to complain about; word is there are no plans to renew the show after Power Rangers RPM ends. If new episodes show up, will I riff on them? Probably. But for now, let's say our goodbyes to a story that never tried hard enough and never knew quite enough.
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
Edited by - hk6909 on 08/31/2009 2:20:25 PM |
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hk6909
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
651 Posts |
Posted - 12/04/2009 : 12:26:16 PM
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As a finale farewell to the little story that couldn't, Scanranger has now been given the ultimate recognition: an article on TVtropes.org. Enjoy, if you can:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/EigaSentaiScanranger
Now we know what the south's gonna do again, get eaten by a huge fish. |
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Scanranger last time, 36-39 final
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