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BrainFromArous
Preeminent Apostolic Prelate of the Discipleship of Jabootu
USA
102 Posts |
 Posted - 03/02/2006 : 12:17:17 AM
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Every film directed by Uwe Boll, past and future.
Every film with Michael Bay anywhere in sight in the credits.
Both RESIDENT EVIL movies.
And, of course, THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS.
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Boards don't hit back.
(Bruce Lee) |
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MikeC
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
749 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2006 : 10:47:34 AM
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More Mexican wrestler movies.
Or, in a similar vein, an undubbed foreign
film. Just to see how they could have
spun & made a story.
Also: THE WATCHER, and Coppola's DRACULA
MikeC |
Edited by - MikeC on 03/02/2006 10:48:35 AM |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2006 : 7:07:53 PM
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| The Avengers. Good Lord, I just put a movie with Sean Connery and Ralph Fiennes in MST3K's hit list, but it deserved it. |
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Ubiq
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
347 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2006 : 12:59:59 AM
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Mac and Me
Double Dragon
From Star Trek
The Final Frontier
Nemesis
The Phantom Menace
Any movie with Joe Don Baker.
BM: I should have mentioned this at the beginning. I solve my problems with violence. |
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Flangepart
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
2329 Posts |
Posted - 03/03/2006 : 11:39:06 AM
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A movie with Joe Don Baker?
Could that include the Bond films he was in?
I can just see them doing a Bond film. There would be constant referances to "Bart Fargo" an "H.A.R.M."
"Cole, stop handing Dr. Doom the Keys to the Baxter building." Brent Sienna/PvP.
"I speak 34 different languages. But gibberish is not one of them."- Danger Mouse.
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sabel4th
Diocesan Ecclesiarch of the Sacred Order of Jabootu
USA
50 Posts |
Posted - 03/10/2006 : 6:09:41 PM
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Steven Spielberg's "War of the Worlds". Actually, anything spielberg past Jurassic Park, the origional.
Night of Horror and Night of the Screaming Dead, two movies I can proudly say are the worst I've ever watched. And I've watched a LOT of so called "Worst Movies Ever."
I do not belive in wasting space with a useless signature |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 03/10/2006 : 9:01:37 PM
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Sabel, don't knock Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, or A.I.
But it's a funny thing: I was thinking that War of the Worlds deserves a Jabootu review. |
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BrainFromArous
Preeminent Apostolic Prelate of the Discipleship of Jabootu
USA
102 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2006 : 1:10:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by BradH812
Sabel, don't knock Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, or A.I.
But it's a funny thing: I was thinking that War of the Worlds deserves a Jabootu review.
How about a mini?
War of the Worlds 2005
I broke my movie boycott to see this thing. L Ron would have wanted me to. Observations follow:
(1) Next time, if there is one, I am bringing earplugs or an iPod to the theater. I could not believe the volume of the pre-show screen adverts, loathesome in-theatre radio station yammering and coming attractions. My ears were ringing before the film proper even began. Am I the last person who remembers when people could sit in a theatre before the film started and just talk to each other, read a magazine and get an early start on some popcorn munching? Ye gods.
(2) To the fellow who sat behind me: I am tall (6'3"). I am wide. I am a visual obstruction. You should have chosen a better seat. Sorry, but there it is.
(3) Ah, the opening. Good Morgan Freeman voiceover. I think he's James Earl Jones' heir apparent for Wise Black Voice now that Ossie Davis has left us. (PS - I would trade the lives of every Gen-X, nose-ringed clown in the theatre that night for Ossie to have one more year. What a loss; gifted actor, remarkable man and class act.)
(4) Ah, the film... I was afraid of this. There's an old saying in journalism: Don't bury the lede. It means keep your focus on the point of the story, not the incidental or peripheral. This film sent its lede to the bottom of the Marianas Trench. One might think that the conquest of Earth by aliens (not actually Martians this time) would be the point of the movie, being a pretty important thing, after all. Nope. Here it's merely the setting for a familial reapproachment between an immature father and his children - both of whom are the kind of insufferable "movie kids" I would have doused with A-1 Steak Sauce and thrown to the advancing alien war machines as a peace offering.
(5) Cruise is pretty good, although stopping myself from yelling out Xenu or Katie Holmes jokes caused me actual, physical pain. Truly, I suffer for art.
(6) The aliens are not from Mars, as mentioned previously. Ok. No harm done. And kudos to Spielberg for his old skool use of tripod walking machines instead of the floating manta-rays of Pal's 1953 version - as wonderful as Pal's were.
If only the changes had stopped there. Alas, the 2005 story has the aliens delivering their pilots to machines buried deep in the earth "over a million years ago," as one character observes, rather than the ships arriving in meteor-like LCMs (Landing Craft, Martian).
This revision makes an absolute hash of the invaders' defeat from a microbial Achilles' Heel, since it's inconceivable that such an advanced race, having visited Earth before to bury their machines, would be caught unawares by the basics of terran biology.
Pal's (and Wells') versions explained this by having the Martians view us from afar, but not actually experience our ecology until the invasion. Wells, in fact, was making a direct reference to the tropical diseases which struck European armies during their colonial and imperial conquests in Asia and Africa.
Spielberg's story has character dialogue making pointed references to how well the aliens have "planned" this, yet once they arrive, all it takes is a few deep breaths of our air and a few swallows of water before they're all dropping dead.
Tripod driver Xerghon: Sir, do you smell that?
Tripod commander Gharzhek: Smell what? That's just Terran air.
Xerghon: I don't feel so good...
Gharzhek: Stop goldbricking and get this thing moving. We're due in TEE-neck, whatever that is.
(Xerghon coughs, falls over backwards and dies.)
Gharzhek: What the...?!
(Gharzhek vomits his innards across the control panel, then dies.)
(7) Along those lines, how did hundreds of house-sized war machines, buried a few hundred feet under the ground, go undetected by 20th Century human technology? The film takes place in New Jersey, which was (and is) part of the great post-WW2 buildup of America's east coast. Highways, commercial and residential surveying, tunnel excavations for sewers and utility lines... I doubt there's a single square mile of that area which hasn't been explored , mapped, thermal-imaged, sonared and whatnot.
(8) George Pal's version alternated scenes of government and military leaders making plans with the personal story of Dr Forrester. By keeping the story locked on Cruise's character and his brats, Spielberg loses the larger view to the detriment of the story. The aliens are handily conquering the word... and then they all just die.
Bottom Line: As befits a Spielberg film, the technical quality is outstanding. And there are a few scenes - such as the hellish, apocalyptic spectacle of a burning train roaring through a railroad crossing - that are simply marvelous.
But there's too little of that and too much family drama. Near the end I wanted the aliens to disintegrate them all so the narrative could move on to a more interesting viewpoint.
A few other things:
- How did Cruise's son survive? Do the alien war machines have a Great Walls of Fire attack which can obliterate a battle line of armored vehicles but is too weak to take out one moody teen in a hoodie?
- The "All Tom's Children" material was bad enough, but why did the writers have to hit rock bottom by including an "I must! / You can't!" moment between Tom and his son?
Dad (yelling into son's face): You can't go! I won't let you!
Son (yelling into dad's face): I have to go!
Dad: I can't lose you again!
Son: I have to see! I have to fight!
Dad: No!
Son: Yes!
I mean, COME ON. Does it get more cliche than this?! When you have characters literally yelling out their motivations to the audience and each other, are you even telling a story anymore?
Finally, was there a scene cut wherein it's explained that the red vines were part of the aliens' (orig. Martians') ecosystem, which were transplanted here in order to reform the environment to their liking? Note to screenwriters: not everyone read Wells' book.
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Boards don't hit back.
(Bruce Lee) |
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BradH812
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1294 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2006 : 2:10:39 PM
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Brain, I'm with you on all of your points above. Actually, I thought the Martian (I am not going to use some generic term) tripods had a problem themselves. If you've ever read John Christopher's Tripods Trilogy, you'll find these thing VERY familiar. And the grenade-throwing scene was ripped off nearly verbatim from The White Mountains.
Now here's the kicker. The Tripods is FINALLY being prepared as a movie trilogy. And everyone's gonna thing that the tripods were ripped off WOTW, when in fact it's the other way around.
Ah, Hollywood. |
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hbrennan
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
Philippines
1455 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2006 : 2:18:35 PM
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"The Magic Christmas Tree"
"Santa's Christmas Elf (named Calvin)" - you're welcome to ask me about that one.
"...yet it hadn't destroyed his brain."
re: Charles "The Butcher" Benton (1956)
http://henrybrennan.blogspot.com/ |
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Nicolletta
Diocesan Ecclesiarch of the Sacred Order of Jabootu
85 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2006 : 7:02:50 PM
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NIGHT OF THE GHOULS
DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS
FRANKENSTEINS DAUGHTER
THE LONELY LADY
BATMAN & ROBIN
ROBOCOP 3
CAT WOMEN OF THE MOON
GYMKATA
ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE
R.O.T.O.R.
SEXTETTE
THE STUFF
BLOOD FEAST
GLEN OR GLENDA?
FAIR GAME
DOUBLE AGENT 73
VAMPIRE COP
XANADU
WILD WILD WEST
OCTAMAN
THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON
MISSILE TO THE MOON
I wouldn't stake my life on it, but I'm happy to stake yours. |
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zombiewhacker
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
1475 Posts |
Posted - 03/12/2006 : 02:09:02 AM
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| It occurs to me that virtually every film Sunn Classics ever made deserves the MST3K treatment. |
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sister mary dispair
Minister of the Sacraments of Jabootu
USA
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2006 : 10:29:11 AM
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Baby geniuses 2: Superbabies
Corky Romano
Santa Claus and The Ice Cream Bunny
Thomas and the magic railroad
Pagemaster
getting even with dad
house of wax
"Hmmm...It says here that if a person is not married by the time they are 35 they have a better chance of being robbed at gunpoint by a desperate and somewhat bloated Christian Slater." Harvey Birdman |
Edited by - sister mary dispair on 03/13/2006 10:31:54 AM |
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Flangepart
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
2329 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2006 : 10:43:17 AM
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Nicoletta : I have the re-dubbed parody version of HIDIOUS SUN DEMON, with an unbilled Jey Leno. I thought it was okey,but some don't take well to it. An MST3K treatment would still work. Its all in the riffing.
MISSLE TO THE MOON!, oh, i plan on that as my 26th victem! Ah, the riffing..i can smell it from here! So much to cook with.
Brain : Good one. Lots of material there. Lots of Mystery Science! Hated the ending ( The family part. The boy should have been toast!)
I agree with the LCMs. The landing of the ships was a vital part of the story.
The disease factor would, indeed, make more sence if a desperation factor was added. The Martians HAD to migrate, and that also explain why they come over all mean, and and also unprepared for our germs.
Also, i'd have liked to keep to the book, in that the Martians COULD be trashed with enought firepower...but getting it there, and co-ordinated was realy hard. Combine the loss rate with that of the Pal version ( 60% men, 90% material..), and you got an invasion.
"Cole, stop handing Dr. Doom the Keys to the Baxter building." Brent Sienna/PvP.
"I speak 34 different languages. But gibberish is not one of them."- Danger Mouse.
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MikeC
Holy Cardinal and Five Star General of the Righteous Knighthood of Jabootu
USA
749 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2006 : 12:03:40 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by BradH812
Brain, I'm with you on all of your points above. Actually, I thought the Martian (I am not going to use some generic term) tripods had a problem themselves. If you've ever read John Christopher's Tripods Trilogy, you'll find these thing VERY familiar. And the grenade-throwing scene was ripped off nearly verbatim from The White Mountains.
Now here's the kicker. The Tripods is FINALLY being prepared as a movie trilogy. And everyone's gonna thing that the tripods were ripped off WOTW, when in fact it's the other way around.
Um.....
John Christopher 'ripped off' the tripods from Wells'
WOTW, though I do see your point.
I am actually wondering whether or not there is some
sort of 'curse' on TV adaptations of Christopher's
TRIPODS stories.
Years ago, PBS had a black and white TV show whose
name escapes me, wherein they would read abridged
versions of childrens books while someone would draw
a picture of the scene as it was being read. They
did the first two of the TRIPODS books, but at the
end of the 2nd story they said "To find out how this
ends, pick up the 3rd volume". Naturally, as an
easily distracted child I never did.
Fast foward to the mid 80's when the BBC did its own
rather harrowing (in a good way) adaptation of THE
TRIPODS. The actress who played the lead character's
love interest died in a car crash only a few weeks
after completeing the first series, and the ratings
for the second series (which was run in Doctor Who's
then-tradition Saturday Afternoon timeslot) were so
abysmal that they never got around to making a 3rd
series, thus leaving the story almost EXACTLY where
the prior adaptation had ended!
If they are making a TRIPODS movie, I hope this one
breaks the curse. 3 times the char, eh wot?
MikeC |
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